Spirit vs the Kick Drum

"Spirit VS the Kick Drum" ~Derek Webb

I just think this song is really interesting. And I admit that it's a little weird. I'm still trying to understand some of the verses, but the basic gist of it I get, and I feel its worth sharing.

It challenges if we know what we want when we ask for the Spirit, the Son, and the Father. It's something I ask myself every now and then, especially as a worship leader. When I worship, am I really more moved by the music or am i moved by the Holy Spirit? Sometimes this question can be overly complicated, but it reminds me to be conscious to seek HIM out, and not just some fleeting emotions. It also makes me think about whether my perception of the Trinity is Biblically based. Do I live life seeking the approval of my peers (or coming out as 'better' than them) than i do the grace of Jesus? Do I expect Father to give me everything I want, or trust Him to give me everything I need?

I think this song it's a catchy and creative way to have us evaluate whether or not we really seek out God (all parts of Him; Father, Son, and Spirit), or if we seek a God that conforms to what we want. I pray that if I or any of us stray from a Biblical view of Jesus, the Father, or the Holy Spirit, that we would lovingly redirect me or them back to scripture. =].

To Know You - Casting Crowns

As I am struggling with my spiritual brokenness, I long forgotten the God I once knew (or if I ever knew Him at all). At my weakest moment within the past couple of days, it has become apparent to me that I don't trust God. I fear this world more than I fear Him. It hurts so much to write out my true feelings when all I have been doing for the past couple of days and even weeks was to leave it under a rug. I didn't even know how to pull the truth out to the surface. With a little help, the truth finally came out. It's funny how Satan works. He took something so precious to me and used it against me by making me feel guilt and shame. I've been conflicted with a choice I have to make and it was such a struggle for me to see clearly what God wanted for me. Someone asked me if I have been talking and listening to God. I told him "yes." From the way he saw it, I was not being honest. Yes, I've tried talking to God, but I realize I've been plugging my ears whenever I came close to a decision. There's a certain fear and guilt I feel towards the decisions He laid out for me and this is what revealed my distrust in God. Right now I don't know Him at all, but I want to know Him.

Times

So, my relationship with God hasn't been going really well. And I really want it to go well. I'm stuck. I keep giving myself advice, telling myself things that start with "you should..." or "you shouldn't," so even though I know what I'm supposed to do to get out, I am still stuck. Now that I think about it, I really don't know what to do. I'm just referring to past solutions to past problems and I guess this is a new problem. Though the situations feel so similar.

I felt like I was a bad leader because I didn't see much spiritual growth within the group, and I started to act the part of a good leader. I started pretending to be wise, strong, independent. I even hid the fact that I was starting to feel once again, unloved. But this wasn't enough for the people to see me as a leader and I kind of started a competition with everyone else. I compared myself to anyone who was looked up to in their field, and I tried to beat them. Then I realized how unleaderly I was being, and I told myself, "you should stop being so arrogant, are you honestly trying to do God's job for him? You realize that only God can lead his people to him. It's not your job." But I ignored the voice in the sense that I didn't let it affect me. Looking back, ugh, I really don't like me. I was feeding on people's praise instead of God's praise. I just felt so much pressure to not be a bad leader because I didn't want to take for granted God's privilege for me. But I'm so tired of counting how many times I fail and I'm so tired of covering up the many times I do fail. I'm just so scared that there might be a possibility that God wanted me to say "no" to being a leader. Ahh, the pressure is getting back to me. Anyways, I like this song because it's simple. I've been calculating and measuring my relationship with God for a while now and I just want to throw all my records away and let our relationship be. I've been feeling a lack of love as a result of my measuring and I cried because this song overwhelmed me. I don't like that I am a crybaby and a weakling, but I like that it is a blessing from God. Yeah, God gives me many blessings I take for granted. Anyways, I was overwhelmed by the truth this song illustrates: He is faithful.

I need to love you
I love to see you, but its been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh. (repeat 4)
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Spotlight

"Spotlight" ~MuteMath

I've wanted to put this song on the blog for so long now that most people who reads this blog probably already knows it hahaa. Oh well, up it goes (after taking fOREVER to write haha).

This song is kind of a challenge to people who try to hold onto their pride and image, especially around other people. Like myself at some times. Sometimes I try really hard to keep myself together; to restrain myself from messing up, looking stupid, or whatever so other people won't have a negative opinion of me. I mean, how many of us can relate to you just tried to hard and you froze. Another line in there reminds me that the one thing you're trying to hold will be the on thing you got to let go. Kinda like how Paul tells the church of Corinth in his second letter that God's grace is sufficient for them, so they should rather boast in their WEAKNESS so that God's strength can be shown! At our last prayer meeting, Annie said something along those lines, about how she realized that God wants her to boast in her weaknesses and not try to pretend to be super-human-leader-person, because she knows that Christ is SO magnified when we can admit our faults and give them up to God. Nuff said thar =D.

