The three wise men

this is not a song, but i found this to be pretty interesting =] This video is pretty long...like 9 minutes haha...you don't have to watch the whole thing unless you want to =DDD

http://news.yahoo.com/video/world-15749633/mystery-of-the-magi-23613928

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday Jesus =]]

Child of God

My mom and I were arguing. It started out with me, asking her, if she could stop comparing me to others. Then somewhere along the way, there was dripping snot...and a 4 inch thick pile of wet tissues...haha. I guess--I can't believe it, because I feel like I've been through this issue already--anyways, I guess it was because I felt insufficiently loved. I was frustrated with my family and felt angry, haha, I get angry so easily. I told her that I didn't feel loved in the family, which was a generalization and essentially a lie, because I know she loves me. As I was saying, I didn't feel loved in the family because my grandpa kept complaining about returning to China where he didn't have to do chores and where everyone respected him, my dad kept telling me that my crying was bothering the neighbors, I was told by another member of the family that they didn't like me because I was getting baptized and that I was the source of the arguing in the family. I felt discouraged and eventually that discouragement turned into anger. I was angry at them for not making me feel like I was a valuable member of the family, for making me feel that if I were gone, they'd be happier. And to play devil's advocate, I said I realized that they maybe they DO love me. But that I didn't feel they did because the way they were doing it was too subtle, and since they don't explicitly say they love me, I infer they do, and because it's an inference, it's uncertain, which becomes a doubt of their love. After some thinking, I felt terrible! Because I realized how spoiled I was being, how unappreciative, how entitled I was feeling. I was disgusted with myself. I was disappointed with myself for being so spoiled. I was being stubborn, refusing to accept my family's hints of love as evidences of love. And that's when said to myself, Annie, you're being absolutely self-centered and conceited. Why is God's love not enough for you? And I found this song, which has become my prayer

With every breath, with every thought/I pray, father
From what is seen to the deepest part/ Earnestly,
I offer all that I've come to be/ to stop being so stubborn and surrender the belief that I am not loved

To know your love fathering me/ So that I will no longer blind myself to the truth of how much I am loved, ultimately, by YOU

Father, You're all I need/ Father, be all that I need
My soul's sufficiency/ Satiate my greedy and hungry soul
My strength when I am weak/ Be my strength
That love that carries me/ I know you love me because of what you did on the cross and it's lifting my spirits up
Your arms enfold me, till I am only/ Hold me God
A child of God/ Because then, I know I'm so dear to you

"if I were God..."

Money and Power: Oscar Muriu from Urbana 09 on Vimeo.

Hey guys :]. this is a video of a message from that I think gives a very powerful perspective of the birth of Christ, and the specific ways God humbled himself by His becoming a baby and a human.

The speaker, Oscar Muriu, talks about the incredible measures God voluntarily takes to humble himself to save us. It's kind of crazy actually, when I think about it...why would God choose this way to save us?? Still trying to wrap my head around it..

Anyways, take a look to at least the first 4 1/2 minutes, because that itself gives an interesting perspective on how God intentionally chose to come in such a vulnerable way. (I have a feeling though, if you listen to it that far, you might not stop 'til the entire way through x]) The entire video is relateable to how we view Jesus's birth, so yeahs. Hope you're blessed by it :]

how many kings - downhere

To continue this Christmas songs sharing...I'll use this song =] Have you ever listened to a song without fully paying attention to the lyrics? Well, I don't know about you guys, but I am guilty of doing just that with this song. I stumbled upon this song a couple of years ago and at the time I didn't really fully take into account the message of this song. A couple of days ago, I was just searching through some music and I found this song. I don't think it was a mere coincidence that I found this song. It was finals week and I admit that my mind was more focused on my finals than Christmas. Christmas comes only once a year and I'm wondering if I am going to let it slip by me once again? I believe God is calling me to do reflect and adore this moment in history that not only changed my life, but others as well...=]

There's so much I want to say about why I love this song. First off, I love how they captured how innocent and fragile Christ was when He first entered this world. "Is this who we've waited for?" We all know that Christ is God, but we also know that He was also once human. It's that "human" part that sometimes gets me. This child is going to be our king? It's hard to imagine Christ as a child. Also, I could repeat the chorus over and over again because Christ is no ordinary king of kings or lord of lords. He humbled Himself for me and you.

Before I became a Christian, Christmas was all about the Santa clauses, reindeer, and presents. I remember how hyped up Christmas was when I was a child. Even when I became a Christian, I still had a hard time celebrating Christmas because I was still trying to grasp the true meaning of Christmas. Because in order to celebrate something, I felt like there has to be certain activities you need to be part of or there's some kind of food you need to eat in order to be in the holiday mood. I am still trying to think of tangent things I can do for this holiday season...

but yeah...hope you guys enjoy this song =D thanks for reading this far!

The Night Before Christmas

"The Night Before Christmas"
~ Brandon Heath

hahaha, for those of you who were thinking about Jack Skelington, sorry, not that Night(mare) before Christmas xD

I just wanted to share this song, as that time of year is coming up again when God's people celebrate radical coming to Earth :]. There are SO many reasons why Christmas is more than just a time to be happy and a time to celebrate a birthday. Sometimes I do wonder, why do we care to celebrate Jesus's birth, when the most of what we focus on in church is His ministry in his 30's, his death and resurrection? I think it's really easy to overlook the amazingness of Jesus's coming, and this song reminds me so much of the greatness of "The Word becoming flesh."

Isn't Jesus's birth so much like how He enters us? In our world of wretchedness, meaningless, and chaos, God steps into OUR context with the plan to show us love and save us from ourselves. And like, DUDE, there's SO much more to Christmas that God wove together so amazingly (like the star! anybody else notice the connection between the star (the brightest in the dark night sky) and Jesus? :]). sigh. so cool xD

Yeah...I'm really hoping that this Christmas, I won't just let it slip by again without recognizing Him through it all :]. Anyways, looking forward to celebrating our Savior's coming with ya'll :D! Praise God!

Not Good Enough

~Tim Be Told, "Not Good Enough"

I stumbled upon this song a little while ago, and I wanted to share it ever since I heard it =].

As I'm sure all of you know about me, I'm a person who thinks a lot x]. For the past few weeks, what's been eating at my head was: what can I do to make God happy? Going through the Old Testament for my devos, I was amazed and fascinated by the laws God gave the Israelites and the very practical reasons why He commanded them. So, I felt motivated to try my best to honor God through obedience of His commandments. While I was trying to do this though, I got tripped up; I started criticizing and scrutinizing every detail of my day, wondering if any of it made God happy. While focusing on this, I lost sight of God's love for me and became concerned with whether I was good enough for God.

God sent me two things in this time that I really needed. One was talking with one of the upperclassmen in my fellowship, who challenged me to ask myself: "Am I trying to earn God's favor?" Before that, I don't think I realized that my accumulation of my actions was my attempt to try to earn God's favor for me. I knew the 'right answer,' which is that there's nothing I can do to make God love me more, and there's nothing I can do (or not do) that would make Him love me less. But somehow I had completely lost the beauty of this statement; that undeserved grace ultimately frees me from the weight of the law, because of Christ's finished work on the cross.

