Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Only Love Remains...
So recently, I've been having a few issues. I've been feeling like I don't feel the way I should feel in my times of distress. I have the urge to feel broken, because too often, I think as though I deserve better. I feel like I need to find that point where I know I'm worthless, where I feel dirty, unwanted. Pride has clouded my mindset, and I need to get rid of it.
So (if you've seen my post > abicaiyou.xanga.com xP) this kind of realization came up one day when we were driving home from school, and I was listening to Oh My Dear by Tenth Avenue North. That's also a great song, so you should listen to it when you get the chance.
Anyways... yesterday, I was on facebook, and on the side, I saw those adds for other fan pages, like "fans of this also like Chris Tomlin and ..." or something. I came across an artist named Audrey Assad. I liked her music too, but when I went on youtube to find some more songs by her, I stumbled across this artist, JJ Heller. So I dont know if you will enjoy this type of music, or anything like that. But this song in particular spoke to me, saying that I can't rid myself of my own stupid thoughts on my own. I need to ask God for His help even in that. Even in wanting to need God, I need God. I need God to fix my mindset, because this world is so broken, that I feel like that's the bar to be set at.
Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains
As I've been studying psychology, I've realized that I've used coping mechanisms, I've gone through many emotions. Yet, I've also realized that this whole population has, too. The main thing that stood out to me: Catharsis. Catharsis is when you try to take out your all your anger in order to get rid of it (pretty much proven to not really work). And the title of this song, the end of the chorus: only love remains. I want that for my heart. I want to be able to love with no inhibitions. And I know that I'm incapable of doing these things on my own. But God's here to provide ways that I can't even dream of.
I know that Im a shadow
But Im dancing in your light...
P.S. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place... I'm kind of out of it... haha =P
- Abi
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2 comments:
Hi Ab, thank you so much for this very real/honest post. I'm really blessed to hear how you're seeking God while you're going through all this crud.
I really like the imagery of the 2nd half of the chorus. breathe into my spirit /
breathe into my veins /
until only love remains. I really like the image of God breathing into our veins, and letting His love be everything. The line "teach me to be humble" also stuck out for me.
It's really cool you bring up this topic, because yesterday night I went to Bible Study and we studied the part of Paul's Corinthian letters that are about us boasting in only God, and boasting in our weaknesses because of God (1 Cor 1:26-31, 2 Cor 12:7-10). And by the end of the night, I was pretty convinced that it's been a long time since I've humbled myself before God. Coincidentally (or not?), right before we ended I was feeling SUPER crummy.. and I wasn't sure why. STILL not sure why.. but this song you shared really focuses me. One other song I think that goes well with this for me is "Empty Me" by Chris Sligh.
Thanks for sharing this. Look forward to cool talks with you at home =].
Haha...I don't really know how to respond. I guess I somewhat have the same problem. Yeah..it's too hard for me to explain =P Anyways, thank you for your honesty. It's really cool how you want to feel broken. A lot of us want to have a life without troubles or problems. We want to get closer to God. We want Him to pick us up when we're down..yeah something like that..hehe xD
Thanks Abi!
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