I have been distracted from God for a while. I blame colleges and school work. I was so caught up in succeeding every thing I did, I forgot about why I was doing those things. And eventually, the work took away my need for Jesus because I was succeeding. And for a moment, I arrogantly thought I was capable of doing things on my own. Then, things starting going wrong. I was extremely stressed out! And I thought that since I was capable of making my own success, I should be able to get out of my mess and stress (unintentional rhyme) on my own. It's not easy to admit, but I was struggling with my faith. I couldn't sense God's presence.
Then I realize how superficial my faith in God was. I felt God's love only conditionally. I realized that it took effort on my part to have a relationship with God. But I didn't realize just how much effort took when things were really getting rough. And when I kept making an effort and not seeing immediate results, I started giving up. I think I see why: 1) I was putting effort into the external aspects of a relationship with God, substituting spirituality with singspiration or service, and 2) I kept thinking that I had to be the one to mend the relationship, like it was MY relationship and not God's too, and like I was one who could fix the relationship. So, though I kept making an effort, I kept failing. And I lost hope that I could have a relationship as intimate as before with God again.
But my hope is renewed, because I'm going to fight for my relationship with God regardless of the struggle. And this time, I'm saying it with a better understanding of what struggle exactly means. hehe, and the relationship is, well, Worth It.
Love’s not a feeling
Love’s not convenient
But I know love will change your life
Love takes sacrifice
Love cuts like a knife
Sometimes love will make you cry
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it
Love is a hunger
But love won’t leave you empty
See it’s the language of the heart
Love can steal your pride
But love won’t let you hide
It takes everything you’ve got
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it
(Chorus)
What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you’re left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who will hold you?
Where you gonna run when it’s all on the line
And you’re looking for someone to save your life
To save your life
