Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Come Home - Luminate
I am wasting my time posting this, but oh wells. I really wanted to share this song with you all XD. Anyways I was listening to K-Love as I was finishing up my SECOND attempt for my math homework (that I failed twice T_T), and I was thinking "Yes, I do need to come home." I feel distant with God (and I am planning to be Baptized soon so I really want to have a closer relationship with Him before I do). I know He's here with me as I am typing this really late/early in the morning ><.
I really want to do a lot of things at Riverside, to show God's love to the people who are going to parties, drinking, and getting high, but I feel like I need to go back "home" in order to do so. Who wants to be a hypocrite for God? God is real to all of us, and we should be real to Him.
Please pray for me that my classes won't occupy me even more than it already is. I'm taking four and one of my classes have a lot of reading. So please pray that the reading won't consume me whole, and that I may keep up with it. Thank you XD
And I still remember what a friend said to me, "I can see you as a warrior." And I do want to be a warrior for God, to fight for His light to shine in the city of Riverside (I love their low sales taxes XD).
Sorry if it's confusing >< Still working on grammar and stuff =P
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2 comments:
It's kinda cool, this song is kind of speaking to how I'm feeling now. I especially feel it in the second verse:
you can try to fix a broken empire,
and put bricks on a cracked foundation,
but you'd be building castles on the sand
It's very natural for me to dwell on the past, especially my own past. From this standpoint, I look back and I think of how great things were, how natural i was, how easy i made people laugh and smile etc etc. But now, i'm not sure how true it is, but it definitely feels a lot harder.. I wonder why, and also try to "be" something I was in the past. Praise God for this though, that verse is pointing out that I'm trying to rebuild an old sand castle.. putting my value and self-worth in something that shifts so easily. I really do want to find myself in God's loving embrace, and I guess to be defined by God's strong arms around me, and not by my old sand castles.
Thanks Mayen =]. Thanks for letting us know how you're doing! Definitely will be praying for you.
Don't worry about your grammar, Mayen! We know you are more than how well you express yourself in words.
eek! there's a GREEN bug in my room! sorry...anyways..
I think we're on the same page here. Recently, I joined the school play, and I learned that there were actually people who drink and smoke! I realized just how secluded I was. At first, I felt kind of dirty, to be associated with these people, but now that I think about it, I realize how arrogant I am. First of all, I'm just as needy of God's cleansing as they are, and second of all, just who do I think am I to judge them?
Joining the school play has exposed me to a completely new culture of people. These people on some level realize they are doing something wrong, and on some level, feel ashamed. I talked with one of my castmates, he revealed to me that he was doing some things he's ashamed of. He said he wanted to change. I don't know just how badly he wanted to, because I felt it wasn't genuine. And I thought, what would he be feeling to make him pretend to repent? I think, not my presence, but God's presence, ashamed him. He knew I was Christian and he probably thought I looked down on him. Oh but, if only he knew, I feel just as ashamed as he is. God is so holy, and I'm so sinful. What right do I have to come before God? And, I know, I know the answer. Jesus' sacrifice made it okay for me to accept God's love. But, here comes the cliche-y part: my mind knows, but my heart has not quite grasped this concept yet. And being unable to understand makes me feel very separated from God. The worst part is, I haven't quite grasped this concept yet, but, I'm so fake, I pretend that I understand it completely, when I haven't and perhaps may never until I reach heaven. How disgusting! I give others advice I myself can't even take. But, I feel like I'm supposed to have figured all these kinks out already. And not havign figured them out frustrates me. Argh!
Hehe, I think, Mayen, we're on the same boat, the boat of hypocrisy. I'll definitely definitely pray you. You'll be in my prayers, yes you'll be in my prayers...from this day on now and forever more! ;)(Tarzan)
P.S. I miss you! >.<
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