"here I am" - Downhere

To be honest, I haven't been spending a good amount of time listening to music, so that's why I haven't been able to post a new song. I actually wrote this on 12/24/09...a long time ago. I wanted to go back to an old draft that I started, but never really got to finish. I really do like this song and as I listen to it now, I realize how it also relates to what I am currently going through. I find it funny how I can use this one song and relate it to two different events in my life.

Right now, I feel pretty empty. Life is good...i have everything i could possibly need or maybe even want, but I want more. I wish that I was more productive. Rather than hanging out with friends, i want to volunteer, have a job, or maybe even evangelize (like the theme from retreat =P). It's kind of a long story, but it's gone to the point where I feel like I wouldn't want the typical American lifestyle (family, suburbia, job)...although there's nothing wrong with it. It is really a long story and if you really want to know, just ask me! But yeah....somehow God placed the word, "missionary", into my head. Okay, I don't know where I am going with this. Anyways, I hope that you can see how all of this connects to the song. The last three paragraphs were written a long time ago...I am leaving it as it is, so that means I did not edit it! Sorry for the long and messy post...I am tired now. Thanks for reading! =]



It amazes me to know that God crafts my life in a way that is different from everyone else's. Through all the struggles, low and high moments of my life, God was always there whether or not I acknowledged His existence. This song relates to certain events that I went through lately. For example, the lines: "Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness. And the fear that I'll fail You in the end. In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can," relates to my grandpa's situation. The words fit into this struggle perfectly. I was weak and afraid of failure and disappointing others, but God got me through. What I went through serves a piece of my relationship with God. I know that

This song reflects a lot of what I've been going through lately. With my grandpa and other similar situations, I was succumbed into this fear of failing what I was called to do. I do notice that I am the type of person that likes to "go with the flow." There's a part of me that relied a lot on God to carry out His plan without my help. This is the reason why I sometimes lack the motivation to for example plan for certain events . Failure or success, God knew what was going to happen before I even started planning. In many ways, if my grandpa did not receive Christ in his life, then I knew that I couldn't change what God has planned. With this thinking, I let life take its course. Despite all that, time killed me. Waiting for death is no fun at all. Although I knew that there was a possibility that my grandpa could have received Christ without my help, I also knew that I was letting others do that instead of me. My excuses were that I was not ready or I was too weak or I just didn't know what to do. I soon got angry with my idleness because at the same time, I acknowledged the fact that God moves through people. I used God's sovereignty over everything as an excuse to do nothing. It's the same way I rely on others to make things better for me.

I really want this one particular friend to receive Christ. In a way, I relate to her a lot. She questions me a lot about Christianity. The line: "somehow my story is part of Your plan," really hits me. I've gone through a lot and it is thanks to this reminder that God uses my life to somehow fit into where His plan is going. I think my friend can relate a lot to my testimony. I think she believes that I can never understand what she goes through sometimes. With my testimony, she can see that I do understand and I now know what to do about it.

How He Loves Us

Yay, another great worship song! =D.

This is "How He Loves", written by John Mark McMillan, covered by David Crowder Band. but WAIT, before you play the song, I want to ask you to try something: try closing your eyes, or spacing out, so you could focus on the words in your head instead of reading them. Allow the words just sink in your mind & heart.



yeah..

The imagery in this song is so..wow. The very first line is the one that almost everybody will remember: "He is jealous of me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree; bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy." God's love is so strong, and so AL;KJFGA;JFAW! Really though. Though words cannot explain the greatness of God's love, this song puts it in a way for us to remind us that He really DOES love us! How often do we forget that? SO often, for me. "Oh, how He loves us so.. Oh how He loves us.. how He loves us so." I realize that I never deserved such a love. Its so overwhelming.

In our hearts, I pray that we can worship HIM with a full heart, knowing that He gaves His only Son to die for us, and continually blesses and loves us unconditionally!



Oh, and by the way, here is a link to the Official Music Video of the song for David Crowder Band. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJyW55AXJAk . If you have time, I really encourage you to check it out. I gotta let you know, its a little strange...and it didn't really click for me the first time, especially during the chorus. But now, when I see the band members (comically :]) completely flipping out, I realize that it's a kind of reaction we would have if we understand just how much God REALLY loves us! How could we possibly keep it inside?

"YEAH HE LOVES US!! OHHH HOW HE LOVES US!! OOH HOW HE LOVES US!! OOHHH HOW HE LOVES!!!"

=]. God loves you!