The other was my fellowship's at-church-retreat, the theme for which was "The Furious Love of God." The speaker opened up his message series with this question: "What do you think God thinks of you right now?" The speaker said that the most common response to this question is: "disappointed." the next was "angry," and the next "unconcerned." And I could definitely identify with feeling that God was perpetually disappointed in me, because I always fail to carry out what I want to do for Him. Throughout the rest of the retreat, I learned about how God's first forethought for me is not judgment or disappointment, but love. I think the greatest application challenge from that entire retreat was to simply accept God's amazing love for me.

During this retreat, I was reminded of how prone I am to turn to "moralism," which is trying to save myself or make myself favorable through my own righteousness. Alongside that, I was also reminded of God's amazing, unconditional love for me. I remember one night, after worship had ended, I laid back in a pew by myself and just pondered on that beautiful truth: "God's love for me is CONSTANT and UNCHANGING."

This song from Tim Be Told lays out all the expectations placed on a boy to be a man. And when it all comes down to it, by those measures, he is and feels as if he is not a man. All the "I should be's" collide with the "I'm not's." All those expectations to hold it all together...and in the end, "it's your fault anyways." And after the speaker's gathered all that he's done, all his trophies and achievements into his arms, he shows his dad, and all his dad can say, "where is the rest of it, son?" ...isn't is great to know that even though our parents might treat us this way, or we might treat ourselves, our Father and Creator doesn't look at us like this. It's awesome that He would even understand the pain and pressures and hardships of being human. But still then, He doesn't even look at how much we accumulated.. All He does is smiles, holds us, and says: "you're good enough."

Hide

I think I'm really stressed out. And I'm really frustrated and full of jumbled emotions. I don't know what's causing them, probably college. And I don't want to trouble others either. I know they have their own problems too, and I don't want to trouble them. I feel as though I'm not going to others because I want to be the better person, and not appear to be like a selfish person. But I realize that sometimes, being selfish makes it okay for the other person to be selfish, lightening the burden for the other person. Anyways, I'm going to be selfish now...but it's ok. I want to be selfish around God. Because then, I would want and need his love more.

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

Chorus
You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long


And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him

Sticking With You

Dear God,

Lately I have been very overwhelmed by everything. I don't know how to manage the classes and I'm barely passing them. With college apps on top of that--I'm being crushed, well, I don't know if crushed is the right word, but, you speak the language of the heart, right? so, you know what I mean. I find myself by the end of the day, trying to avoid it all, giving excuses to not do them, to delay doing them. I wonder if I might have taken a bite too big for me to chew. I really want to give up, but the fact that I am still faced with these problems means you don't want me to. If I could just sleep it all away...

What do you intend for me to do? I'm so confused and lost. I'm in all directions. I'm so afraid that I am not following the path you want me to follow. What do you want with me? You still keep me here, fighting, and I'm fighting, but I don't know if I have much strength to. What have you planned for me? Ahh, that must be it, huh?

And this is the kind of God you are, huh? You don't give up on me, and you're so relentless! Don't you know what personal space is? Who asked you to come BARGING into my life? But I need you to barge into my life. Because from the looks of it, I obviously can't handle it on my own.

I hate that you're right and I'm wrong. I hate that everything you plan to happen ends up good but everything I plan ends up a mess, and I hate that you are always cleaning up the messes I make. And I hate that I'm having this stupid tantrum and acting like a child now.

God, promise to hold on to me and never let go.

Come Home - Luminate

I am wasting my time posting this, but oh wells. I really wanted to share this song with you all XD. Anyways I was listening to K-Love as I was finishing up my SECOND attempt for my math homework (that I failed twice T_T), and I was thinking "Yes, I do need to come home." I feel distant with God (and I am planning to be Baptized soon so I really want to have a closer relationship with Him before I do). I know He's here with me as I am typing this really late/early in the morning ><.

I really want to do a lot of things at Riverside, to show God's love to the people who are going to parties, drinking, and getting high, but I feel like I need to go back "home" in order to do so. Who wants to be a hypocrite for God? God is real to all of us, and we should be real to Him.

Please pray for me that my classes won't occupy me even more than it already is. I'm taking four and one of my classes have a lot of reading. So please pray that the reading won't consume me whole, and that I may keep up with it. Thank you XD

And I still remember what a friend said to me, "I can see you as a warrior." And I do want to be a warrior for God, to fight for His light to shine in the city of Riverside (I love their low sales taxes XD).

Sorry if it's confusing >< Still working on grammar and stuff =P

Until I See You Again

"Until I See You Again"
~Mark Schultz

(So, I attached two versions of this song. An upbeat version (the 1st one), and a ballad version (the 2nd). You can listen to each one depending on your mood :]. Only recently, the ballad is really speaking to me, but both are pretty cool.)

I've wanted to share this song for a pretty long whiles. Whenever I felt really down, this is the song that encouraged me to keep my eyes open for God's blessing in my life, and keep going.

Sometimes, when I'm in a dry season, and all I can think about is getting out, I feel like my cries are like the prechorus. How long, God? How long until I can find rest in Your arms? Maybe even just take me to be with You, because it'd be so much easier, and right now that's what I'd like.. sounds pretty drastic, yes, but I think most of us have been there before. And I love the response: Don't worry, my child; I know it feels long now.. I still promise to be with you through it all. But don't miss this life I've given you! Live with amazement like a child, talk to me unhindered, keep on loving.

Okay, Dad. I'll try. Thanks for Your love =]. Love You.

You say, "How long 'til I can
come home, 'til I can
rest in Your arms again?"
And I say, "Not long, but don't miss
this life, and I'll be
waiting 'til then!"

Live with the wonder of a child
Pray with your arms thrown open wide
Love with a love that has no end
until I see you again

Ain't I a woman?

This is not a song, but i think it's worth the sharing =]

I did a lot of research on Sojourner Truth (birth name:Isabella Baumfree) back in middle school and high school. While everyone chose Martin Luther King Jr., I chose her. I don't remember much about her biography, but I remember she did some amazing things for both women and blacks rights. In a way, she was someone I wanted to model after. In DOC (my writing class) a couple of days ago, my professor showed this video. I got really excited and it woke me up from my half-sleep (yes, sadly I sleep in class D:). It was the first time I heard this speech and I was really really happy that I got to read it last week. You can see a lot of her personality in this piece of writing. I can see that she was a funny, smart, strong, confident, and independent Christian. I think she was really clever with this speech. Alice Walker, the person reading the speech, is the author of the book, The Color Purple (i don't know how to underline this book title). I never read it, but I did see some parts of the film. Whoopi Goldberg acted well in this film. I think it is about how black women were abused in the past (*shrugs*). Enjoy!

"Well, children, where there is so much racket there must be something out of kilter. I think that 'twixt the negroes of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, or gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and no man could head me! And ain't I a woman? I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, and seen most all sold off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? [member of audience whispers, "intellect"] That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back , and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say."

It's Not Over ('cause He's never gonna) Leave You Alone...

