Heaven is hurr NOW

blah, i've been meaning to post this for weeks! maybe even months! one day i was just taking the bus from or to work, i forget but i had this idea stuck in my head very much!
people joke all the time about not being scared to die, cause they'll just say quicker to go to heaven, or even may enjoy the idea of dying and going to Heaven right away. you know, at least i'll be in heaven. better than Earth right? ehh, it depends...
Jesus says the same thing three times in the book of
Matthew 3:2 , 4:17 , 10:7
"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."
i think it might have been this passage that i was thinking about...
man this is what i get for not posting this earlier....lose my train of thoughts, well anyways, there is some passage in the bible where Jesus tells us that the kingdom of HEAVEN is here. it's all around you. it's whereever you place Jesus as your KING. so if you go to the bathroom, and acknowledge that in this place, Jesus is still Lord, that's Jesus kindgom right there. that's heaven right there. why are people saying they don't mind dying young or even just joking about it while not knowing that the kingdom of heaven is already here.
yeah this isn't all my thoughts, but i just don't have time to gather my thoughts. i really need to take the be still and know i am God verse to heart. anyways i don't know any song that relates to my heaven thing and all i could think of was this one.

gr...couldnt post the html thingy cause the authors disabled it but here is the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADZdDWfNzlw

Ocean Floor

"Ocean Floor" ~Audio Adrenaline

so today, neilson and i went for a walk to that "Sutro-" place. it was rEALLY nice. we saw lots of green and lots of blue. it was actually quite amazing to me how everything looked so much greener and bluer today. not exactly sure what it was. anyways...

one of the most aweing thing of that walk was looking out at the huge ocean. it was so vast. my head had to make almost a 135-degree turn to see the extent of the horizon (horizontally :D). (<-- dunno if that made sense..basically imagine looking out at the ocean and turning your head almost a 135-degress and seeing nothing but the blue ocean reaching outward farther than you can see... tHAT's the kind of vastness we were witnessing.) this song popped into my head. probably because it's associated with that giant body of water. that giant body of water though is a very awesome image of what God does to our sins.

"they're all behind you, they'll never find you, they're on the ocean floor..."
"your sins are forgotten, they're on the bottom of the ocean floor"
"your sins are erased, and they are no more..they're out on the ocean floor"
"they're wiped away by a mighty mighty wave, A MIGHTY MIGHTY WAVE!!"

all those things that we feel stick to us and weigh us down beyond anything and everything..God comPLETELY wipes them away! its so amazing. God allows us to have nothing hold us back-- even what we could never touch: our past, present, and future. imagine you, standing and completely weighed down by everything that you hate. from behind you though, a tsunami-wave that's come specifically to take away all of that.. ahh its really cool.

neilson (right next to me): it's interesting. what went through my head was the extent to how deep the ocean actually is. there are parts of the ocean that are so deep that even light cannot penetrate it. that's REALLY deep.

anyways, hope ya'll can praise God somehow with this song. vivian, can you please make a post replying to this song, cuz i know you really like this song and i'd really like to hear what you have to say :]. yeah. kay, see ya'll!

Make It Happen

"Make It Happen" - by Mariah Carey

I should be sleeping right now--I am SO TIRED. But I want to share a song. I apologize for writing something this late; it's not going to be too organized. Who cares?

I am a very big fan of Mariah Carey's music; I especially like her gospel-tinged songs such as this one. It's great seeing someone who is as powerful as Carey is in the music industry singing for the Lord.

Initially, I was going to share this song simply because I liked the feel of this song. Upon further inspection, however, I could see the depths to which this song reaches. I don't know about your prayer life with God, but I can honestly say that mine was very shaky initially. The thought of prayer actually seemed very foolish to me. Growing up watching all these people at church doing the routine bowing of their heads, the clasping of their hands, and of course the falling to their knees made me want to roll my eyes. I saw prayer as a petty attempt to give hope to a hopeless cause. Rather than speaking to God, I saw prayer as a psychological means of attempting to organize and make sense of the many things that go on in one's life by speaking to oneself (or an imaginary being). Obviously, I didn't have much-- or any-- faith in the power of prayer.

Even when I became a Christian, I was still pretty cynical about prayer. It wasn't until the end of my sophomore year or so that I recognized the incredible power of prayer. At that time, my mother came down with a life-threatening ailment: Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. It is a very rare disease that proves fatal to many inflicted with the disease. I was scared. All hope seemed to be lost for my mom: she had just come out of unsuccessful ocular surgery only to be stricken with a fatal disease. It was time to attempt to give hope to a hopeless cause; it was time to pray. As cynical as I was, I prayed daily, even asking the fellowship to join me in prayer. And right before my eyes, I see my mother quickly recovering from such a predicament; I could barely believe it. All I know is that God was at work, and I am forever grateful.

