"the motions" by matthew west

hmm.....we were listening to this song during our worship training lessons and some of guys may have heard this song before. Well, this song really touched me and it made so much thoughts run through my mind. When i tried to explain what the song means to me, it came out all mumbo jumbo. I guess for me I need to learn how to produce my speech more effectively by channeling my thoughts in a more mannered way. It actually takes me a while to have a clear idea of what my mind is thinking. I think it is because i look at my thoughts in so many different angles and it sometimes causes contradiction and confusion.

Anyways, I will again attempt to analyze this song. For some reason, this song said something different to me than to the other people. I can see what they are talking about when they said that this song is about not going through our temporary highs or lows or whatever, but like being fully committed and not mediocre? For me it was something different. Whenever I felt depressed or very down, the thought of me being the only real thing in this world appears. It is like I would look around and see all the "happy people." I know it was my mind playing with me because in reality there is no such thing as someone constantly being happy. I think the reason I saw people happy was because I wasn't happy. It was more centered on me like the whole "woe is me" kind of thing. I felt like the "happy people" were all an illusion. It was like how can they all be so "okay"? Why am I the only one so down? Why are these things happening in my life? It seems like it is not happening to them, why? They must not be real......because it does not seem like they are feeling anything but that one emotion. umm ahh I can't explain this. You know how when people hide their sorrows and look cheerful all the time, they look kind of fake no offense. Like the happiness is all surface stuff, there is no depth or inner things going on.....? ok well i tried to explain......but anyways that was how i felt before. I got really angry at myself whenever i thought about this. It is because I know that others feel this same kind of down that i feel, some even feel worse. It was more of like I didn't want to believe that people could relate. I guess it was an act of want....... Wanting pity. I don't know anymore......but looking at the video, there was one scene of an African child ^. I can't imagine what he is going through. I always wondered what his lifestyle was like. Knowing that he may not have parents, may have a disease, may be starving everyday, struggling with a war in his country and being forcefully drafted into it or farming in the hot sun for cocoa beans to make the American chocolate we eat here. Well....there is a lot more. I don't know if that is what he is going through, but I wonder if it is close to what i have typed. I feel so selfish knowing that I think only about myself and letting myself feel those thoughts........

umm well i guess it shows how consumed i get into my emotions. It has led me to think selfishly. In a way I guess feeling down is not such a bad thing. At least it gives me the quality of feeling empathetic towards people. It shows how much I need God. It also shows that I am alive. That I am feeling things that are real to me; I have come to that kind of conclusion because of my relationship with God. All those thoughts and feelings that I have felt before was before I started coming to church. By having God working inside of me and listening to like Mark and the other adults, I realize that tangent things are not real. Although you can touch it, see it , smell it, or even taste it, it is all surface. The surface does not always last. It is all about the prize inside the box. I can't see emotions. I can see emotions being expressed, but I can't literally see emotions itself. It shows that emotions are real and that they are blessings from God. They help us grow and experience so much more in life. I will feel down, but from now on I won't let myself think that others can't relate. "I don't want to go through the motions." I won't let my emotions control me anymore and living my life doing/thinking what it wants. I won't move according to my emotions anymore. well i will at least try XP

"I don't care if I break at least I am feeling something.""Cause just okay is not enough.""Help me fight through the nothingness of this life." "I don't want to go through one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me."" take me all the way." yeah....those are some of the lyrics. I really like the part "take me all they way." To me, i think of it as God carrying me through the experience all the way and not having pit stops. Like don't make me experience it only half way but fully. Let me think about this and reflect upon it through this long process. Help me through the obstacles of this race and come at the finish line victoriously. Be by my side always.

Yeah.....not sure if this is less confusing than what I tried to say during class. Hopefully you guys understand XD If not, it is okay. I will work on it. Well, i will try =P