So I haven't really posted in a long time, so sorry if these thoughts are really jumbled... I'm trying to get my thoughts out while doing hw xP...
But anyways... I stumbled across these two songs and they really spoke to me. If you didn't know already, this is my senior year, and it's been really stressful - having to deal with preparing for college, for a career, for the rest of my life. It may sound kind of weird, but, being a control freak, I always kind of freak out when I can't do something. When I can't control the situations I'm in, or what will come in my future.
These songs really came to me at an amazing time. I've been feeling really low actually, in terms of not knowing what's to come. If you know me, you know that I've always wanted to have lots of kids and a wonderful life with a wonderful husband, a wonderful house, etc. But, as these college choices and things began to approach, I've really questioned whether or not I could ever actually be... happy in my future. Now I know, I sound so stupid and stuff... "Abi, come on, 5 kids? A beautiful husband? You know you can't always have what you want. Just give it up." To be honest, yes, I know that I need to give up these things, but it IS really hard. In addition, to make things harder, recently I've been feeling like I can't succeed in the future because of the poor choices I've already made. I feel like I've wasted my time away doing what? Nothing.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that, when I heard these song, they really helped me see that, even though my dreams may be crushed, and I may not have that white picket fence, or that perfect life, it doesn't mean that my life is over. Though I face adversity and trials, it doesn't mean that there's nothing else left that's worth living for. And once adversity is over, though it's far from true to say that I'd never ever face any more again, there is a brand new day, a future awaiting me, awaiting you. And whether you take that as this life isn't over, or that when this life ends, there's an even greater life to live forever, that's up to you. Try looking at it both ways, because it is true both ways.
(A good friend recently told me a few things that've helped, too. Two lessons. 1. Always take on life with optimism. 2. God loves you, so suck it up!)
So no one has to stress out, or pull out their lustrous hair, because whatever we've done, we can move forward from. Whatever we have to face, we can overcome. Not because we alone can do it, but because God can and will pull us through. We can't do things alone. And the best part about that is, we will never have to. =)

Don't look back
Leave what's broken in the past,
Take my hand, and understand,
...
Don't give up
We've only just begun
I believe, I believe

It's not over,
The best is yet to come for us,
Come for us.
Night has faded,
A brand new day has come for us,
Come for us.

- It's Not Over - Stellar Kart

You'll never have to do this alone
Walking the tightrope and bracing the fall
No matter what you've done this far
He's still chasing your broken heart
He's never gonna leave you alone

- Leave You Alone - Chasen

"These things take time" - Sanctus Real

I LOVE SANCTUS REAL =] *sigh* i know that I need patience. Within these past couple of weeks, I realized how impatient I am. You all know that I am currently looking for a fellowship or church in San Diego, but not all of you guys know how frustrated I am with this. It's been only two weeks and i am already discouraged. I want my christian community now. It's really hard to type out all the mixed emotions I've been having within these two past weeks. This song reminds me how God will get me through this and how He will reveal His plan for me in SD in His timing. I admit that I am worried that I won't find my group of fellow brothers and sisters that I can be part of. Please pray for me. I need to trust that it will be okay in the end. enjoy this song and hopefully it will remind you to also be patient in Him =]

I Will Go

~Starfield, "I Will Go"

I just stumbled on this song, and it really speaks to how I want my response to be to God's call to be a healer in this world. I often times swing back and forth about how involved God wants me to be in helping the poor and the outcasts.. but I think the Bible is clear: Jesus's main ministry was to the broken, the humiliated, the poor, the blind, the widowed, and the weak. Who am I to claim the resources God gave me as things I should use for only myself? That includes my time, my money, and my attention. Of course, I know that I've been unfaithful with my blessings.. this is just a cool motivating song that brings my attention to what God really wants =]. Hope it touches you!

To the desperate eyes and reaching hands
To the suffering and the need
To the ones the world has cast aside
Where you want me I will be

[Chorus:]
I will go, I will go
I will go, Lord send me
To the world, To the lost
To the poor and hungry
Take everything I am
I'm clay within your hands
I will go, I will go, send me

Let me not be blind with privilege
Give me eyes to see the pain
Let the blessing You've poured out on me
Not be spent on me in vain
Let this life be used for change

I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you

Send me! [4x]

we crown You!

I've been wanting to share this song for the longest time. I love this song!!! I like the idea of crowning God as our king...when i think about it, I am at peace knowing that this world is in good hands. It's not just "me," but it's "we." As followers of Christ, we want Him at the throne. I feel like I am part of something bigger and that I am not alone in this. It's pretty straightforward and I thought about what I would say about it, but now I feel like I overdid the thinking part so yeah...I will just share it as it is..... enjoy! xD

Can I lie here?

"Can I Lie Here" ~David Crowder

I've been thinking lately, that for myself, I usually choose the complicated/deep song over the simple song.. but I'm finding that simple songs like this one are sometimes the ones that I find myself singing out to God when I'm alone. I shared this song with Mayen and Michelle yesterday :], and shared with them same things:

You know when you feel like trash, when mentally, spiritually, physically, and (especially) emotionally, you feel like a heap of miserable? It's those points when you feel like everything else can collapse around for all you care, and you yourself can go die in your sleep because you just want to stop feeling that way. ...and it's at those moments where you just plead to God, "I don't care about anything else right now.. can I just lie here in Your arms?" To lie in God's strong arms and have Him hold us tight.. this song kind of takes me to a place where I can sense His presence rushing around me, holding me, telling me that things will be okay. Kind of like how a child will crawl into the Father's lap, though the situation is the same, just to be held by your Dad is enough sometimes.

I don't think we're supposed to run to these moments so we can run to God, but we should know that God will our happiness is in being with Him; in death, AND in life =].

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My only calm is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My only thought is You
Save me

Can I lie here in Your arms?
Can I lie here in Your arms?
My happiness is You

Oh how lovely this place
to be with You
to be with You
Oh the brightness of Your face
here with You
here with You

here i am

To be honest, I haven't been spending a good amount of time listening to music, so that's why I haven't been able to post a new song. I actually wrote this on 12/24/09...a long time ago. I wanted to go back to an old draft that I started, but never really got to finish. I really do like this song and as I listen to it now, I realize how it also relates to what I am currently going through. I find it funny how I can use this one song and relate it to two different events in my life.

Right now, I feel pretty empty. Life is good...i have everything i could possibly need or maybe even want, but I want more. I wish that I was more productive. Rather than hanging out with friends, i want to volunteer, have a job, or maybe even evangelize (like the theme from retreat =P). It's kind of a long story, but it's gone to the point where I feel like I wouldn't want the typical American lifestyle (family, suburbia, job)...although there's nothing wrong with it. It is really a long story and if you really want to know, just ask me! But yeah....somehow God placed the word, "missionary", into my head. Okay, I don't know where I am going with this. Anyways, I hope that you can see how all of this connects to the song. The last three paragraphs were written a long time ago...I am leaving it as it is, so that means I did not edit it! Sorry for the long and messy post...I am tired now. Thanks for reading! =]



It amazes me to know that God crafts my life in a way that is different from everyone else's. Through all the struggles, low and high moments of my life, God was always there whether or not I acknowledged His existence. This song relates to certain events that I went through lately. For example, the lines: "Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness. And the fear that I'll fail You in the end. In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can," relates to my grandpa's situation. The words fit into this struggle perfectly. I was weak and afraid of failure and disappointing others, but God got me through. What I went through serves a piece of my relationship with God. I know that




This song reflects a lot of what I've been going through lately. With my grandpa and other similar situations, I was succumbed into this fear of failing what I was called to do. I do notice that I am the type of person that likes to "go with the flow." There's a part of me that relied a lot on God to carry out His plan without my help. This is the reason why I sometimes lack the motivation to for example plan for certain events . Failure or success, God knew what was going to happen before I even started planning. In many ways, if my grandpa did not receive Christ in his life, then I knew that I couldn't change what God has planned. With this thinking, I let life take its course. Despite all that, time killed me. Waiting for death is no fun at all. Although I knew that there was a possibility that my grandpa could have received Christ without my help, I also knew that I was letting others do that instead of me. My excuses were that I was not ready or I was too weak or I just didn't know what to do. I soon got angry with my idleness because at the same time, I acknowledged the fact that God moves through people. I used God's sovereignty over everything as an excuse to do nothing. It's the same way I rely on others to make things better for me.

