Send Revival-- Start With Me

~Petra "Send Revival, Start With Me"

Lord send revival, start with me
for I am one of unclean lips
and my eyes have seen the King
Your glory I have glimpsed,
send revival, start with me...

God's been doing something really crazy in me, and I really pray that I don't easily forget it. He's been making my selfish pride evident in my face, and how I tend to use my self-righteousness to judge other people. As He convicted me of my self-righteousness and pride, He led me back to His Word in Matthew 7:1-5,

when Jesus says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way, you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Ironically, in my arrogance, I jokingly (but hurtfully) pointed out a splinter in my friend's eye, but failed to see the tree in my own eye. Often times I fail to first examine myself or let God work in ME, but I can so easily point out what other people need to work on. But after that incident, God reminded me of this song, that asks God to first work in ourselves first.

After looking more closely at this song, I found out this song is based on Isaiah 6. In that chapter, Isaiah is taken to see the glory of God, and he cries "Woe is me! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty" (v5). Then God takes a coal to Isaiah's lips, atoning for his sin. It's only after this that God sends Isaiah to send a message to His people in His name.

A lot of times I find myself thinking about how much our churches, fellowships, and friends need God and need Jesus. But what about myself? I think its because I don't have the larger perspective; Isaiah first needed to see how ruined HE was before God Almighty. Revival needed to start in Isaiah before he could be sent out to minister of revival for God. And I know the same is needed in myself. Though I know I'm completely redeemed in Christ Jesus, He's still working to fully crucify the Pharisee and self-righteousness in me to love other people and be a minister of His love.

I know that I honestly desire God to be glorified in the lives of other people. But before I can ask God for revival in our fellowship, church, other people, I must first ask God to heal me. Lord send revival..start with me.

Oh My Dear

"Oh My Dear" ~Tenth Avenue North

I listened to this song for the first time while I was in China with Aaron, and I listened to it several times again. It's really good =]. It's like a story, and I like that too. It's a song about meeting people where they're at, and being there for them. It's also a song about grace, and loving people unconditionally.

I think there are two pictures being painted in this song:
One is of Jesus, and how He went the farthest mile to meet us where we're at. And once we're able to tell Him our things we feel the most disgusted with, our ugliest parts, He doesn't turn away, but He listens to us and STILL loves us and takes us as we are. It's kinda like what we learned at Family Retreat, that God can make the distinction between the person and the disease of our sin. It's pretty awesome.

The other is of people loving and showing grace to other people. I think its important for us and myself to ask ourselves if we love like Christ would; are we willing to go that mile? One really cool thing about this song is that the speaker initiates the conversations with his/her friend, being the one to ask how they're doing and asking if they could talk for longer. The thing is, even when we say "yes, I will," its really hard to continue to encourage them.. but that's why we need to draw strength from the love that God shows us.

I myself haven't been as motivated as i used to to that extra mile and ask how people are doing.. to stop listening to myself and make the effort to tune into other people's channel and listen with God's love. Or, on the other hand, to let others hear my pain, and share with brothers or sisters about the things that shame me, knowing that Christ's blood washes over all of it. Yeah. I just really like this song. I'm not saying we need to share our problems with absolutely everyone (unless we feel convicted do so!), but I do hope that I and we can move towards transparency that is centered on Christ's work of love on the cross for us, so we can be God's arms for each other when we need it.

You slowly lifted your hands from your head
You said, "I just don't think you'll understand"
You'll never look at me that way again
If you knew what I did"

And so your tears fell and melted the snow
You told me secrets nobody had known
Oh, but I never loved you more
Even though I knew what you did

Until this guilt begins to crack,
And the weight falls from your back
Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight.

=].

Spirit vs the Kick Drum

"Spirit VS the Kick Drum" ~Derek Webb

I just think this song is really interesting. And I admit that it's a little weird. I'm still trying to understand some of the verses, but the basic gist of it I get, and I feel its worth sharing.

