Can I lie here?

"Can I Lie Here" ~David Crowder

I've been thinking lately, that for myself, I usually choose the complicated/deep song over the simple song.. but I'm finding that simple songs like this one are sometimes the ones that I find myself singing out to God when I'm alone. I shared this song with Mayen and Michelle yesterday :], and shared with them same things:

You know when you feel like trash, when mentally, spiritually, physically, and (especially) emotionally, you feel like a heap of miserable? It's those points when you feel like everything else can collapse around for all you care, and you yourself can go die in your sleep because you just want to stop feeling that way. ...and it's at those moments where you just plead to God, "I don't care about anything else right now.. can I just lie here in Your arms?" To lie in God's strong arms and have Him hold us tight.. this song kind of takes me to a place where I can sense His presence rushing around me, holding me, telling me that things will be okay. Kind of like how a child will crawl into the Father's lap, though the situation is the same, just to be held by your Dad is enough sometimes.

I don't think we're supposed to run to these moments so we can run to God, but we should know that God will our happiness is in being with Him; in death, AND in life =].

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My only calm is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My only thought is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My happiness is You

Oh how lovely this place
to be with You
to be with You
Oh the brightness of Your face
here with You
here with You

here i am

To be honest, I haven't been spending a good amount of time listening to music, so that's why I haven't been able to post a new song. I actually wrote this on 12/24/09...a long time ago. I wanted to go back to an old draft that I started, but never really got to finish. I really do like this song and as I listen to it now, I realize how it also relates to what I am currently going through. I find it funny how I can use this one song and relate it to two different events in my life.

Right now, I feel pretty empty. Life is good...i have everything i could possibly need or maybe even want, but I want more. I wish that I was more productive. Rather than hanging out with friends, i want to volunteer, have a job, or maybe even evangelize (like the theme from retreat =P). It's kind of a long story, but it's gone to the point where I feel like I wouldn't want the typical American lifestyle (family, suburbia, job)...although there's nothing wrong with it. It is really a long story and if you really want to know, just ask me! But yeah....somehow God placed the word, "missionary", into my head. Okay, I don't know where I am going with this. Anyways, I hope that you can see how all of this connects to the song. The last three paragraphs were written a long time ago...I am leaving it as it is, so that means I did not edit it! Sorry for the long and messy post...I am tired now. Thanks for reading! =]



It amazes me to know that God crafts my life in a way that is different from everyone else's. Through all the struggles, low and high moments of my life, God was always there whether or not I acknowledged His existence. This song relates to certain events that I went through lately. For example, the lines: "Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness. And the fear that I'll fail You in the end. In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can," relates to my grandpa's situation. The words fit into this struggle perfectly. I was weak and afraid of failure and disappointing others, but God got me through. What I went through serves a piece of my relationship with God. I know that




This song reflects a lot of what I've been going through lately. With my grandpa and other similar situations, I was succumbed into this fear of failing what I was called to do. I do notice that I am the type of person that likes to "go with the flow." There's a part of me that relied a lot on God to carry out His plan without my help. This is the reason why I sometimes lack the motivation to for example plan for certain events . Failure or success, God knew what was going to happen before I even started planning. In many ways, if my grandpa did not receive Christ in his life, then I knew that I couldn't change what God has planned. With this thinking, I let life take its course. Despite all that, time killed me. Waiting for death is no fun at all. Although I knew that there was a possibility that my grandpa could have received Christ without my help, I also knew that I was letting others do that instead of me. My excuses were that I was not ready or I was too weak or I just didn't know what to do. I soon got angry with my idleness because at the same time, I acknowledged the fact that God moves through people. I used God's sovereignty over everything as an excuse to do nothing. It's the same way I rely on others to make things better for me.

I really want this one particular friend to receive Christ. In a way, I relate to her a lot. She questions me a lot about Christianity. The line: "somehow my story is part of Your plan," really hits me. I've gone through a lot and it is thanks to this reminder that God uses my life to somehow fit into where His plan is going. I think my friend can relate a lot to my testimony. I think she believes that I can never understand what she goes through sometimes. With my testimony, she can see that I do understand and I now know what to do about it.

Faith in God that I am a Change in the Making

So, Michelle, Mayen and Neilson has finally left my house! Took forever! :P I don't know how to do this really, if I do anything wrong, say anything wrong; if I have a misconception about anything, TELL ME!! Please! Do!

Anyways, lately, I have been really frustrated with myself. I keep asking: why can't I be a better person? Why can't I be humbler, more patient, more GENUINE, less hypocritical, less selfish, less lazy, less cynical? I keep finding faults in myself, and if I'm not finding faults in myself, I'm setting expectations that require a long period of time to reach. And, I know what things to say to myself to comfort me, rather, I know what things OTHER people would say to comfort me. Yet, somehow, although my brain can take my advice in, my heart, my soul can't. It's frustrating!
To make matters worse, I have this really, really, really bad habit of always being unsatisfied. When I reach an expectation, I make an even higher expectation to reach. So, that kind of adds to the frustration level.

I really like this song because, first of all, hehe, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in these frustrations. I know, I know so self-conceited and spoiled to realize that there are not only other people who share my upsets, but a God, Jesus, :D.

But this song also calls me to have more faith in God, in his GREAT power. I've been so caught up with me, trying so hard to better myself, that I've forgotten how great our God is. "From the dawn of history/you made new and you redeem/from a broken world to a broken heart/you finish what you start in everything" Our God can do ANYTHING, and everything he does is perfect; from the beginning to the end of every work he takes on, he's there; what can he not do?

WHY SHOULD I DOUBT THAT I WON'T BE A FAILURE?

I need to listen to Him, have faith in what He tells me to do, what He is capable of. I need to have faith that I am a "change in the making"; "I'm not who I'm gonna be", but who he wants me to be, which is the perfect way for me to be. I need to have faith that with "every step that I'm taking," he's "chipping away what I don't need." For, "this is me under construction...my pride being broken," and with "everyday, I'm closer to who I'm meant to be" because "I'm a change in the making.

Also, please ignore the second time the song is posted. I don't know how to delete it! ....

Somehow we're heard...

"When Our Hearts Sing" ~Rush of Fools

Ta-da, here's another old song that I heard a long time ago! I never knew the lyrics to this song, but I was still captured by what few words I could catch: You are infinite worth...we are, here on the earth, and somehow we're heard, when our hearts sing to You! And now, looking at the verses, this song just reinforces itself in its message, of how TINY we are in comparison to our AMAZING God, and yet He still hears our praises!

I have a feeling most of us have at one point or another felt that the songs that we sing, whatever we bring to such a God, is not enough to capture how deeply we love Him, and how much we want to praise Him. Our songs don't feel enough sometimes, and even the tiny acts of service for Him don't seem adequate. Such a King of infinite worth deserves SO much more than we can give.. but, and just another reason to praise Him, He hears our weak hearts and loves our praises. *sighs*. Thank God. =].