Called Me Higher

Wow it's been too long of a time. I'll make a quick post before I let the laziness take over again! Sorry, this one turned out long haha :].



I only first heard this song yesterday, and God's already been using it to challenge me. Here are some of the lyrics:

I could hold on
I could hold on to who I am and never let You
change me from the inside
I could be safe
I could be safe here in Your arms and never leave home,
never let these walls down

But You have called me higher,
You have called me deeper
And I'll go where you lead me, Lord

This has been a recurring theme for me for a while: Knowing God, but only just enough to keep Him at arms-distance so He can't really touch my life. It's not something that I always explicitly do, but I think I am honestly afraid of what would happen if I were to truly invite God to get in contact with both the big and small parts of my life. To keep him far enough to have some kind of control of what I do, to have an excuse of "I'm not moved that way" so I don't have to follow him to doing the uncomfortable.

       But You have called me higher,
       You have called me deeper

Tonight, I was going through a workbook that I'm going through with my pastor who's discipling me. The chapter was on our "sinful nature," and at the application portion was to write 2-3 things that I've done this past week that I knew was wrong but I did anyways. I wrote down three items, and the thought of sharing these things that I wrote down with my pastor shamed me and gripped my chest. I didn't want to share these things... (man, accountability is hard haha...) and I realized I didn't bring these things to God either. Most times I briefly accepted that God still loved me somehow without

then I realized. In doing the one thing that I wanted to do the least (that is, admitting that I have a lot of crap that I don't want others or myself to see) actually brings freedom. By ignoring the disgusting details of my sin, I am still living in the fear of being deemed a sinner, and I don't allow God to sweep in and show the full extent of His grace-- the amount of my sin that I refuse to admit or face up to is that much more grace that I fail to experience. Furthermore, the fact that I hold on at all reveals that I don't fully embrace the complete forgiveness I have in Christ. In other words, I miss out on the freedom of admitting my mistakes while embracing an identity as a beloved child of God.

• "Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:20-21.

But if I actually face up to it (that is, admitting all of this openly to God and to others), I take claim to both the hideous fact that I am a hopeless sinner AND the fact that God's love and grace covers that by the cost of His Son. That is what happens when we let finally let God come in, to bring us higher and deeper. Tim Keller states that this is the gospel: "We are more sinful than we ever dared believe, yet we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope."



Gahh there's so much more too haha... but this will do for now =]. I'm getting to the point of rambling hahaha thanks for reading x].


So God, break these walls.. help me to confess my sin explicitly. Call me higher, call me deeper into You. It's gritter and its harder, but its full of glory and freedom. Help me to find myself first and foremost as YOUR SON. To proclaim the great news: I am a sinner saved by grace and grace alone.

Already All I Need-again!

This song again...but in a different context! God's been teaching me what kind of person I am, which just makes me more amazed at how incredible God is. I'm a very broken person; it turns out that not having consistent friends has damaged, more than I estimated, my trust in people, which greatly hinders fellowshipping with others. I had too high of expectations for my bros/sis, disregarding the fact that they're humans who are prone to failing at showing God's unconditional love, which only God is capable of at all times (Because occasionally, God transfers His unconditional love through us). To protect myself, I'd convinced me that this friendship thing, this bro/sisterhood thing isn't possible for me (but possible for others). I ran to God for His solace and comfort. And all I have been realizing for the past months over and over again is ow reliable God is, how warm, how faithful He is to me--His embrace/love is so deep and wide, no sin can ever be too dirty for Him to accept. And He's assured me that He will/can love to the ends of the earth. But lately, God has been telling me, "get out of my arms! Time for you to move on...grow up." Nothing we receive is given simply for our own sake; it's ultimately given for His sake. God's been pouring into me for the past months, nurturing me and stuff...and it's time to start using this newly established emotional/identity security as 1) a support for others, and 2) confidently proclaim His glory. And I know that I'll get hurt again stepping outside of His protection, but He'll heal me again; it's a spiral of healing, I'll keep getting hurt and healed, but things get better with each time because He's promised that He makes all things work together for our good. Life's troubles are like a chariot charging at you; you can either ride it (endure the troubles with hope that Christ has secured) or get run over by it (complain, mope, etc.) I've been so sheltered I don't handle making mistakes so well, teehee...but by God's grace, I'm learning, and also by His grace, He'll help me handle mistakes better. Sooooo, dear bros/sis, please keep me accountable for this lesson I've learned!

This song played two roles for me: first time it helped me find sufficiency in who I am in Him; now it's helping me find sufficiency in His power to carry out His mission to take over the world. First time the song acted as a consoler, this time as a motivator.

