"here I am" - Downhere

To be honest, I haven't been spending a good amount of time listening to music, so that's why I haven't been able to post a new song. I actually wrote this on 12/24/09...a long time ago. I wanted to go back to an old draft that I started, but never really got to finish. I really do like this song and as I listen to it now, I realize how it also relates to what I am currently going through. I find it funny how I can use this one song and relate it to two different events in my life.

Right now, I feel pretty empty. Life is good...i have everything i could possibly need or maybe even want, but I want more. I wish that I was more productive. Rather than hanging out with friends, i want to volunteer, have a job, or maybe even evangelize (like the theme from retreat =P). It's kind of a long story, but it's gone to the point where I feel like I wouldn't want the typical American lifestyle (family, suburbia, job)...although there's nothing wrong with it. It is really a long story and if you really want to know, just ask me! But yeah....somehow God placed the word, "missionary", into my head. Okay, I don't know where I am going with this. Anyways, I hope that you can see how all of this connects to the song. The last three paragraphs were written a long time ago...I am leaving it as it is, so that means I did not edit it! Sorry for the long and messy post...I am tired now. Thanks for reading! =]



It amazes me to know that God crafts my life in a way that is different from everyone else's. Through all the struggles, low and high moments of my life, God was always there whether or not I acknowledged His existence. This song relates to certain events that I went through lately. For example, the lines: "Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness. And the fear that I'll fail You in the end. In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces, I can't put this together but You can," relates to my grandpa's situation. The words fit into this struggle perfectly. I was weak and afraid of failure and disappointing others, but God got me through. What I went through serves a piece of my relationship with God. I know that

This song reflects a lot of what I've been going through lately. With my grandpa and other similar situations, I was succumbed into this fear of failing what I was called to do. I do notice that I am the type of person that likes to "go with the flow." There's a part of me that relied a lot on God to carry out His plan without my help. This is the reason why I sometimes lack the motivation to for example plan for certain events . Failure or success, God knew what was going to happen before I even started planning. In many ways, if my grandpa did not receive Christ in his life, then I knew that I couldn't change what God has planned. With this thinking, I let life take its course. Despite all that, time killed me. Waiting for death is no fun at all. Although I knew that there was a possibility that my grandpa could have received Christ without my help, I also knew that I was letting others do that instead of me. My excuses were that I was not ready or I was too weak or I just didn't know what to do. I soon got angry with my idleness because at the same time, I acknowledged the fact that God moves through people. I used God's sovereignty over everything as an excuse to do nothing. It's the same way I rely on others to make things better for me.

I really want this one particular friend to receive Christ. In a way, I relate to her a lot. She questions me a lot about Christianity. The line: "somehow my story is part of Your plan," really hits me. I've gone through a lot and it is thanks to this reminder that God uses my life to somehow fit into where His plan is going. I think my friend can relate a lot to my testimony. I think she believes that I can never understand what she goes through sometimes. With my testimony, she can see that I do understand and I now know what to do about it.

How He Loves Us

Yay, another great worship song! =D.

This is "How He Loves", written by John Mark McMillan, covered by David Crowder Band. but WAIT, before you play the song, I want to ask you to try something: try closing your eyes, or spacing out, so you could focus on the words in your head instead of reading them. Allow the words just sink in your mind & heart.



yeah..

The imagery in this song is so..wow. The very first line is the one that almost everybody will remember: "He is jealous of me. Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree; bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy." God's love is so strong, and so AL;KJFGA;JFAW! Really though. Though words cannot explain the greatness of God's love, this song puts it in a way for us to remind us that He really DOES love us! How often do we forget that? SO often, for me. "Oh, how He loves us so.. Oh how He loves us.. how He loves us so." I realize that I never deserved such a love. Its so overwhelming.

In our hearts, I pray that we can worship HIM with a full heart, knowing that He gaves His only Son to die for us, and continually blesses and loves us unconditionally!



Oh, and by the way, here is a link to the Official Music Video of the song for David Crowder Band. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJyW55AXJAk . If you have time, I really encourage you to check it out. I gotta let you know, its a little strange...and it didn't really click for me the first time, especially during the chorus. But now, when I see the band members (comically :]) completely flipping out, I realize that it's a kind of reaction we would have if we understand just how much God REALLY loves us! How could we possibly keep it inside?