Accordingly, my take on prayer has grown to be much more positive since then. As foolish or stupid as it may seem at times-- like the song says-- "He can make it happen." I especially like the point in the song when Carey belts out:

"I once was lost, but now I'm found
I got my feet on solid ground
Thank you, Lord!
If you believe within your soul
Just hold on tight and don't let go
You can make it happen!"

Don't ever let go of your faith. There is truly SO MUCH power in prayer. For those of you in the high school fellowship, I encourage you to try Mark's "centering prayer" exercise, and really experience God that way. I guarantee that it will be very fulfilling.

"And if you get down on your knees at night
And pray to the Lord
He's gonna make it happen
Make it happen."

"the motions" by matthew west

hmm.....we were listening to this song during our worship training lessons and some of guys may have heard this song before. Well, this song really touched me and it made so much thoughts run through my mind. When i tried to explain what the song means to me, it came out all mumbo jumbo. I guess for me I need to learn how to produce my speech more effectively by channeling my thoughts in a more mannered way. It actually takes me a while to have a clear idea of what my mind is thinking. I think it is because i look at my thoughts in so many different angles and it sometimes causes contradiction and confusion.

Anyways, I will again attempt to analyze this song. For some reason, this song said something different to me than to the other people. I can see what they are talking about when they said that this song is about not going through our temporary highs or lows or whatever, but like being fully committed and not mediocre? For me it was something different. Whenever I felt depressed or very down, the thought of me being the only real thing in this world appears. It is like I would look around and see all the "happy people." I know it was my mind playing with me because in reality there is no such thing as someone constantly being happy. I think the reason I saw people happy was because I wasn't happy. It was more centered on me like the whole "woe is me" kind of thing. I felt like the "happy people" were all an illusion. It was like how can they all be so "okay"? Why am I the only one so down? Why are these things happening in my life? It seems like it is not happening to them, why? They must not be real......because it does not seem like they are feeling anything but that one emotion. umm ahh I can't explain this. You know how when people hide their sorrows and look cheerful all the time, they look kind of fake no offense. Like the happiness is all surface stuff, there is no depth or inner things going on.....? ok well i tried to explain......but anyways that was how i felt before. I got really angry at myself whenever i thought about this. It is because I know that others feel this same kind of down that i feel, some even feel worse. It was more of like I didn't want to believe that people could relate. I guess it was an act of want....... Wanting pity. I don't know anymore......but looking at the video, there was one scene of an African child ^. I can't imagine what he is going through. I always wondered what his lifestyle was like. Knowing that he may not have parents, may have a disease, may be starving everyday, struggling with a war in his country and being forcefully drafted into it or farming in the hot sun for cocoa beans to make the American chocolate we eat here. Well....there is a lot more. I don't know if that is what he is going through, but I wonder if it is close to what i have typed. I feel so selfish knowing that I think only about myself and letting myself feel those thoughts........

umm well i guess it shows how consumed i get into my emotions. It has led me to think selfishly. In a way I guess feeling down is not such a bad thing. At least it gives me the quality of feeling empathetic towards people. It shows how much I need God. It also shows that I am alive. That I am feeling things that are real to me; I have come to that kind of conclusion because of my relationship with God. All those thoughts and feelings that I have felt before was before I started coming to church. By having God working inside of me and listening to like Mark and the other adults, I realize that tangent things are not real. Although you can touch it, see it , smell it, or even taste it, it is all surface. The surface does not always last. It is all about the prize inside the box. I can't see emotions. I can see emotions being expressed, but I can't literally see emotions itself. It shows that emotions are real and that they are blessings from God. They help us grow and experience so much more in life. I will feel down, but from now on I won't let myself think that others can't relate. "I don't want to go through the motions." I won't let my emotions control me anymore and living my life doing/thinking what it wants. I won't move according to my emotions anymore. well i will at least try XP

"I don't care if I break at least I am feeling something.""Cause just okay is not enough.""Help me fight through the nothingness of this life." "I don't want to go through one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me."" take me all the way." yeah....those are some of the lyrics. I really like the part "take me all they way." To me, i think of it as God carrying me through the experience all the way and not having pit stops. Like don't make me experience it only half way but fully. Let me think about this and reflect upon it through this long process. Help me through the obstacles of this race and come at the finish line victoriously. Be by my side always.