I really want this one particular friend to receive Christ. In a way, I relate to her a lot. She questions me a lot about Christianity. The line: "somehow my story is part of Your plan," really hits me. I've gone through a lot and it is thanks to this reminder that God uses my life to somehow fit into where His plan is going. I think my friend can relate a lot to my testimony. I think she believes that I can never understand what she goes through sometimes. With my testimony, she can see that I do understand and I now know what to do about it.

Faith in God that I am a Change in the Making

So, Michelle, Mayen and Neilson has finally left my house! Took forever! :P I don't know how to do this really, if I do anything wrong, say anything wrong; if I have a misconception about anything, TELL ME!! Please! Do!

Anyways, lately, I have been really frustrated with myself. I keep asking: why can't I be a better person? Why can't I be humbler, more patient, more GENUINE, less hypocritical, less selfish, less lazy, less cynical? I keep finding faults in myself, and if I'm not finding faults in myself, I'm setting expectations that require a long period of time to reach. And, I know what things to say to myself to comfort me, rather, I know what things OTHER people would say to comfort me. Yet, somehow, although my brain can take my advice in, my heart, my soul can't. It's frustrating!
To make matters worse, I have this really, really, really bad habit of always being unsatisfied. When I reach an expectation, I make an even higher expectation to reach. So, that kind of adds to the frustration level.

I really like this song because, first of all, hehe, it's nice to know that I'm not alone in these frustrations. I know, I know so self-conceited and spoiled to realize that there are not only other people who share my upsets, but a God, Jesus, :D.

But this song also calls me to have more faith in God, in his GREAT power. I've been so caught up with me, trying so hard to better myself, that I've forgotten how great our God is. "From the dawn of history/you made new and you redeem/from a broken world to a broken heart/you finish what you start in everything" Our God can do ANYTHING, and everything he does is perfect; from the beginning to the end of every work he takes on, he's there; what can he not do?

WHY SHOULD I DOUBT THAT I WON'T BE A FAILURE?

I need to listen to Him, have faith in what He tells me to do, what He is capable of. I need to have faith that I am a "change in the making"; "I'm not who I'm gonna be", but who he wants me to be, which is the perfect way for me to be. I need to have faith that with "every step that I'm taking," he's "chipping away what I don't need." For, "this is me under construction...my pride being broken," and with "everyday, I'm closer to who I'm meant to be" because "I'm a change in the making.

Also, please ignore the second time the song is posted. I don't know how to delete it! ....

Somehow we're heard...

"When Our Hearts Sing" ~Rush of Fools

Ta-da, here's another old song that I heard a long time ago! I never knew the lyrics to this song, but I was still captured by what few words I could catch: You are infinite worth...we are, here on the earth, and somehow we're heard, when our hearts sing to You! And now, looking at the verses, this song just reinforces itself in its message, of how TINY we are in comparison to our AMAZING God, and yet He still hears our praises!

I have a feeling most of us have at one point or another felt that the songs that we sing, whatever we bring to such a God, is not enough to capture how deeply we love Him, and how much we want to praise Him. Our songs don't feel enough sometimes, and even the tiny acts of service for Him don't seem adequate. Such a King of infinite worth deserves SO much more than we can give.. but, and just another reason to praise Him, He hears our weak hearts and loves our praises. *sighs*. Thank God. =].

You're Beautiful

"You're Beautiful" ~Phil Wickham

This was one of the first "new" worship songs that I heard when checking out churches in San Diego. I'm not exactly sure what drew me to this song, but I really like it. It could be the poetic verses, describing the His works. Or it might be the wordless chorus, where I feel like my heart can sing to God in it's own way, in whatever state it might be in. When you listen to this song, go ahead and just meditate on God's amazingness =]. This song is simple adoration to God.

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who you are
You're beautiful

I see you there hanging on a tree
You bled and then you died and then you rose again for me
Now you are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful

I see Your face, I see Your face, I see Your face
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

Buried Alive

~Chris and Conrad, "Buried Alive"

Needless to say, I really like this song (haha). I wasn't exactly sure why, but this song really caught my attention the first time I heard it. After listening to it a couple times and understanding what it means, I found that its lyrics were related to what God was teaching me at the time (and is still teaching me), and that is how to be honest about ourselves with God, others, and ourselves. That lesson also forces me to face-up with the reality of being human, and letting go of this image that I've got it all together.


We've all broken ground.
Take one look around.
We're in over our heads and we keep digging down
We've all broken ground.
Making sure that nobody sees the dirt on our face
that just would not come clean
and hoping that this is the day
when everything changes..

I know that for myself, I often times try to maintain myself; try to make it seem like I've got myself collected and cool. Trying to keep up this image that I've so well convinced everybody else of. Whether it's the role being the "Spiritual" one, "Funny" one, "Cool", "Smart", etc., there are so many masks to put on. And how often I try to cover up myself, and not let anyone see what's going on... trying to fool people (and myself) into believing in this 'Tim' who's not even real. And I believe God's calling me to be honest and real. This song deals with just that fact that sometimes our life on the inside is the complete opposite from 'having it altogether', buried alive by all the crud we go through.

We take one last breath as the walls cave right in
Cover our heads as the weight of this world
comes crashing down...again..
And the last ray of light can no longer be found
And with no point of reference to find our way out
Scream out loud
Does anyone know that we are
Buried alive?

The chorus was the first thing that really stuck out to me, because it's this strong and terrible image of being in a dirt hole with everything caving in.. There is no more light, you can't tell which way is up because you're so far down, and you're losing hope that anyone could ever find you in this hole you've found yourself in. It really hit me that everybody, whether apparent on the outside or not, has those days where everything for them seems to be caving in. Whether relationally, emotionally, circumstantially, etc etc. I think everyone's been there before. It's an experience I believe we've all shared at some point in our lives. It just comes with being human, you know?

We all know the sound
We've been hunted down
and we all sing along from the moment we're found
We all know the sound.