May you be blessed by this song as I have been.

And here's what the writer says about the song:

It was "suggested that I write a song about the sufficiency of Christ by saying it as plainly as, 'He’s already all we need'.  So many times we come to Jesus in worship and ask Him for things that He already IS and has already done… What a concept to come into worship knowing who we are approaching…the absolute fullness of God, pleased to dwell in this Jesus whom we worship.  He’s already broken the chains…already seated us with Him…already invited us ‘into the glorious’."

Asking where You are, Lord
Wondering where You’ve been. 
Is like standing in a hurricane, trying to find the wind. 
And hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am. 

Is forgetting that Your thoughts for me, outnumber the sand. 
You filled the sun with morning light. 
You bid the moon to lead the night. 
You clothe the lilies bright and beautiful. 

You’re already all I need. 
Already everything that I could hope for. 
You’re already all I need. 
You’ve already set me free. 
Already making me. More like You. 
You’re already all I need. 
Jesus, You’re already all I need. 

Walking through this life without Your freedom in my heart.
Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart. 
So remind me of Your promises.
And all that You have done. 
In this world I will have trouble. 
That You have overcome. 
And every gift that I receive. 
You determine just for me. 
But nothing I desire compares with You. 

In Your fullness. You’re my all in all. 
In Your healing. I’m forever made whole. 
In Your freedom. Your love overflows.
 And carries me. You carry me. 

Lord, I Need You (Matt Maher)

Last night, God gave me the privilege of witnessing the return of a prodigal son/daughter. I witnessed my roommate's return to God. (And it is with her permission that I share my side of the story to you.) My account will not do the wonder (I don't really know how to name what happened...event is just not accurate) justice, especially because I didn't experience it firsthand, but what happened was just so darn amazing.

I went to bed at 2 (so this is well late into the night when the enemy is most comfortable), and fifteen minutes after lying down, my roommate who sleeps in the bunk above me starts groaning. She usually has bad dreams, but she never moans so I got up to ask if she was okay. But her groaning got louder as I approached her. It scared me and I jumped off screaming because it was THAT scary! My other roommate (we live in a triple) screamed too--and she's not the screaming type. I was trembling for a good five minutes. My roommate, she wanted to go to back to sleep, but instead, was convicted to pray and had us pray with her.

In her dream, she was on a website inviting (hehe) her to go to God, but as she was climbing to God, we (me and my other roommate) pushed her down. She was so frightened. And as we prayed with her, she revealed to us a sin she committed and confessed not feeling guilty about the sin. She felt she was drifting away from God and was too ashamed to go to God anymore. We prayed for God to deliver her from Satan's hand and we prayed for her to truly surrender her life to God. In her prayer, she kept saying sorry to God. As she kept saying sorry and asking God to take her back, she very naturally bowed down. After the prayer, she told us that she was completely at rest and not only that, she kept saying over and over and over again, "Thank You, God." Neither one, two, three, four, five, or six thank yous was enough to convey accurately how grateful she was, to convey how utterly underserving of His redemption she was. And afterwards she kept saying, "can you guys believe it, God invited me!" And after some more prayer she repeated, "God is so real and so good! I got to tell everyone what happened."

Through this crazy night, God showed us (me and my other roommate) what TRUE repentance looks like, what TRUE humility, TRUE peace, TRUE confidence in the power of Jesus' blood to wash away sins,  TRUE assurance in being His child, TRUE excitement for the commission He's given us looks like. Gosh, witness God doing so much work in so little time, and seeing God's harvest being sown is such an incredible sight.

Point: satan is real, God is real, God > enemy is truth, and God's saving grace is real.

Connection to this song: After the incident, we turned on pandora and this song played. It was very relevant. I think it expresses very well the kind of attitude we should have when God's touched us with the Gospel.

Anyways, may you be blessed with this blessing God's given us.

Lord I come, I confess

Bowing here I find my rest

Without you, I fall apart

You’re the one that guides my heart

Lord I need you, oh I need you.

Every hour that I need you

My one defense My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Sin runs deep,

Your grace is more

The creases found

Is where you are

Where you are, Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Where you are, Lord I am free

Holiness is Christ in me

Lord I need you, oh I need you

Every hour I need you

My one defence, My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Teach my song to rise to you

When temptation comes my way

When I cannot stand ill fall on you

Jesus your my hope and stay

Yes when I cannot stand ill fall on you

Jesus you’re my hope and stay

Lord I need you, oh I need you.

Every hour I need you.

My one defence, My righteousness

Oh God how I need you.