"YEAH HE LOVES US!! OHHH HOW HE LOVES US!! OOH HOW HE LOVES US!! OOHHH HOW HE LOVES!!!"

=]. God loves you!

You loved a people undeserving!

"To Know Your Name" ~Hillsong

This is one of the new worship songs that God's blessed me with while at UCSD. It's been an awesome song, just reminding me of how God is so good... Mmhmm. A simple song, telling the gospel in its simplest form, while telling some of the most profound mysteries our minds can('t) handle. Why should we, the sinful rebellious creations, deserved to be loved in such a manner by a holy and just Creator? That He would send His Son for us, to knowingly die for us? Life, only through Him.. isn't God SO good? =].

You loved..You loved
a people undeserving

Remain

Hi guys! Haven't really posted for...months x_x. so yeahs, remember that this site still is open for any/all sharing =].

"Remain" ~Starfield



I don't have too much too deep at the moment about this song, but every time I listen to this song, my heart is refocused back onto our God who is SO faithful, and whose power, justice, love NEVER changes. "When all else fades"; when all our intellect fails us, when we feel completely alone, when nothing seems to be going right... "You remain!" Look to the sky, and proclaim to aLL creation, "YOU are good!", "There is NONE like You!" :]..

what a glorious security we have in Jesus Christ. Amen.


Defender of this heart
You loved me from the start
You never change

Through the highs and lows
As seasons come and go
You never fail

[PreChorus:]
Day after day
Your love will remain
Faithful and true
You are good

[Chorus:]
You are God with us
You're victorious
You are strong and mighty to save
For Your word stands true
There is none like You
And when all else fades
You remain

When troubles come my way
You guide and You sustain
Lead me, I pray

Forever You will be
The great eternal King
Now and always

Beautiful Ending

So tell me what is our ending
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful

As I was listening to my iTunes, I realized that I haven't really updated my songs that much... and I decided to do some youtube searching... I came across this song by Barlowgirl. To me, it speaks millions.

Oh why do I let myself let go
Of hands that painted the stars and holds tears that fall
And the brighter my heart makes me forget
It's not me but you
Who makes the heart beat
I'm lost without you
You're dying for me

So tell me what is our ending
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful
Will my life find me by your side
Your love is beautiful
So beautiful

At the end of it all I wanna be in your arms

In my life, I am just like the child in this music video. There are little distractions, little temptations, little curiosities that draw me away from God. All I want at that moment is to obtain my desires. Yet the more I continue being distracted, the more lost I get. It's like I'm plunging into the forest and I dont know my way back. But when I feel like I'm at my limit, when I feel like I can't search anymore or find my way out of it..., there's always God. It's not that He has ever been absent in my life, but it's that I haven't always been looking for Him. So it's then that I find God, who points me in the right direction... He leads me where I need to go... He guides my way. That's where I want to be...

At the end of it all I want to be in Your arms...

not so much a song...

but it's worth a few minutes of your time for perspective about life

My friend Bernice sent me this song and it was God's perfect timing for me to receive it.

I've been trying really hard to be thorough at work but this time I felt like it was beyond my control. For some reason the machine I setup for testing was found to have been setup incorrectly. I remembered eyeballing the exact spot that was set incorrectly. From what I remember it was set right. How could I have messed that up? But yet I have no proof that I did it right. The one in charge doubts me and I start to doubt myself too.

And then I receive an email with this song and these lyrics speak straight to my heart.

Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think it's more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now


It doesn't matter what you I've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I am only human and I cannot avoid failures.
God reminds me
"Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try"
Even though I'm discouraged and doubtful of the outcome, there is no excuse to not try.
Life is so much more than this setback.

Thank you God for your reminder that you continue to love me when I fail.

Free to Be Me by Francesca Battistelli

I loved this song when I first heard it even though I didn't know all the lyrics; I was still able to make out what she was saying/singing. I don't remember when I first heard Free to Be Me, but I think it was during the summer, when I had nothing to do during the weekdays... K-Love played this song a lot, and it's inspiring to know that God loves me for me, even though He knows all my flaws and imperfections, "but perfection is my(our) enemy," because it is even though I do strive to make straight lines for projects, and I do try to remind myself that perfection is my enemy. This song helps through those moments when I try to write in a straight line for worksheets, projects, etc.. "I'm free to be me, and you're free to be you!" God loves you for you, and remember perfection is our enemy.