It challenges if we know what we want when we ask for the Spirit, the Son, and the Father. It's something I ask myself every now and then, especially as a worship leader. When I worship, am I really more moved by the music or am i moved by the Holy Spirit? Sometimes this question can be overly complicated, but it reminds me to be conscious to seek HIM out, and not just some fleeting emotions. It also makes me think about whether my perception of the Trinity is Biblically based. Do I live life seeking the approval of my peers (or coming out as 'better' than them) than i do the grace of Jesus? Do I expect Father to give me everything I want, or trust Him to give me everything I need?

I think this song it's a catchy and creative way to have us evaluate whether or not we really seek out God (all parts of Him; Father, Son, and Spirit), or if we seek a God that conforms to what we want. I pray that if I or any of us stray from a Biblical view of Jesus, the Father, or the Holy Spirit, that we would lovingly redirect me or them back to scripture. =].

To Know You - Casting Crowns

As I am struggling with my spiritual brokenness, I long forgotten the God I once knew (or if I ever knew Him at all). At my weakest moment within the past couple of days, it has become apparent to me that I don't trust God. I fear this world more than I fear Him. It hurts so much to write out my true feelings when all I have been doing for the past couple of days and even weeks was to leave it under a rug. I didn't even know how to pull the truth out to the surface. With a little help, the truth finally came out. It's funny how Satan works. He took something so precious to me and used it against me by making me feel guilt and shame. I've been conflicted with a choice I have to make and it was such a struggle for me to see clearly what God wanted for me. Someone asked me if I have been talking and listening to God. I told him "yes." From the way he saw it, I was not being honest. Yes, I've tried talking to God, but I realize I've been plugging my ears whenever I came close to a decision. There's a certain fear and guilt I feel towards the decisions He laid out for me and this is what revealed my distrust in God. Right now I don't know Him at all, but I want to know Him.

Times

So, my relationship with God hasn't been going really well. And I really want it to go well. I'm stuck. I keep giving myself advice, telling myself things that start with "you should..." or "you shouldn't," so even though I know what I'm supposed to do to get out, I am still stuck. Now that I think about it, I really don't know what to do. I'm just referring to past solutions to past problems and I guess this is a new problem. Though the situations feel so similar.

I felt like I was a bad leader because I didn't see much spiritual growth within the group, and I started to act the part of a good leader. I started pretending to be wise, strong, independent. I even hid the fact that I was starting to feel once again, unloved. But this wasn't enough for the people to see me as a leader and I kind of started a competition with everyone else. I compared myself to anyone who was looked up to in their field, and I tried to beat them. Then I realized how unleaderly I was being, and I told myself, "you should stop being so arrogant, are you honestly trying to do God's job for him? You realize that only God can lead his people to him. It's not your job." But I ignored the voice in the sense that I didn't let it affect me. Looking back, ugh, I really don't like me. I was feeding on people's praise instead of God's praise. I just felt so much pressure to not be a bad leader because I didn't want to take for granted God's privilege for me. But I'm so tired of counting how many times I fail and I'm so tired of covering up the many times I do fail. I'm just so scared that there might be a possibility that God wanted me to say "no" to being a leader. Ahh, the pressure is getting back to me. Anyways, I like this song because it's simple. I've been calculating and measuring my relationship with God for a while now and I just want to throw all my records away and let our relationship be. I've been feeling a lack of love as a result of my measuring and I cried because this song overwhelmed me. I don't like that I am a crybaby and a weakling, but I like that it is a blessing from God. Yeah, God gives me many blessings I take for granted. Anyways, I was overwhelmed by the truth this song illustrates: He is faithful.