Your my one defense, My righteousness,

Oh God how I need you

My one defense, My righteousness, Oh God how I need you.

Already All I need--God's sufficiency

God's totally comforting me with this song, so I'd like to share it. May it bless you like it has for me. This song is about finding sufficiency in Christ. It's very pretty. The lyrics are SOOO good.

And here's what the writer says about the song:

It was "suggested that I write a song about the sufficiency of Christ by saying it as plainly as, 'He’s already all we need'.  So many times we come to Jesus in worship and ask Him for things that He already IS and has already done… What a concept to come into worship knowing who we are approaching…the absolute fullness of God, pleased to dwell in this Jesus whom we worship.  He’s already broken the chains…already seated us with Him…already invited us ‘into the glorious’."

Asking where You are, Lord
Wondering where You’ve been. 
Is like standing in a hurricane, trying to find the wind. 
And hoping for Your mercy to meet me where I am. 

Is forgetting that Your thoughts for me, outnumber the sand. 
You filled the sun with morning light. 
You bid the moon to lead the night. 
You clothe the lilies bright and beautiful. 

You’re already all I need. 
Already everything that I could hope for. 
You’re already all I need. 
You’ve already set me free. 
Already making me. More like You. 
You’re already all I need. 
Jesus, You’re already all I need. 

Walking through this life without Your freedom in my heart.
Is like holding onto shackles that You have torn apart. 
So remind me of Your promises.
And all that You have done. 
In this world I will have trouble. 
But You have overcome. 
And every gift that I receive. 
You determine just for me. 
But nothing I desire compares with You. 

In Your fullness. You’re my all in all. 
In Your healing. I’m forever made whole. 
In Your freedom. Your love overflows.
 And carries me. You carry me. 

For Your Splendor

I am feeling judged...which makes me very introspective, which is not good. My heart desperately cried out for help for someone to save me from my selfish heart. I didn't get it from my brothers and sisters like I expected but instead through Him, by His grace, so that I wouldn't rely on my bros/siss but on Him. I see connections to 1 Corinthians... So I've been praying to get out of this cycle of self-centeredness and this song is helping me a lot to focus on what God is doing rather than how imperfect I am now. I'm too concerned with being spiritually mature in people's eyes rather than God's. I should be searching for God and surrendering to Him to let Him shape me. 

So this song is for all those other people who are feeling judged and inadequate: you may be small and standing in the storm. You may be bare and cold now, but your season's coming and you will spring up in His faithfulness(one of which is to mature you to Christ's likeness, for His glory of course). Because your roots are deep in Him and you'll grow branches that bear fruit. For you are planted by the river of life and you'll grow up strong and beautiful for His splendor! You will blossom into what He hopes you to be. Rejoice in the Lord always; Rejoice! Do not be anxious about anything. For you can do all things through Him who strengthens you. He is able to save you from yourself. He is that powerful. Please trust Him...No more thinking how useless you are. Rest in His power and hope in your future, the new fate bought with His shed blood, evidenced by His resurrection, and sealed with the Helper. Humble yourself, embrace your badness because this needs to happen before His grace will be sufficient, and before you will to be able to praise Him with all your heart out of gratitude and awe of His love/grace/power/faithfulness/gentleness. Keep seeking God (who He is and His will for whatever He's placing in your heart) for He rewards those who seek Him. God promises this and our faithful God is kind of good at keeping promises ;) 

I am so concerned with what I look like from the outside
And will I blossom in to what you hope I’ll be.
Yet you are so patient just to help me see that blooms come from the deepest seed that you planted in me.

Some times it’s hard to grow when ever body is watching.
To have your heart pruned by the One who knows best
Although I am bare and cold I know my season’s coming
And I will spring up in….in this faithfulness.

CHORUS:
With my roots deep in you
I will grow the branch that bares the fruit
And though I’m small I still will be standing in the storm.
Cause I am planted by the river
By your streams of living water
And I will grow up strong and beautiful all for your splendor Lord.

So with my arms stretched out I am swaying to your heartbeat.
I am growing with the sound of your voice calling
You are bringing out the beauty that you had put in me
For your joy and for your glory falling.