I also noticed that unlike Chris and Conrad's other songs, this song didn't seem to have any reference to God. And for a while, I didn't understand what the second verse was talking about, but after listening more, I found the hint of hope that I couldn't previously find. When I listened this line, "we've been hunted down" over and over again, eventually a new image came to my mind. Putting ourselves back in the hopeless image of being completely swallowed by the dirt, what if all of a sudden we heard the sound of the soil being moved? And finally, after so long, you see the light, as it turns out there's been someone digging deep down to where you were in search for you. And when He finds you, the first thing He does is wraps His strong arms around your feeble body and holds you. I believe Jesus did and still does this for us.. this beautiful thought how we are not forgotten or lost, how our Jesus digs so deep down to find us and save us from our dirt. I love it =]. (Another image I love is how we're lost in a crowd, with a body from every side suffocating us, but God pushes His way through all of them to find us and hold us tight.)


So yeah..I had a lot to say about this song, haha. Hopefully the next time you see me, you'll catch me being myself, and not trying to put up a front. I know that I'm sometimes caught in this state of being buried alive too.. this song reminds me that Someone does hear me from deep down in the earth when I scream out loud. And if you ask me, I pray that I won't just try to wipe off the dirt from my face, but share with you this beautiful state of being human. (hehe, cheesy, but i mean it =].)

Will You Be There?

"Will You Be There" - by Skillet

A couple nights ago, I gave Skillet's Alien Youth album a listen. I'll be brief and to the point, because there's just so much about this album that I love. I was greatly moved when I listened to this one particular song.

I'll be honest. For most of this past year or so, my relationship with God was extremely fragile and unstable. I was disciplined to memorize Bible verses, and though I memorized them verbatim, for some, I didn't allow the time to sink in. For example, God promises in John 1:12-13: "Yet to all who received Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God--children born not of natural descent, nor of human derision or a husband's will, but born of God." The implications and power behind these verses are grand beyond measure. One of my favorite passages is Deuteronomy 8, which reminds God's people of His power and His goodness. Please read it for yourself before continuing:

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=deuteronomy%208&version=NIV

Just as the close of the chapter warns against, unfortunately, this past year, I recognize how I have come to "worship" and elevate two things to the status of "gods": my schoolwork and my best friend. By investing so much energy and "worship" into idols, however, my faith in God remains in constant flux--at times, strong and enduring, but at other times, dwindling. I found myself at some extremely low points in which I questioned God's hand in my life, and the security I have in Him. This song illustrates beautifully the desperation I felt at many times: "Will You be there as I grow cold / will you be there as I'm falling down?... / When I'm in retreat, can I run to You / Will my pain release at Your mercy seat?"

What I love in this song is the bridge that gives an answer to these uncertainties:

Are You saying, "Yes"

Oh, I gotta believe it!

Are you saying yeah

When Your love falls down I can rest my eyes

Feel Your grace and power flood into my life

As my brokenness and Your strength collide

When Your love comes down

Falling down!

God, it takes faith. But God, I gotta believe it! Please pray for me. Thanks.

[Like Tim, I want to thank those of you who read this far. XD]

One Life To Love

~33 Miles, "One Life To Love"

I just wanted to share another song, and this one played on the radio recently. I used to play this song over and over and over, and each time, it would make me want to cry because of the bitter reality that we only really get one chance at this life to love on people. It's like a splash of cold water for me, reminding me of my purpose here and snapping me out of my complacency to withhold my love from the people God has blessed me with. Hopefully it'll remind me to love you as well! =].

Spirit, take me Up in arms with You

In the middle of Winter Quarter of my freshman year..I can't remember exactly when... but there was a time when I could (I'm nearly certain) see God weaving together a bunch of events in my life to get a certain message across to me. While I was going through that, I wanted to write a facebook note about it.. but laziness won and ate up that.. so I'm gonna share it here instead. I also can't remember the exact sequence of events, but i'll try my best to recall correctly.


Anyways, the adults in Cumberland were going through a book called "The Unexpected Adventure", which was an awesome book which gave practical perspectives on how to share your faith with others. I haven't been able to finish it yet, but while I was going through it, I definitely felt the tug on my heart to go share Christ with people at UCSD, specifically my with my 4 (yes, f-o-u-r x]) roommates. To live my faith out-loud in a sense. What the book said was that, if our lives are centered around making Jesus famous, by an internal drive to tell people about Jesus, our lives would never be boring. In fact, it would be the complete opposite: an unexpected adventure. A life on the edge for Jesus (cheesy, but seriously, that's what I felt haha.)

It was during this time that I rediscovered this song, "24" by Switchfoot. And boy, did this song mean a lot for me.



I'm singing, Spirit, take me up in arms with You..
and You're raising the dead in me.
oOo, I am the second man now.

Gah, there's really so much to say about this song.. (like the connection between this song and the story in Genesis of Jacob wrestling God in the desert, and also the fact that the writer of this song wrote this song in light of his 24th birthday.) BUT I'll attempt to stay ontrack, haha. I felt that this song, especially the chorus, is an honest plea to God for Him to take us with Him on this amazing adventure He has in store for us! Asking Him to use us in spite of our blahness. Ultimately, it's also asking God to put us in our place. When God touched Jacob's hip-bone, it crippled Jacob, showing him that he is not First anymore, but that God is. The first step in this great life with the adventure of telling people about Jesus is understanding that we are the "second man", while Jesus is the First. Our wants, desires, needs, all come second to His glory.

Finally, also as I was going through this book, my dorm-floor one night was having a showing of the movie "Up" by Pixar. And if ya'll know me, I LOVE to analyze the heck out of books, music, movies, etc. (For those of you who haven't seen the movie yet, go watch it!! It's pretty awesome. Skip to the next paragraph if you fall under said catagory, because there shall be spoilers involved in this one X].) Now, for those of you who have seen it, check this out :]. The entire movie revolves around the concept of living for Adventure. One recurring phrase written all over the place (the blimp, the book, and more) is "The Spirit of Adventure". Take a look at the two main old-men characters, Carl Fredrickson (the good guy) and Charles Muntz: both have gone through many adventures in their life, have also experienced a lot of pain, and both are somewhat unable to let go of their past adventures. Mr.Fredrickson can't see the blessing of his new friends, and Muntz is obsessed with reclaiming his old glory and can't let go, like the bones in his blimp. A defining moment in the plot is when Mr.Fredrickson, after reading his wife's message to "go have his own adventures", throws out everything in his beloved house in order to save Russel.


This is where I gotta be honest. I'm sad and embarrassed that I've let this vision die. While going through this book, I boldly prayed that God would somehow have my roommates and I pray to Him together at least once in my freshman year. This unfortunately didn't happen. And honestly, I can't say that I gave it my all. I let it die, after being scared 'back into my hole'. But that offer for the Spirit to take me up in arms with Him still tastes so good.

Please pray for me to seek once again to have this passion for spreading Jesus's name, and patience for these passions to stir again. Also, I invite any of you who (so awesomely) read this far to keep me accountable. Ask me about it. Talk to me about it. It's gonna hurt if I can't look at you in the face and honestly say I've done something about it, but I think it's supposed to hurt like that. But I think maybe God showed me that "Up" movie to remind me to let go of the past and look forward, to the other great adventures God has in store.
I'm not copping out..
..not copping out..
and You're raising the dead in me

[i always feel the need to thank whoever reads this far, so THANK YOU =]. God bless!]