I love these parts: Just take the fall. You're one of us. / Because everyone would rather watch you fall. One thing that my discipler has been trying to impress upon me for the past two years or so is what it means to be human, and I think this song really speaks to that. I'm still learning to simply be able to admit before God, myself, and others that I'm not all that I want to be or try to be. I know ya'll aren't cruel and wouldn't REALLY rather see me screw up, but i think it's cool when we can all come to a place and admit our faults and live under God's grace together. So this is just me still learning: I am human; i have my gifts and i have my struggles and I too need God as my Savior.

And its a fun song.

dear heart - sanctus real

So...I don't know why, but I felt like sharing this song a while ago. I saved it as a draft and now I feel like I should finish what I started even though this is not exactly what I am going through right now. I do like this song a lot though. I do sing this song whenever I do feel like I am getting too consumed in the love I find in people and the world. This song actually reminds me of all the silly things I go through with my relationships with the opposite gender ><. haha I know this is sort of a taboo subject for me, but I do want to share this song with you guys because I know that we all get that way sometimes and I hope that when we (including me) do get that way, we would sing this song to snap us out of being caught up in something we sometimes treat as priority over God.

You know what? As harsh as it may sound, we deserve having our hearts broken sometimes. Now that I think about it...I feel like this is how God shows us how s despite our ignorance and His constant warnings to guard our hearts, we choose our own short-cut paths to what we think will lead us to love and happiness. We lead ourselves to our own destruction. I would never to take it out on God for my own mistake, but I do question Him a lot whenever I feel like He is withholding a blessing from me. Even though it is still a constant struggle for me, I've come to accept that He is not! He is doing the right thing because He does know what is best for us. Like a father, he wants to protect his children from the false love the world advertizes. He does not lock us up in a cage to protect us, but instead allows us to make our own choices and decisions. Free-will does allow us to learn from our mistakes, but free-will is what leads us into those mistakes in the first place! Under His guidance, I am sure that we can save ourselves from some hurt.

I wasn't expecting to write this much. This song is pretty self-explanatory. I know that a lot of songs have lyrics along the lines of "...follow your heart..." I am telling you to not follow your heart, but to follow God! thanks for reading =D

You Are My Strength

I just wanna get this out before I go to sleep =]. Hopefully its no less encouraging.


"You Are My Strength" ~Hillsong

This is a very simple song.. but I sing it to God very often, especially when I feel tired. Of work, people, school... GOD is my strength. JESUS is my hope. HIS unfailing love is my encouragement. It's when I realize my weakness and I sing to Him songs with a heart of weakness that I recognize His strength and worship Him for who He is.

I just want to remind you that if you're going through rough times, He can be your strength. I think the hardest part, including for myself, is giving up my own strength for His mighty one.

Peace in Christ, everyone =].

Fire Fall Down

hi guys =]. it's been a while! and I don't have much to type out right now, but there have been a bunch of songs that i've been singing down the street all over the place, redirecting my mind and heart back onto God. oh yeah, they're all Hillsong-songs x].


"Fire Fall Down" ~Hillsong United

A long ago, I was talking to Vivian about how much I liked this song, and she brought up a really good thought about the bridge, which goes "Fire, fall down..fire, fall down on us...": "What does that mean? To pray for God's fire to fall down? Is that something we really want?" And it wasn't really since I've listened to it recently that I feel God had reminded me of the dual-meaning of fire. Because when we think of fire, especially fire that falls down, we think of Judgment, as in Sodom & Gomorrah. My pastor from my SD church mentioned how, in the end, Jesus will burn away all the weeds..all the things that don't glorify Him. And in my own life, I have all these weeds. These gross things that don't glorify Him, that hurt Him and others, etc.

God deserves only the things that will glorify Him, and I guess this bridge is asking God to not only to burn away the weeds, but to leave refined the things of gold He put in us. It reminded me of the verse in 1 Cor 3:12-13 - "If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work." I know that God will, in the very end, burn away all the displeasing things.. but I'm just praying for that longing for Him to do that in me now as well.

I also really like the verses :]. and the chorus.

These hands are Yours
Teach them to serve as You please
And I'll reach out
Desperate to see all the greatness of God
May my soul rest assured in You

'Cuz I know that You're alive
You came to fix my broken life
And I'll sing to glorify
Your Holy Name,
Jesus Christ