Beyond Measure

Ah, the blog has been getting kind of lonely lately, and I thought I'd share this song with you (obviously) :]. (look at the youtube site if you want to see all the lyrics.)



~Jeremy Camp "Beyond Measure"

(Bridge)
"Everything I have
has been given so unselfishly,
and shown that even when I don't deserve,
You always show the fullness of Your love"

There are always times in our lives when we're feeling out of touch with...well, everything. Feeling down or even numb. This song such a wonderful reminder of God's unrelenting pouring out of blessings on us. Every breath we take, every beat our heart pumps, is yet another glorious blessing God gives us. And God is so ready to take you and I places. "Every next step, is an extrodinary scene". Every chapter of our lives is written with purpose by the hand our amazing Creator. I don't know about you, but when I pull my attention away from myself and think about how much our God has blessed us, things seem to be better, though situations might be exactly the same as before. God has given us a beautiful life, though fog sometimes blocks our view. When we try to figure things out though, grope through everything we have for meaning, for purpose, for something REAL, we'll find every time that we are nothing and would have nothing apart from God.

To kind of really understand this song, you have to know a little bit about Jeremy Camp's life. In this song, Jeremy Camp praises God for several specific ways He has blessed him: a newborn child, a loving wife, and then more. Jeremy also understands that this life brings a lot of pain. In his early twenties, his girlfriend whom he loved very much was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The two got married five months before her passing. Jeremy's first album "Stay" has several songs talking about this inconceivably trying time for him, the song "I Still Believe" being the first song he wrote after his first wife's death. Through all of this, he sees that God guides our steps and goes with us through everything... everything.

Jeremy Camp's story is awesome.. but I'm realizing more and more that your story and my story is just as beautiful, filled with all of God's amazing love and grace. We've been given so much more than beyond what we can measure. This beautiful life He's given us.. I don't want to watch it go by, not understanding the great gift He's laid before us. When we meet God and look back, will we be ashamed that we had our blinders on for too long to see that He's poured out so much on us? More than that, for us now, we should be excited! Excited for where God is going to take us next, whether it be through our first college years or the last years in high school or just tomorrow even! What AWESOME blessings God has planned for us... please guys, remind me of this when I just can't see things clearly. I'll try to do the same for you =].

(Chorus)
"I know that I've been given more than beyond measure
I come alive when I see beyond my fears
I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure
I come alive when I'm broken down and given you control"


Oh, and if you want to check out "I Still Believe", here you go. I still cry sometimes when I hear it... glory to the God who mends our brokenness.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4qPceadBMU

The Lost Get Found- Britt Nicole

hey guys,

i've been wanting to share this song for a long time.

sometimes God puts something in my heart to say
but i'm scared to say it because i don't want to hurt or offend others.
i like to keep peace.

this song reminds me that the lost getting found is worth the risk.
if i don't take these risks, how will the lost hear the truth?

and yes, when i finally step out and follow the tug in my heart, God has
allowed me to sprinkle some salt in the conversations with the lost.
praise God for all of those opportunities and please pray that i will
be faithful with the ones to come.

thanks for reading and i hope you'll enjoy the song!

How Many Kings

I know I've shared this song for most of you who still read this blog, but I thought that I might as well put it on the blog itself. PLus the band is really cool, with one guy singing crazy high and the other singing really low.. *thumbs up*.



A little while ago, I became very compelled by the stories of the astronomers from Persia. These people, after studying for years and years the constellations of stars and such, have finally discovered where the Messiah from the Scriptures would appear. Furthermore, it would happen within their lifetime! So leaving their own home, they take this long journey to seek out the Messiah they've been waiting for for so long... to find that the way God would present the Savior is in the weakest form, a baby. But despite the irrationale that this humble baby would be the one to save Israel (and in fact the entire world), they present their gifts to this presentation of God's love.

This travel that the astronomer's take come from a deep conviction to see their Savior! Imagine: the Messiah! The One that all the prophets said would free Israel would be showing up soon! What elation, what enormous emotion must be running through these men's veins! So they leave behind their homes, their families, their comfort, to travel a huge distance (without a car!) to find this Savior. If we heard that Jesus was showing up, say in Minnesota, would we want to go see Him? hehs, okay, hard to imagine..but to what distance would we travel to see where God is showing up? It would be great, if we could go whatever distance to see God showing up! to have that kind of excitement and "wow!"ness.