Pieces By Meredith Andrews

It's a complex puzzle you call your lifeIt's an uphill climb, it's a constant fightAnd it wears you downFeeling like you're alone, like you don't belongAnd you won't be loved if you don't measure upAnd you wear your scarsLike they're who you are
Give Him your wounds, your bruised and broken piecesAll your questions, all your secretsYou don't have to hide who you areYou belong to someone greaterThan all your past mistakes and failuresRested who He isHe knows how to make your pieces fit
He's the light on the road when you're lost in the darkAnd He won't run away if you show your heartWants you to believe itYou can taste that freedom
You are completely knownYou are completely lovedThis is where you belongistakes and failuresRest in who He is
Lately, I've been just been thinking about how much I suck and I realize how self-absorbed I am whenever I dwell in my mistakes, but I just couldn't help it. But today at church, the pastor was talking about the greatness of His power and how able He is to save us from our sins. No sin is too sinful for Him to redeem because He is THAT powerful. Along with talking about the His power, the pastor also talked about finding security in our identities in Christ. We're going through the book of Ephesians, and the pastor always mentions in every service how Paul mentions a lot of times in that book "in Him." And it's just this "not about God's creation, but God the creator" theme that keeps coming up in Paul's messages and in my life. So yeah, I may be messed up and broken into pieces, but He can make something beautiful out of me (made of broken pieces). He can fit them together and create a different and better me because He's that smart, and that powerful. Because He is so able, I can rest in Him. I don't have to worry about putting myself back together, because I can't, but He can and He will. 
Also, this album is reallllly good, ten times better than Believer. Her messages are always God or cross-centered. Here are some of her other songs and the lyrics...plus she sings well! :P 

Run For Your Life

"Run For Your Life" ~The Fray

I couldn't decide which Fray song to share cuz I've been putting on a couple of them on repeat hahaa, but I think this one wins out :]. I wouldn't consider this a praise song, but definitely a really encouraging song to chew on. It's just my interpretation, and it could be "right" or not, in an interpretive sense or spiritual sense too, if you any thoughts about it, comment :D!

17 years by her side
broke the same bread, wore the same clothes and you said,
We're sisters with nothing between
If one of us fall, the other will soon be following...

Both of you fell the same day,
you don't know why,  but one of you never woke up
and you lay your body down on the floor
desperate to hear her footsteps again
..but this house is on fire, and we need to go..

Woah, You don't have to go it alone, go it alone

Run for your life, my love
Run and you don't give up
with all that you are, all that you want
I will be close behind
Run for your life

She had a fire inside, and that terrified you
you swore you'd never lose your control
Baby, let yourself go, cuz part of you hides
and I know the hunger inside of you's strong
You can only hold back the river so long..

 Woah, You don't have to go it alone, go it alone

Run for your life, my love
Run and you don't give up
with all that you are, all that you want

Run for your life right now
and if you don't know how
I'll go back with you, take all that's true,
leave all that's burned behind
Run for your life

Woah, You don't have to go it alone...

I feel like there's so much I can say about this song. What I really enjoy about songs by the Fray is that their songs are like poems or abstract paintings, which at first glance can be simply pretty yet confusing, but when you sit and digest for a while, can bring about some really awesome reflections.

The story being painted here as it starts in the first verse is one of intense loss.. an incomparably close relationship ending prematurely.. The one sister who is left, perhaps wondering why this all happened and simply longing for a return to what was, but if she stays in her sorrow, she will surely be lost as well. (But this house is on fire, and we need to go..) It's so hard to let go of what's past. Perhaps this can represent our shame, guilt or pain--the relationships lost, the "what ifs," etc.

I interpret this song to say this: from all the pain and guilt that we experience, for the sake our lives, we gotta get out of that burning house. (Run for your life...) If we stayed in our guilt and pain, we will get consumed and burned up along with it. And the only chance at actual living is to leave it behind.

(You don't have to go it alone...I will be close behind...
And if you don't know how, I'll go back with you, take all that's true, leave all that's burned behind.)

But it's definitely scary to leave it all behind... but you are not alone. There are others who are running for their lives too; everyone experiences sorrow and shame that they need to leave behind. I can imagine this song being sung by a friend for me, reminding me that they'll be with me every step of the way. I think that's why I really like this song; I think it's meant to be an encouragement to us who are guilt- or pain-ridden, and it's meant for us to sing to our family and friends as well, for us to be there for each other when we really don't know how to get out of our burning homes.

[btw, I wanna congratulate you for reading this far, I am very long winded xD]

Perhaps this song is comparable to the verse in Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

That's something this song may be missing, but I would like to add: our brokenness is what causes us run to Jesus. And where are we running to anyways? How would we save our lives? Only by "fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith". I'm realizing that God doesn't necessarily want us to run from our brokenness, but to allow that brokenness to move us--make us RUN--to Him.

But I DO want to sing this kind of song for my brothers and sisters; that I'd be willing to run along with them, to go back to all the burned, and to stick close. Needless to say, I really like this song :].