Come Home - Luminate

I am wasting my time posting this, but oh wells. I really wanted to share this song with you all XD. Anyways I was listening to K-Love as I was finishing up my SECOND attempt for my math homework (that I failed twice T_T), and I was thinking "Yes, I do need to come home." I feel distant with God (and I am planning to be Baptized soon so I really want to have a closer relationship with Him before I do). I know He's here with me as I am typing this really late/early in the morning ><.

I really want to do a lot of things at Riverside, to show God's love to the people who are going to parties, drinking, and getting high, but I feel like I need to go back "home" in order to do so. Who wants to be a hypocrite for God? God is real to all of us, and we should be real to Him.

Please pray for me that my classes won't occupy me even more than it already is. I'm taking four and one of my classes have a lot of reading. So please pray that the reading won't consume me whole, and that I may keep up with it. Thank you XD

And I still remember what a friend said to me, "I can see you as a warrior." And I do want to be a warrior for God, to fight for His light to shine in the city of Riverside (I love their low sales taxes XD).

Sorry if it's confusing >< Still working on grammar and stuff =P

Until I See You Again

"Until I See You Again"
~Mark Schultz

(So, I attached two versions of this song. An upbeat version (the 1st one), and a ballad version (the 2nd). You can listen to each one depending on your mood :]. Only recently, the ballad is really speaking to me, but both are pretty cool.)

I've wanted to share this song for a pretty long whiles. Whenever I felt really down, this is the song that encouraged me to keep my eyes open for God's blessing in my life, and keep going.

Sometimes, when I'm in a dry season, and all I can think about is getting out, I feel like my cries are like the prechorus. How long, God? How long until I can find rest in Your arms? Maybe even just take me to be with You, because it'd be so much easier, and right now that's what I'd like.. sounds pretty drastic, yes, but I think most of us have been there before. And I love the response: Don't worry, my child; I know it feels long now.. I still promise to be with you through it all. But don't miss this life I've given you! Live with amazement like a child, talk to me unhindered, keep on loving.

Okay, Dad. I'll try. Thanks for Your love =]. Love You.

You say, "How long 'til I can
come home, 'til I can
rest in Your arms again?"
And I say, "Not long, but don't miss
this life, and I'll be
waiting 'til then!"

Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end
until I see you again

Ain't I a woman?

This is not a song, but i think it's worth the sharing =]

I did a lot of research on Sojourner Truth (birth name:Isabella Baumfree) back in middle school and high school. While everyone chose Martin Luther King Jr., I chose her. I don't remember much about her biography, but I remember she did some amazing things for both women and blacks rights. In a way, she was someone I wanted to model after. In DOC (my writing class) a couple of days ago, my professor showed this video. I got really excited and it woke me up from my half-sleep (yes, sadly I sleep in class D:). It was the first time I heard this speech and I was really really happy that I got to read it last week. You can see a lot of her personality in this piece of writing. I can see that she was a funny, smart, strong, confident, and independent Christian. I think she was really clever with this speech. Alice Walker, the person reading the speech, is the author of the book, The Color Purple (i don't know how to underline this book title). I never read it, but I did see some parts of the film. Whoopi Goldberg acted well in this film. I think it is about how black women were abused in the past (*shrugs*). Enjoy!

"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say."

It's Not Over ('cause He's never gonna) Leave You Alone...

So I haven't really posted in a long time, so sorry if these thoughts are really jumbled... I'm trying to get my thoughts out while doing hw xP...
But anyways... I stumbled across these two songs and they really spoke to me. If you didn't know already, this is my senior year, and it's been really stressful - having to deal with preparing for college, for a career, for the rest of my life. It may sound kind of weird, but, being a control freak, I always kind of freak out when I can't do something. When I can't control the situations I'm in, or what will come in my future.
These songs really came to me at an amazing time. I've been feeling really low actually, in terms of not knowing what's to come. If you know me, you know that I've always wanted to have lots of kids and a wonderful life with a wonderful husband, a wonderful house, etc. But, as these college choices and things began to approach, I've really questioned whether or not I could ever actually be... happy in my future. Now I know, I sound so stupid and stuff... "Abi, come on, 5 kids? A beautiful husband? You know you can't always have what you want. Just give it up." To be honest, yes, I know that I need to give up these things, but it IS really hard. In addition, to make things harder, recently I've been feeling like I can't succeed in the future because of the poor choices I've already made. I feel like I've wasted my time away doing what? Nothing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, when I heard these song, they really helped me see that, even though my dreams may be crushed, and I may not have that white picket fence, or that perfect life, it doesn't mean that my life is over. Though I face adversity and trials, it doesn't mean that there's nothing else left that's worth living for. And once adversity is over, though it's far from true to say that I'd never ever face any more again, there is a brand new day, a future awaiting me, awaiting you. And whether you take that as this life isn't over, or that when this life ends, there's an even greater life to live forever, that's up to you. Try looking at it both ways, because it is true both ways.
(A good friend recently told me a few things that've helped, too. Two lessons. 1. Always take on life with optimism. 2. God loves you, so suck it up!)
So no one has to stress out, or pull out their lustrous hair, because whatever we've done, we can move forward from. Whatever we have to face, we can overcome. Not because we alone can do it, but because God can and will pull us through. We can't do things alone. And the best part about that is, we will never have to. =)

Don't look back
Leave what's broken in the past,
Take my hand, and understand,
...
Don't give up
We've only just begun
I believe, I believe

It's not over,
The best is yet to come for us,
Come for us.
Night has faded,
A brand new day has come for us,
Come for us.

- It's Not Over - Stellar Kart

You'll never have to do this alone
Walking the tightrope and bracing the fall
No matter what you've done this far
He's still chasing your broken heart
He's never gonna leave you alone

- Leave You Alone - Chasen

"These things take time" - Sanctus Real

I LOVE SANCTUS REAL =] *sigh* i know that I need patience. Within these past couple of weeks, I realized how impatient I am. You all know that I am currently looking for a fellowship or church in San Diego, but not all of you guys know how frustrated I am with this. It's been only two weeks and i am already discouraged. I want my christian community now. It's really hard to type out all the mixed emotions I've been having within these two past weeks. This song reminds me how God will get me through this and how He will reveal His plan for me in SD in His timing. I admit that I am worried that I won't find my group of fellow brothers and sisters that I can be part of. Please pray for me. I need to trust that it will be okay in the end. enjoy this song and hopefully it will remind you to also be patient in Him =]