So say we did travel that distance..read that book, speak to that person, take that stand, basically take that extra mile...after we do that, we should be giving all our praise to this God who can do all things. yay.

And speaking of the chorus.. why should the KING of kings, the LORD of lords, the CREATOR of all creation step down in such a dramatic way, manifesting Himself in the weakest and most vulnerable form? His love is something I will never understand...to send His son to save us through His son's death. (wow.) He really does deserve everything. What an awesome God we have.

I am for you

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKWcQqKsT6g

I am for you ~ waking ashland


I remember listening to this song when I was in my early high school years. Not sure if this band is a christian band, but they come from a christian label.....so i think that they are christians xD. It's cool because back then, I only liked this song because it sounded pretty. Now listening to this song again a couple of years later, I can see God.

This song gets me thinking about how many people believe that God is against them. How they are struggling so much and think that God must really hate them. Of course, as Christians, we know that is not true.

In my opinion, the lyrics are amazing. For example, "Right and wrong is black and white
The illusions of this world And there is hope again."I don't know how you interpret it, but I interpret it as life is not just black and white. There's so much more to that. God is complex. I don't think that He would make life that simple. It is an illusion to view this world as only black and white. Life doesn't make sense. There will be unanswered questions, struggles that we don't understand, happiness that can't be described in words....and etc; In all that God can be found, there is hope. If life was easy, then we wouldn't need God to help explain it or live through it.

"The comfort we create to prove were something .But we're starving." We have our comfort zone. Day by day we build up this comfort zone. We build and build, but where will it lead us? We are comfortable, but is that enough? Are we satisfied, are we even happy? haha....whoah i typed out all those questions and I look down at the lyrics and this line follows: "Screaming in the night cause you want answers." I must've been thinking the same thing as waking ashland when they were thinking of those lyrics. =]


Life makes no sense. Our comfort is not enough. I can understand why people would think that God is against them. Knowing about God's love and who He is makes me understand why He does those things. I can justify what seems as negative things by finding God's love in those situations. ".... If God is for us, who can be against us? romans 8:31"

Something’s very wrong here
Your heart has frozen over
and something’s very strange here
You've lost all desire

The comfort we create to prove were something
But we're starving
Screaming in the night cause you want answers
From the one
And there is hope again

Don't give up your not thinking
Don't give up just keep seeking
And I, I am for you
And I, I will love you
And I, I am for you
And I, I will save you

Come and take my face or forever I will walk alone
And all the same mistakes
Cause I know you, I deny you
Days go by and choices still remain forever
Right and wrong is black and white
The illusions of this world
And there is hope again

I send my self to you
Yes always and always
I send my love to you

You found today, found today, you found today, saw today

Smile

"Smile" - by Kutless

Sorry if you read the paragraph that I had originally posted--I was bitter. And that's not the message I wanted to convey, especially not with this song. "There is a joy inside / the realm of God is all I know from which this could originate." Let's smile, a genuine and pure one, please... :]

[I'll give my thoughts on the song later.]

Dear Slim (Eminem) pt2

Hey peoples, this is a song titled "Dear Slim Part 2" by a christian rapper KJ-52. *gasp! christian rap!* xD Wells, I guess I'll give a little bit of context... KJ-52 wrote a song "Dear Slim" first, which is basically a letter in song to his mainstream caucasian-rapper-counterpart Eminem. This is a follow-up to the first song he wrote.

Haha, I understand that this kind of music is kind of..different for most of us x]. If you can't help but wince at the music, you can mute it and look at the lyrics =].



I listened to this song a while back, and there are just parts in it that still hits me hard. I'll say this, I've never listened to any of Eminem's songs, just that I know he does have a wide audience. When I look at this song from its speaker's perspective, "another cat trying to make it", it really hits me that KJ-52 really cares about Eminem's salvation. Have I ever cared for anybody like this, whom I know doesn't know God? KJ-52's focus here is on praying that Eminem will finally realize God's love. "A life without Christ is a life that is never fixed..."

For us Christians, I think it is true sometimes that, for these people we "hate on" (or possibly idolize, or couldn't care less about), we are completely passive about whether they know God or not. How many of us pray for...Britney Spears? Michael Jackson? Jay Leno? Slipknot? our President? our boss? our teachers? then, how many of us actually CARE whether or not they'll find out what God's amazing love really is? I'm praying that we'd seek the compassion for these people God loves so much.