The Words I Would Say

(p.s. skip to 0:24 on the vid, because theres an intro thing that doesn't really matter so much, unless you wanna know who made the video x]).

~Sidewalk Prophets, "The Words I Would Say"



I just really like this song.. its a great encouragement to me, because I feel like this is what Jesus would say to me if I needed to be told anything. I think there will always be at least one line in this song that will speak directly to whatever struggles we're going through at the moment. I also feel that these are the kinds of words we should be encouraging each other with! Recognizing the great hand of God, and using out words to lift and strengthen each other, I believe we could/will all grow together in Christ.

So my dear brothers and sisters, from one child in Christ to another, please hear these simple truths (=]):

Be strong in the Lord and
never give up hope
You're gonna do great things--
I already know!!
God's got His hand on you so
don't live life in fear
Forgive and forget,
but don't forget why you're here
Take your time and pray..
thank God for each day
His love will find a way

..these are the words I would say =]]. God bless!

For the Moments I Feel Faint

"For the Moments I Feel Faint" - Relient K

This song speaks for itself... =)

Never underestimate my Jesus.
You're telling me that there's no hope.
I'm telling you you're wrong.
Never underestimate my Jesus
When the world around you crumbles
He will be strong, He will be strong

I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
I think I can't, I think I can't
But I think you can, I think you can
Gather my insufficiencies and
place them in your hands, place them in your hands, place them in your hands

- Abi

[quick note]

Hey peeps! I thought it would be a good idea to go through the old songs and replace the broken-linked songs (only the ones we can't watch anymore) with ones that we can actually listen to and watch. If anyone doesn't want a particular video replaced, then just let me know. I'm gonna keep the old embedding, in the very unlikely case that WMG will let them play again or that they'll magically be revived :] (haha, I'm so weird). Alrightys? Feel free to help me out in the process; there's a lot of songs. Thanks!

(I still can't believe this blog has been up for sOO long! Yay for cool post-ers & Jesus who we post about :].)

Only Love Remains...

So recently, I've been having a few issues. I've been feeling like I don't feel the way I should feel in my times of distress. I have the urge to feel broken, because too often, I think as though I deserve better. I feel like I need to find that point where I know I'm worthless, where I feel dirty, unwanted. Pride has clouded my mindset, and I need to get rid of it.
So (if you've seen my post > abicaiyou.xanga.com xP) this kind of realization came up one day when we were driving home from school, and I was listening to Oh My Dear by Tenth Avenue North. That's also a great song, so you should listen to it when you get the chance.
Anyways... yesterday, I was on facebook, and on the side, I saw those adds for other fan pages, like "fans of this also like Chris Tomlin and ..." or something. I came across an artist named Audrey Assad. I liked her music too, but when I went on youtube to find some more songs by her, I stumbled across this artist, JJ Heller. So I dont know if you will enjoy this type of music, or anything like that. But this song in particular spoke to me, saying that I can't rid myself of my own stupid thoughts on my own. I need to ask God for His help even in that. Even in wanting to need God, I need God. I need God to fix my mindset, because this world is so broken, that I feel like that's the bar to be set at.

Please kill the liar
Kill the thief in me
You know that I am tired of their cruelty
Breathe into my spirit
Breathe into my veins
Until only love remains

As I've been studying psychology, I've realized that I've used coping mechanisms, I've gone through many emotions. Yet, I've also realized that this whole population has, too. The main thing that stood out to me: Catharsis. Catharsis is when you try to take out your all your anger in order to get rid of it (pretty much proven to not really work). And the title of this song, the end of the chorus: only love remains. I want that for my heart. I want to be able to love with no inhibitions. And I know that I'm incapable of doing these things on my own. But God's here to provide ways that I can't even dream of.

I know that Im a shadow
But Im dancing in your light...

P.S. Sorry this post is kind of all over the place... I'm kind of out of it... haha =P

- Abi

God of Wrath

"God of Wrath"
~David Crowder Band

I was having lunch with a friend recently, and talking about a recent Bible Study he attended, he said that what hit him the most was that nowadays, we're seriously missing the fact that God is not someone we can mess with. He said that we often times form God out of our own image, depicting Him in the manner that pleases us. He mentioned how God is a God of Justice, and also of Judgement as well.

My friend really made me think about how great God really is and how holy He is. This morning, I continued my devo-time in reading through Leviticus. By coincidence (...?), part of the chapter included a passage where a man was commanded to be stoned because he had "blasphemed the Name with a curse" (Lev 24:11). I thought about why the Lord commanded that the man to be stoned, and about the holiness of God. We toss around the idea of God so freely sometimes. The author here, on the other hand, couldn't even straight-up say His name; the author put it as "the Name", recognizing God's greatness and authority. God, in His holiness and everything He is, cannot be mocked..

Just last night, I read that one of my friends was having a really crummy day. In his anger, he cursed God, all his friends, and sarcastically thanked Jesus for his troubles. I didn't really know how to react. And after reading today's passage in Leviticus, a surge of concern for my friend hit me. Though I know that he is still loved by God and saved through Jesus, the situation really scared me, after just reading how serious God takes His Name and how people treat it. All of that made me realize how small we make God, and how much personal-belittling He must endure by us EVERY day. (I'm so sorry, God, on behalf of all of us..)

About this song by David Crowder, though I've seen its title before, I never bothered to look it up, though I really was curious. I believe that we both unconsciously AND consciously avoid the subject of God's sovereignty and wrath.. Needless to say, after all those exposures to the topic, I finally looked up the song. The lyrics really put into perspective the grandness of God. The God of everything! And our response to Him. "My love for You / My heart for You / My life for You / All I am for You!" I think this is a very accurate depiction of what God was really asking of the Israelite people in Leviticus, and what He seeks from us..

I honestly don't think I have a solid grasp of how holy, BIG, and grand God is, demanding my utmost love, respect, and devotion; much more than just my "friendship". But I think for sure, He's developing what it means to love Him, not just for what He did for me (which is reason enough to give my entire life for Him), but also simply for who He is.

~ tim

P.S. I totally recommend going through Leviticus, especially after understanding the context of how God commands His beloved people whom He saved from Egypt to be Holy as He is Holy. =]

Savior, please

I introduced this song to the fellowship because at the time it was basically my prayer to God. He literally saves me from all the bleh in my life. I still need this song to help me go through my low moments. The low moments seem to never stop coming. God is really testing my patience. It really is scary sometimes. I wonder how much more I can handle. How much more do I have to endure? This song reminds me that God is on my side. He will never stop saving me.

I hope you enjoy this song :)

'Til I see You face to face...Come, Lord Jesus, Come

I don't have too too much to say. Maybe I'll edit this post later. But I just wanted to post up a couple worship songs that have really been encouraging me the past couple of weeks/days =]. I'll put down my favorite lines. If they touch you too, praise God! & if you feel like commenting, please do so we can rejoice with you =]. Take care, peoples!