Yeah.....not sure if this is less confusing than what I tried to say during class. Hopefully you guys understand XD If not, it is okay. I will work on it. Well, i will try =P

You are not alone

"Alone" ~Sanctus Real

at first, i was going to post this song just because it was a fun/nice song :]. but then I took a second (then third) look (then fourth) at (then fifth) the lyrics, and i was like, "haha, i shoulda done this a wHILE ago.." and this song is such a distraction from my calculus homework right now, but i wanna post before i forget my thought process xD

on one level, this was my petty attempt to make your heart feel better. not only does the music support the fun emotions, but the lyrics say it too! sometimes when i'm down, i think of this song and for some strange reason i somehow feel lighter... you can make your own observations about that.

on the next, i was thinking about how God does this for us. i am continually amazed by God's everlasting promise that He will never leave us alone. just to reach US, He fought the biggest tide humanity has ever faced..just to be together with us. and when i feel alone, completely alone where i'm just so broken about myself, i listen to this song...am reminded about the tide He fought... and it makes my heart feel better. =]

on yet another level, i think about our fellowship/church/family. wow, God had put us all together, and this is like my song to you, telling you how much i really love you guys. and i have to say sorry and confess to some of you, that in my weakness i have not fought the tides hard enough...i've let the tides overtake me. but thank God, we still have breath, so as long as we do, i wanna cherish everything we're doing together! i say this: i would fight the tide to be with you, God's gift in my life. so when you feel alone...listen to this song...let make your heart feel better

"rainy mondays feel like fridays
when You're/you're smiling at me,
i can feel the.....space....
between us
c
...o
.......l
..........l
............a
..............Philipians 1:3-6, "i thank God every time i remember you. in all my prayers for all of you , I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Jesus Christ"
...................s
.....................i
......................n
........................g
our love is everlasting"

Master of Puppets

"Master of Puppets" - by Metallica

Yes, this song is over eight minutes long. And yes, this is yet another song that I am sharing that deals with drug addiction (the first being "Black Balloon," and the second being "Running to Stand Still"). While I am not a drug addict, the concept of addiction-- addiction to sin, in particular-- continues to haunt me.

I have a very hard time with one particular sin. As depressing or morbid as these lyrics may be, I think that this song does the best job in depicting how this sin is tearing me apart. The chorus and the lyrics leading up to the chorus are especially...sdlkfj

Taste me and you will see
More is all you need
Dedicated to how I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master, master

Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me you can't see a thing
Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream
"Master, Master!"

I have let this thing become my master. I have succumbed many times, despite my own will to withstand all temptations. But that's just the thing--I have been relying on my own strength to overcome this thing. But what is my strength? My strength is nothing by itself. With God, however, I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. God, I pray that You'll stand by me and give me Your strength that can beat down anything that Satan tries to throw my way. Help me to rely on You, always.

Gosh, as I'm typing this now, I have come to realize more just how great our God really is. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I--heck, everyone--am not worthy of this life I'm given, this air I'm breathing. But the fact that we're living now, that we're breathing, is all because of the gift of grace, i.e. Jesus Christ. I was reading Galatians the other day, where Paul writes: "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us." The latter part of the verse really gets me every time I read or think about it. Much can be extracted from this, but I will just simply say that his grace is amazing. I don't want to continue living like this; I don't want to go on living with every breath I take tainted with sin. I want to breathe worship unto You, as You have breathed life and love unto me. I love You, Lord.

Please pray for me.

We Are Broken

Hehe, sorry guys... As you well know... i really like paramore... so... here's another one =P

This song, "We Are Broken" by Paramore, stood out to me when i first heard it. I didnt really know the whole meaning behind it the first time, but it made me realize how much we need God in our lives. We ourselves are broken, and we make so many mistakes in our lives. The pre-chorus demonstrates the strength and power of God. "Keep me safe inside / Your arms like towers / Tower over me." He's always there to protect us.

"Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole"

God is the only one with the power to give us new life. As humans, we are always searching for purpose, for meaning, for a reason to live. "We just wanna be whole."

As I researched further into this song (because i like doing that...hehe), i found out that during their Final Riot! concert, they dedicated this song to the children who are involved in sex trafficking. As i went through the song again, the meaning hit me harder than before. These children often dont have a choice, and they've gone through so much. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have to live like they do. For most of them, and for some of us, the only comfort available is the promise that the Lord has given us, that he can give us this new life, a life of abundance... a life with Him.

Although this song is pretty sad, it is a reality check. At the same time, it is hopeful. It shows us that we need to just get down on our hands and knees to praise God. He has given us so much. We need to just admit our short-comings, our failures, and our mistakes. He has this place in store for us, and all we need to do is accept him... His promise is still there for us. "We just wanna be whole,"... All we need is God.