I have been distracted from God for a while. I blame colleges and school work. I was so caught up in succeeding every thing I did, I forgot about why I was doing those things. And eventually, the work took away my need for Jesus because I was succeeding. And for a moment, I arrogantly thought I was capable of doing things on my own. Then, things starting going wrong. I was extremely stressed out! And I thought that since I was capable of making my own success, I should be able to get out of my mess and stress (unintentional rhyme) on my own. It's not easy to admit, but I was struggling with my faith. I couldn't sense God's presence.
Then I realize how superficial my faith in God was. I felt God's love only conditionally. I realized that it took effort on my part to have a relationship with God. But I didn't realize just how much effort took when things were really getting rough. And when I kept making an effort and not seeing immediate results, I started giving up. I think I see why: 1) I was putting effort into the external aspects of a relationship with God, substituting spirituality with singspiration or service, and 2) I kept thinking that I had to be the one to mend the relationship, like it was MY relationship and not God's too, and like I was one who could fix the relationship. So, though I kept making an effort, I kept failing. And I lost hope that I could have a relationship as intimate as before with God again.
But my hope is renewed, because I'm going to fight for my relationship with God regardless of the struggle. And this time, I'm saying it with a better understanding of what struggle exactly means. hehe, and the relationship is, well, Worth It.
Love’s not a feeling
Love’s not convenient
But I know love will change your life
Love takes sacrifice
Love cuts like a knife
Sometimes love will make you cry
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it
Love is a hunger
But love won’t leave you empty
See it’s the language of the heart
Love can steal your pride
But love won’t let you hide
It takes everything you’ve got
Love’s not easy
But it’s worth it
(Chorus)
What you gonna do when the bottom falls out
And you’re left with nothing but your fear and your doubt to hold to
Who will hold you?
Where you gonna run when it’s all on the line
And you’re looking for someone to save your life
To save your life
5 comments:
thank you Annie for, as always, your honesty and heart in your sharings =].
i think a lot of what you shared is very consistent what God's been showing to me. Lately, it dawned on me, too, that i didn't see God's love as conditional; i saw it as conditional. Just the thought of an unconditional kind of love feels so beyond me to comprehend..simply because i've treated it as cheap, as fleeting, as something that doesn't last. But praise Him, even when we don't feel it, it does last =]. I've been telling people, I feel like I'm standing on the edge of something HUGE--God's Love--but I can only barely scratch the surface of what it really means.
I'm really encouraged to hear that you're coming to a place of weakness before God; i think it's really where God takes us to remind us of how much we REALLY need Him, and how we can't live without Him.
I really like this song. It's a good reminder for me that Love isn't just "feel good;" it even hurts sometimes. It's humbling, it breaks you..but it's worth it. This song speaks a lot to what I've been going through lately. Thanks Annie =]
sorry, i just also want to encourage you, that while you continue to grow in your relationship with God, He has and always will be SO love with you, even if you feel like you're not with Him. You don't have to try to make God "feel" close to you; He's already there =].
I've been so numb that I became so complacent. I got too comfortable. I am just so sick and tired of my own emotions. Sometimes I believe that it's not worth it because I just don't want to be so caught up in the mess of it all. I don't want the hurt anymore. I do want something convenient, but again is that something i need? what i need is love. This song made me realize that love is worth it. It gives me hope. I need the passion again. Even though it may hurt, Love gives me passion for God. Thanks Annie for this song =]
Aghhh! Being Christian is so HARD! But, PRAISE God, cause He's got something magnificent planned, eh?
amen sister! :)
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