"With All I Am" ~Hillsong




The greatest love that anyone could ever know
it over came the cross and grave to find my soul..
and 'til i see You face to face, and grace amazing take me home,
I'll trust in You

I will live, a child in awe of You


"All Who Are Thirsty" ~Kutless



Nothing but Your will for me,
I am only free when You--
Come, Lord Jesus, Come


"Came To My Rescue" ~Hillsong




I called, You answered
and You came to my rescue, and I
wanna be where You are

In my life, be lifted high!
In my world, be lifted high!
In our love, be lifted high!

okay, there's actually something I realize I probably didn't share with some of you who view this blog. This song, "Came To My Rescue", has a special significance for me. There was a time in February where I was feeling spiritually dry. On retreat with my church from SD, there was an extended time of worship, and I was asking God to really touch me. I actually felt like God telling me that I should go outside to listen for Him, but I was a little resistant, kind of hoping that I could be ministered to through the songs instead. But eventually, I prayed, "okay..I don't really know what you're doing God, but I'll go outside and try to listen to you there." I go outside and look at the stars; and not 5 minutes later, I met the leader of the guest worship band (not on stage at the time). We both actually shared with each other that we were having some difficult spiritual dry-spots of our own. And for him, he was having a hard time loving his teammates. I asked if I could pray for him, and he said, "you know, I had actually just asked God to send somebody to pray for me..". Like wow, right? And while we were actually talking, I could hear the song "Came to my Rescue" play from inside, and I couldn't help but side-focus on the lines, "I called, You answered.. and You came to my rescue and I wanna be where You are." I'm convinced that outside, praying with that person, was exactly where God was intending to show up in both of our lives.

It doesn't even end there x]. When the person was praying for me, he felt convicted to pray for my mom and her spiritual walk. I didn't talk to him at all about my mom before we started praying. He told me he had no clue what it meant; if it doesn't mean anything, then it'll just pass, but it's what he felt led to pray about. I talked to my family on the phone after the retreat, and it turns out that it was on that same night, my mom was sharing with the High School Fellowship during candlelight sharing at their retreat that she wanted to take her walk with God more seriously. like WOW.


Our God is AMAZING. =]. Thanks for reading this far!

I dare you to move.

"Dare You To Move" ~Switchfoot

I think its safe to say that all of us have heard this song like a kabajillion times (well, okay, at least I listened to it that many times xD). This is one of those songs that you can kind of listen to SO often that you can sing the words, and have fun singing it, but have no real thought about what it really means. But it's really cool when you go back to a song and you get some kind of new (or old, but reminded) insight about it :]. And (ta-da!) this happened for me and this song XD.

What really struck me recently was actually from the second verse, when the song goes, "...welcome to Resistance..". I started thinking as if we're trying to get somewhere, but there's resistance; a force pushing you back. This image really solidifies me as if I'm trying to go in one direction, but I feel a physical shove to my chest (kinda like a bully-push). It's then when the brain actually has to make a decision: (1) to back off because there's now something trying to stop you from moving in your desired direction, or (2) to move; forward, struggling forward. From this standpoint, the motivation of "i dare you to move" really means so much more now.

What does this mean for me? I think of so often the ways that I want to move in a certain direction, but refuse to for various reasons. One instance is in trying to talk to my friends about God and being open about Jesus: I have the desire to, but I feel the shove in my chest of "what if they don't listen?" or "is it even worth it?". Resistance.

As I was walking from class and thinking about this song (yes, even more x]), I noticed something kinda cool about the structure of the song. The entire song goes through a complete progression. The first verse is the first stage: Existence. Welcome! Now that you're here, what are you gonna do? Everyone's watching. "I dare you to move." Alright! Second stage: Resistance. Welcome... now that you've been pushed; now that you know its not just a straight path with no obstacles, what are you gonna do? The tension is here.. maybe you feel like you've fallen.. and there's no way you can move on, because of either yourself or something else.. but the third stage: Redemption. Forgiveness. Salvation. Beauty for Ashes! In your weakness, in the midst of Resistance and falling, God redeems you. What a weight lifted! But now what..? What are you gonna do now? Stand there? Stay where you are? "I dare you to move."

By now, you've probably seen the video & heard the song =]. This version is actually a new video made by Switchfoot, & came out just recently. I found it as I was looking for a good vid to post here x] and I really love it. I think the imagery in here is really awesome, especially with the emergence of the wave of people moving against him; the Resistance. But he pushes his way through, and eventually, made it all the way through the mob of people. There's kind of a sense of liberation as he exits the fog and the mob, because it's over & he's made it through. I just thought it was really awesome. The original music video is actually really good as well, if you wanna watch it, here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iOTcr9wKC-o&a=0l0T6_mJ2JA&playnext_from=ML

(wow this feels long, haha.) Yeahs, I dunno, this song is really cool for me :]. Thank God for cool music =D! I'm really hoping this song will remind me that 1st of all, life wasn't meant to have no obstacles; its ridiculous to think that there will be no resistance. But He dares me to move, not to let the doubt, fear, (etc) hold me back. And also to remember the beautiful stage of Redemption! Great stories to tell, when we're picked up off the floor, and move =].

Thanks for reading this far! Hope you were blessed!

[Please] Reign in Us

Hey peeps!! I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted any songs.. but here we go again, and I really hope ya'll will be blessed =]. This song is another worship song, written and performed by Starfield, titled "Reign in Us"



To be very honest, I don't really know what to type up.. but I know a few things.

The chorus really echos what I really desire in my heart. "Oh, Great and Mighty One, with one desire we come: That You would reign, that you would reign in us!" I love singing this, because in my own life, I realize all these areas where I don't let God reign. When I think of the word "reign", I think of rule; I think of sovereignty (haha, even bigger/vaguer words xD). Basically, I think of God being in complete control. So I ask myself, "God, could you please reign in me?" I am a very forgetful/sway-ey person, prone to wander in mind and heart and emotion. With all the times that I forget that I'm living for God and not myself, I feel the need to plead with my soul and cry to God that He would reign in my life. All of my selfish thoughts, wondering about how MY name will be glorified and not His.. I'm in such desperately need of His touch.

The last part really stuck out to me when I first sung it. Reminding me that this purification, this commitment to God, is not just for myself. God intends for us to be a light into this world and show how awesome He is! It's all about the glory of God. So I'm still praying to God this prayer for myself and for us:

So reign, please reign in us..
come purify our lives, we need Your touch
come cleanse us like a flood, and send us out
so the world may know You reign,
You reign in us..


=].

When I Think About the Lord

I'm trying to go through the Gospels right now, and just trying to understand God's grace and love. And sometimes, when I just lie there on my bed thinking about God's grace, how He sent us Jesus--free of blemish, God's one perfect son--to die for in our place...and then at the point of Jesus' death, how God TURNS AWAY and FORSAKES Jesus at that one instance in time when God should be condemning the human race. What love, what grace....it makes me wanna shout....

HALLELUJAH!
THANK YOU JESUS!
LORD, YOU'RE WORTHY OF ALL THE GLORY AND ALL THE HONOR AND ALL THE PRAISE!