Always, Always

Message from the band




"Always" ~Building 429




I hope this encourages you, guys.
Deuteronomy 31:6 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."

Angel

"Angel" - by Sarah Mclachlan

This is a very beautiful and very sad song. Life is not always smooth. I am not contemplating ending my life, as this song may imply, but I do long for that "comfort" of being "in the arms of the Angel." These couple of lines, though a bit morbid, are beautifully written: "I need some distraction, oh beautiful release / Memories seep from my veins / Let me be empty and weightless / And maybe I'll find some peace tonight... In the arms of the Angel..."

Please pray for me. I do long for that comfort.

My Heart Will Fly

Just a quick amendment... i believe the line is supposed to be "...why write the script" (w/o the "I"). But yeahs, this is "My Heart Will Fly" ~Mercy Me



haven't really been posting on this blog for a while. this is a nice song that I really think is good, especially for us who can't always figure out why certain things are happening in our lives.

"Why this happened I cannot explain...
why write the script with such heartache and pain
could there not have been an easier way?"

Beyond all the confusion and pain that this life brings, there is a great reassurance that it will all end, and that in that end we'll understand why all of those things happen. When we finally see God face to face, all of our momentary troubles will fade away...and it's something I'm looking forward to and keeping my focus on. All the things I go through, though I go through it now, I am promised will all be worth it when I finally see our Savior, God..

("Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.")

In 1 Corinthians 13:12, Paul hits on a point that here on earth, we're looking at life through faded glass...things are not clear and things don't make sense. But he reminds us of that day, when we'll finally see things clearly, and just as God knows us inside and out, we'll know Him and we'll understand why He took us through all the things we went through.

"And what appaears as incomplete...is still completely Yours
and one day we'll see as we've been seen
and we'll soar"

At The Cross

"At The Cross" - by Hillsong United

I was listening to a cover of "Lucky" by Colbie Caillat performed by Cathy Nguyen and AJ Rafael a while ago when I stumbled across this cover of "At the Cross". I found it utterly amazing. LOL! well, anyways... I just thought that this was a really beautiful song and the lyrics are amazing, as well...

Oh Lord, you searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You,
I know you love me
Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season,
I know You love me,
I know You love me.

At the cross, I bow my knee,
Where Your blood was shed for me,
There's no greater love than this.
You have overcome the grave,
Your glory fills the highest place,
What can separate me now?

You go before me,
You shield my way,
Your hand upholds me;
I know You love me.
And when the earth fades,
Falls from my eyes,
And You stand before me,
I know You love me;
I know You love me

You tore the veil, You made a way
When You said that it is done.

This is one of those songs that i had to listen to over and over again. It's just really beautiful... "There's no greater love than this..." There really is nothing else that is greater or more loving than the God we have. "What can separate me now?" Nothing can separate us from the love of God. Although there are trials through life, He shields us, he protects us. Even when we fail him, he still loves us, and he still holds us up when we feel like falling. God is utterly amazing.

"I know You love me..."

Everything you want

this song is as close as i can relate to what i'm going to say...it's an old song by Vertical Horizon and the title is Everything You Want.

lately I've been thinking why do I love God? I'm still trying to make a short statement that non christians can understand without the Christianese words to confuse people. But my itunes was on random and that song played and it kinda felt aligned with my question...especially the chorus which goes..

He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why


except the 2nd to last line that says he means nothing to you, instead He means EVERYTHING to me....but most Christians don't know or forget WHY they love God. They say they love God, they worship God, they serve Him, but why? The answer to the question of WHY you love God should be a basic foundation of your faith. and the answer to why YOU love God, should be something personal, not a bible verse. It can be backed up by the verse but really your experience with God is the correct answer.
here's the song.



BY THE WAY, IF YOU HAV'NT HEARD, THOSE WHO ARE GOING TO FAMILY RETREAT, IF YOU CAN THINK OF A SONG THAT YOU LOVE, WOULD YOU MIND SHARING IT WITH ALL OF US AT RETREAT DURING SATURDAY NIGHT SPECIAL SONG SHARING? PLEASE TURN IN SONG TITLES TO ME OR JERRY BEFORE RETREAT PLEASE....AND THINK OF SOMETHING TO SHARE OF WHY YOU LOVE THE SONG TOO....THANKS

If We Are The Body - Casting Crowns

If We Are The Body - Casting Crowns



I've heard of this song often...seems KLOVE plays it every other day at the minimum. This song brings to mind a current thought about the church of today (Cumberland, any Christian church in the world). I'm wondering how much are we doing to fulfill the Great Commission. It's so easy to be consumed with everything about ourselves. Our thoughts seem to be mostly about ourselves...while the needs of the world go unseen and unmet. This post is in relation to the note on my Facebook page about poverty in the world. Everything starts with the man/woman in the mirror. Each morning, as I get up, I have to look at myself in the mirror...and ask God...what is it you want me to do today, God? Help me to see the needs of the world...and then help me to meet those needs. May my eyes and heart not be calloused, stone cold, without compassion. Thank you God for speaking to us through music amongst other things.

