here i am

To be honest, I haven't been spending a good amount of time listening to music, so that's why I haven't been able to post a new song. I actually wrote this on 12/24/09...a long time ago. I wanted to go back to an old draft that I started, but never really got to finish. I really do like this song and as I listen to it now, I realize how it also relates to what I am currently going through. I find it funny how I can use this one song and relate it to two different events in my life.

Right now, I feel pretty empty. Life is good...i have everything i could possibly need or maybe even want, but I want more. I wish that I was more productive. Rather than hanging out with friends, i want to volunteer, have a job, or maybe even evangelize (like the theme from retreat =P). It's kind of a long story, but it's gone to the point where I feel like I wouldn't want the typical American lifestyle (family, suburbia, job)...although there's nothing wrong with it. It is really a long story and if you really want to know, just ask me! But yeah....somehow God placed the word, "missionary", into my head. Okay, I don't know where I am going with this. Anyways, I hope that you can see how all of this connects to the song. The last three paragraphs were written a long time ago...I am leaving it as it is, so that means I did not edit it! Sorry for the long and messy post...I am tired now. Thanks for reading! =]



It amazes me to know that God crafts my life in a way that is different from everyone else's. Through all the struggles, low and high moments of my life, God was always there whether or not I acknowledged His existence. This song relates to certain events that I went through lately. For example, the lines: "Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness. And the fear that I'll fail You in the end. In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can," relates to my grandpa's situation. The words fit into this struggle perfectly. I was weak and afraid of failure and disappointing others, but God got me through. What I went through serves a piece of my relationship with God. I know that




This song reflects a lot of what I've been going through lately. With my grandpa and other similar situations, I was succumbed into this fear of failing what I was called to do. I do notice that I am the type of person that likes to "go with the flow." There's a part of me that relied a lot on God to carry out His plan without my help. This is the reason why I sometimes lack the motivation to for example plan for certain events . Failure or success, God knew what was going to happen before I even started planning. In many ways, if my grandpa did not receive Christ in his life, then I knew that I couldn't change what God has planned. With this thinking, I let life take its course. Despite all that, time killed me. Waiting for death is no fun at all. Although I knew that there was a possibility that my grandpa could have received Christ without my help, I also knew that I was letting others do that instead of me. My excuses were that I was not ready or I was too weak or I just didn't know what to do. I soon got angry with my idleness because at the same time, I acknowledged the fact that God moves through people. I used God's sovereignty over everything as an excuse to do nothing. It's the same way I rely on others to make things better for me.

I really want this one particular friend to receive Christ. In a way, I relate to her a lot. She questions me a lot about Christianity. The line: "somehow my story is part of Your plan," really hits me. I've gone through a lot and it is thanks to this reminder that God uses my life to somehow fit into where His plan is going. I think my friend can relate a lot to my testimony. I think she believes that I can never understand what she goes through sometimes. With my testimony, she can see that I do understand and I now know what to do about it.

How Many Kings

I know I've shared this song for most of you who still read this blog, but I thought that I might as well put it on the blog itself. PLus the band is really cool, with one guy singing crazy high and the other singing really low.. *thumbs up*.



A little while ago, I became very compelled by the stories of the astronomers from Persia. These people, after studying for years and years the constellations of stars and such, have finally discovered where the Messiah from the Scriptures would appear. Furthermore, it would happen within their lifetime! So leaving their own home, they take this long journey to seek out the Messiah they've been waiting for for so long... to find that the way God would present the Savior is in the weakest form, a baby. But despite the irrationale that this humble baby would be the one to save Israel (and in fact the entire world), they present their gifts to this presentation of God's love.

This travel that the astronomer's take come from a deep conviction to see their Savior! Imagine: the Messiah! The One that all the prophets said would free Israel would be showing up soon! What elation, what enormous emotion must be running through these men's veins! So they leave behind their homes, their families, their comfort, to travel a huge distance (without a car!) to find this Savior. If we heard that Jesus was showing up, say in Minnesota, would we want to go see Him? hehs, okay, hard to imagine..but to what distance would we travel to see where God is showing up? It would be great, if we could go whatever distance to see God showing up! to have that kind of excitement and "wow!"ness.

So say we did travel that distance..read that book, speak to that person, take that stand, basically take that extra mile...after we do that, we should be giving all our praise to this God who can do all things. yay.

And speaking of the chorus.. why should the KING of kings, the LORD of lords, the CREATOR of all creation step down in such a dramatic way, manifesting Himself in the weakest and most vulnerable form? His love is something I will never understand...to send His son to save us through His son's death. (wow.) He really does deserve everything. What an awesome God we have.