I need to love you
I love to see you, but its been so long
I long to feel you
I feel this need for you'
and i need to hear you
is that so wrong?
oh oh oh, oh oh oh, oh oh oh
now you pulled me near you
when we're close i fear you
still im afraid to tell you
all that i've done
are you done forgiving?
or can you look pass my pretending?
Lord i'm so tired of defending
what i've become
what have i become?
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh. (repeat 4)
i hear you say "my love is over,
its underneath, its inside, its in between
the times you doubt me, when you can't feel
the times that you've questioned 'is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate me and the times that you bend
well my love is over, its underneath
its inside, its in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace
the times you're hurting
the times that you heal
the times you go hungry and *are tempted* to steal
in times of confusion and chaos and pain
im there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame
im there through your heartache
im there in the storm
my love i will keep you by my power alone
i dont care where you've fallen, where you have been
i'll never forsake you
my love never ends, it never ends
mmm, mmm
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh

Spotlight

"Spotlight" ~MuteMath

I've wanted to put this song on the blog for so long now that most people who reads this blog probably already knows it hahaa. Oh well, up it goes (after taking fOREVER to write haha).

This song is kind of a challenge to people who try to hold onto their pride and image, especially around other people. Like myself at some times. Sometimes I try really hard to keep myself together; to restrain myself from messing up, looking stupid, or whatever so other people won't have a negative opinion of me. I mean, how many of us can relate to you just tried to hard and you froze. Another line in there reminds me that the one thing you're trying to hold will be the on thing you got to let go. Kinda like how Paul tells the church of Corinth in his second letter that God's grace is sufficient for them, so they should rather boast in their WEAKNESS so that God's strength can be shown! At our last prayer meeting, Annie said something along those lines, about how she realized that God wants her to boast in her weaknesses and not try to pretend to be super-human-leader-person, because she knows that Christ is SO magnified when we can admit our faults and give them up to God. Nuff said thar =D.

I love these parts: Just take the fall. You're one of us. / Because everyone would rather watch you fall. One thing that my discipler has been trying to impress upon me for the past two years or so is what it means to be human, and I think this song really speaks to that. I'm still learning to simply be able to admit before God, myself, and others that I'm not all that I want to be or try to be. I know ya'll aren't cruel and wouldn't REALLY rather see me screw up, but i think it's cool when we can all come to a place and admit our faults and live under God's grace together. So this is just me still learning: I am human; i have my gifts and i have my struggles and I too need God as my Savior.

And its a fun song.

dear heart - sanctus real

So...I don't know why, but I felt like sharing this song a while ago. I saved it as a draft and now I feel like I should finish what I started even though this is not exactly what I am going through right now. I do like this song a lot though. I do sing this song whenever I do feel like I am getting too consumed in the love I find in people and the world. This song actually reminds me of all the silly things I go through with my relationships with the opposite gender ><. haha I know this is sort of a taboo subject for me, but I do want to share this song with you guys because I know that we all get that way sometimes and I hope that when we (including me) do get that way, we would sing this song to snap us out of being caught up in something we sometimes treat as priority over God.

You know what? As harsh as it may sound, we deserve having our hearts broken sometimes. Now that I think about it...I feel like this is how God shows us how s despite our ignorance and His constant warnings to guard our hearts, we choose our own short-cut paths to what we think will lead us to love and happiness. We lead ourselves to our own destruction. I would never to take it out on God for my own mistake, but I do question Him a lot whenever I feel like He is withholding a blessing from me. Even though it is still a constant struggle for me, I've come to accept that He is not! He is doing the right thing because He does know what is best for us. Like a father, he wants to protect his children from the false love the world advertizes. He does not lock us up in a cage to protect us, but instead allows us to make our own choices and decisions. Free-will does allow us to learn from our mistakes, but free-will is what leads us into those mistakes in the first place! Under His guidance, I am sure that we can save ourselves from some hurt.

I wasn't expecting to write this much. This song is pretty self-explanatory. I know that a lot of songs have lyrics along the lines of "...follow your heart..." I am telling you to not follow your heart, but to follow God! thanks for reading =D