Dirty Shoes

Link to Songhttp://politiik.xanga.com/audio/1161c3857572/

"Dirty Shoes" - by Tim Be Told
Lyrics: http://www.timbetold.com/LyricsDirtyShoes.html

Hi, there. This song really strikes a chord in me. It's a pretty straightforward song in terms of the meaning, but I really like the way the lyrics are written. The one line that particularly catches my ears is the part in the bridge that goes: "the halo 'round my head is a good toy." The bridge as a whole actually strikes me. It's so easy for me as a churched teenager to elevate myself to a "holier than thou" mindset over those who party, or those who stay out late, or those who are involved in a sexually active relationship--those people whose lives deviate even slightly from my "ideal," churched lifestyle. "Yes, these people certainly need Jesus in their lives," my mind would muse. And then, at high school fellowship, how easy again as a leader in the group, to put up a saintly facade as if I were more Godly than my brothers and sisters, especially those who weren't official "leaders." All that without even recognizing--well, maybe recognizing--but not acknowledging to my brothers and sisters that I am just as wretched, that I am just as dirty. I'm tired now of hiding my "dirty shoes"for so long now.

Little boy, whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do with all those dirty shoes?
Hide 'em in a room, yeah?
Leave 'em out of view, you got a lot to lose

Well, that's what I've been doing in high school. It's difficult for me to do. Hiding it in a little private room does nothing for me; Jesus still knows. I need Jesus's grace just as much as those whom I had stupidly deemed "ungodly heathens." What are my "dirty shoes"? I'll tell you (as difficult as it is for me)... I've been caught in the world of internet pornography for most of my high school career, and it's something that I still struggle with today. Am I ashamed? Of course. Romans 7:15-25 lays out the struggle of sin. But 1Peter 3:18 also says that "For Christ died for sins once for all, the righeous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive by the Spirit." And Paul also writes in Romans 5:8 that "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." I hold onto that--trying to understand God's love and grace.

So there it is. This is just one pair of my dirty shoes. But God's gonna make it clean. I'm holding onto that...

"To Surrender is to Gain"

I miss this blog a lot. I have not had much time to actually post something, but I have been listening to the songs and reading your posts, and they are all very encouraging. I should be studying for my midterm now, but I have been wanting to share these songs for a while now.

Lyrics: http://www.timbetold.com/LyricsTheHymn.html

Lyrics: http://www.timbetold.com/LyricsAllofMe.html

At the beginning of last quarter, a friend of mine from the church I go to in San Diego introduced me to this band called Tim Be Told, and I have fallen in love with their music since. The song "All of Me" became pretty much my life anthem for the past few months: I listen to it practically every day multiple times. I chose to share these three songs--"The Hymn," "All of Me," and "Honor You"--simply because I connect a lot with them for a long time. But do expect me to share more songs from them--I love them so much!

Let's start with the first song: "The Hymn (O What Mercy)." The lyrics are very eloquent, but they deliver a basic message that we all have heard many, many times. Essentially, we are broken, we are dirt, but despite our mishaps, God saves us, though we may not always recognize it. It's really easy for me to overlook the power expressed in this message of the gospel, simply because I hear it so many times that it has become cliche for me. But it really shouldn't be; I really should NEVER tire of hearing the gospel. I am currently being discipled by one of the upperclassmen in my fellowship (who is conveniently the one who shared this band with me), and he made it clear to me why I should never forget the gospel. It's really interesting, actually. He pointed out how a lot of the times when we go through hardships and then are so consumed with ourselves and how everything's messed up, well, eventually (though it's not always the case) we remember the gospel--or at least some form of it--and we recognize how essential God's grace is. While it is definitely good to go back to the gospel, how much more clarity one would have going through hardships with the gospel in mind. Well, that's just for me anyway.

One thing I really like about the song is the way that the lyrics are structured. In the middle of the first two verses, the lyrics emphasize our own shortcomings: "still my darkness veils all the victories / that you've seen me through" and "but our silence veils all the answers / that they seek from you." However, by the third verse, the climax of the song, we see the opposite: our shortcomings no longer matter. Surrounded by a powerful, symphonic aura, and delivered with strong vocals, the lyrics accentuate God's victory: "But your hope unveils all the answers and reveals the truth / By the cross you've made a way..."

I had actually intended "All of Me" to be the crux of this post, but seeing how I started to ramble a bit, I'll try to be brief. Like I mentioned, this is one of my favorite songs, and I really connect with it. One thing I struggle with is idolatry. I give myself to many things other than God, i.e. certain people, school, whatever it may be. I put all my strength and heart, all my hope and trust, into these things--much more than I give to God--but the thing is, I always end up in a worse state, farther from God. The second verse reflects my sentiments very well:

"I am restless in my soul

Stealing their affections, trying to fill an endless hole

I have cried alone so many times

'Cause I can't feel your love

I remember when you used to be enough"

Yeah. To be brief, I am very overwhelmed right now. It's hard to turn to God, but I do know--I have experienced it!--the joys of giving myself to God. I just pray that my trust in God remains strong, even through tough circumstances. Okay. Listen to these songs while reading the lyrics; it's really nice.

The last song...it's really simple and straightforward. Here are the lyrics:

"I have toiled and labored

For things that pass away

Working just to savor these numbered days

Fruitless seeds I've sown

Worthless things I've grown

I offer You all that I own, though small and simple

I pray it honors You alone"

Great prayer in conjunction with the previous song.

Alright I really need to continue studying for my midterm now. It's gonna be crazy! But I pray that I can give it up to God and that it honors Him. Alright, study time!

Enjoy Tim Be Told! :)

Whatever Reason

So for this song, I think I heard it a loong time ago, but recently KLOVE was doing a free download thing, and so this one was included.
So when I was listening to this song, I really liked it. It's in the perspective of God speaking to us. It's a clear depiction of the love that God has for us. Honestly, every one of us makes mistakes, everyone comes across failures in our lives. But those things are in the past. They don't matter anymore. I mean of course whatever you do has consequences, but in God's eyes, he's wiped you clean. You're completely clean. I just came back today from my school's first official softball practice of the year, and my mom had lined the seat with towels because I was so dirty. I was sore and I felt like I really needed to take a shower... xD
Well, anyway, after I took that shower, I felt all clean and happy and not muddy. But isn't that how God is? We do get so dirty, and we're sore and we've been running for so long that we have blisters on our feet. We feel like we don't know where to go, or what we're doing, and we feel like we can't go back. I'm not saying that softball is pointless and not worth it. By all means, it's an AWESOME sport! But I'm just saying that sometimes, it feels like we've been living this life for so long, and we feel like we've gotten ourselves into a ditch and we can't get out. We feel so shameful, and we think we can't fix our current state.
But if you look at it, God gives us so many opportunities just to turn around and run back into His arms. There is no sin that you can commit that would be big enough to wipe away the love that God has for you. It really doesn't matter what we've done in the past in the long run, because God already forgave you. You can turn around. You can run back. You can be embraced by His loving arms again. It's never to late to start over again. All God wants is for us to come home. To love Him. He's loved us so much.
In addition, He sees us as His "beloved child[ren]". So many of us feel like we're dirt, and that we're useless, and that we're not worth a penny. But think before you think that, because isn't it God that created you? Isn't it God that loves you? God sees us as his beloved children. No matter what we do, God will always love us. He longs for us just to run into His big strong daddy arms, because we are His children. So we can change our course. Instead of running away, let's run to Him. He's been waiting. He's been loving. He's been wanting us to come home...

Whatever reason you've been running
I just don't care anymore
Already forgotten whatever happened with what went wrong
I just want you to come home...