"forgiven" - Sanctus Real

I honestly can't study right now, so I am going to share this awesome song with you guys :) Well, the real reason why i can't study is because I am really angry and frustrated right now!! It was not really an argument, but I was talking to someone and *sigh* it's a long story, but right now i just feel a little bit frustrated. At first it was towards the person, but now it's more towards me.

Anyways, today I was talking to a different friend and she asked me if i get into conflicts with people a lot of times. she asked because i was sharing with her about my conflict with this one person. i told her that i haven't really thought about it. i told her that i can't really compare, so i don't know if i do get into conflicts "a lot of time." maybe i said that to mask the real answer. today, i realize i actually complain and get frustrated very easily DD: it's definitely not easy for me to admit this to you guys that i get ticked off quite easily, but i am tired of masking my weaknesses...i hold on to too much pride and the weight is overbearing =/

i am so tired of pleasing the world! i don't want to keep all my struggles with sin inside because it definitely gets pretty exhausting! i am so self-conscious when it comes to my words and actions. i realize i said something that i probably shouldn't have said and i am just super annoyed at myself for saying it. i try to justify by saying that Jesus would have never say such a thing and that's why i shouldn't have said it. In the end, it's more about me worrying how it might give people a bad impression of me -_____________-! Then I look back at all my past social interactions with people and i get so angry because i compare myself to others and see that maybe i am not as for instance, "nice" as this one girl...and i get jealous =/

i want to be more understanding and forgiving than frustrating and angry. i would hear some of my friends who don't know God as much rant on about a person or situation. i am not saying anything bad about these friends >< i just realize how i am not that much different from them. in my mind, my immediate response would be that everyone is not perfect and that we shouldn't talk bad about them with that kind of attitude. i should really listen to my own advice or actually the Holy Spirit. i feel like i am the only one in this struggle. i know that i rant a lot, but i feel like others don't do it as much as i do. is it because they are holding it in? i wonder if it's better to hold it in or let it out? as ideal this would be, i know that i should try to understand and watch what i say if i do let it out...

the funny thing is that after i type this, i am not going to be angry or frustrated anymore. ahh! my mood changes too quickly...i am going to look back and see how i might be over thinking all of this!! *Sigh*

Anyways, I know that I need God's forgiveness. I've wronged people by not understanding imperfection. I am just as imperfect as everyone else! Christ is constantly making me a new person. I want to move on with my life and not hold on to the past! here are some of my favorite lines from the song:

"And in this life, I know what I've been
but here in Your arms, I know what I am"

"When I don't measure up too much in this life
O I am treasure in the arms of Chirst"

I am tired of the burden. I definitely don't measure up and I don't want to. God is telling me that I don't need to. I feel better now haha xDD thanks for reading my long rant!

side note: i apologize for all the times i rant/complain. i appreciate all the times some of you guys would try to calm me down. i am sorry that you had to deal with such a troubling girl =/