Beautiful Day

"Beautiful Day" - by U2

I'm very tired right now, but I really want to share this song, especially on a day like this--blue skies, lush green fields (at softball practice! =D), and the blazing sun. Heh, it's a beautiful day. I'll keep it brief, though.

This is one uplifting anthem that I enjoy very much. I'm not going to go into it too much, but--while the entire song is great--here are some lyrics that stand out to me and really get me (you can make out whatever you want out of these lyrics):

"It's a beautiful day
Sky is falling, you feel like it's a beautiful day"

"Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case"

"See the... see the... see the...
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colors came out"

"What you don't have you don't need it now
What you don't know you can feel it somehow"

Regardless of whatever may be going on in your life, everyday is a beautiful day. Every day is a blessing from God. I gotta remember that. This song actually reminds me of the story of Job: everything is going wrong in his life, but ultimately, he recognizes God in his life, and it's all okay. As vague as that statement was, it holds true. I like this song.

It's sleep time for me. May you all have a beautiful day. =]

Narnia

Arggh I can't embed it... anyways here's the link : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDAl62AAGWc&feature



The song is called New World, by Toby Mac, and it basically tells the story of how Lucy discovered Narnia and how no one believed her at first. I only knew about this artist probably a week by now. This isn't really my genere of music but to me it doesn't matter, just the lyrics that is what matters to me. And it's about Narnia! haha yeah. I love Narnia, great story. Anyways I just wanted to share it with you guys because I thought it was awesome. And I think Michelle will love this lol.

Freedom...Release

"Freedom" ~Run Kid Run

This is such an awesome and beautiful song. For the longest time, I wasn't able to hear what the song was saying, until I saw this video that actually had the lyrics xD... but yeahs, thank you Vivian for showing this song to us months ago during worship team orientations :]. As Christians, we know that ultimately our sins and shortcomings will be, in the end, compeletely and wholly stripped away. Sometimes though, it feels that though Christ has taken away all that keeps us from Him, we're the ones holding onto what keeps us from drawing closer and completely trusting Him. Why do we hold on to these things? Why can't we just let go? And why is it so hard? My spirit is willing but my body is weak...or is my spirit even willing? "Oh(All) my chains, I can't disengage...and I don't believe that I want to. One hand sings Your praise, the other brings me shame...I have selfishness to blame..."

For myself, sometimes I just feel so overcome with my own selfishness, yet I feel like somehow I am just holding onto it...it's not God's fault, it's my own. I know in my heart that what Christ did on the cross two-thousand years ago did it completely for me; I am to God His child, by His grace...and sometimes I forget that I, in actually since I've been a Christian, always have bEEN free. (Thank you Michelle for your old MTB post reminding me of this xD). But (why) do I hold on to my chains of putting my self before God? "I keep holding my chains, no longer bound but here I stay."

God reminds me...that in the end, there's only love. In Christ I have life, and what I need to do is let go, die, to my old self and grab hold of the new life He's set before me. I know I don't feel it in the actual moments of dispair...but I do know that when I get out, that line rings true: "Dispair has come so you can see...release...". God will see us through all our pains, I trust and believe; even the ones we put upon ourselves. His love has no bounds.

Done xD.

Time

"Time" - by Pink Floyd

You should check out the lyrics to this song--they're AMAZING! lyrics

I was reading my Bible this morning, and I was reminded of this song as I read the following verses from Ephesians 5:15-17: "Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

"I wish I had more time." Those are six words I find myself saying a lot nowadays. Time is very fragile; it comes and is gone in the very next instant. (It is also very confusing. There's a section in my physics book about the relativity of time...I don't understand it.) I have come to realize, though, that the problem isn't that I don't have enough time, but rather that I don't make the best use of my time. I am privileged to be given so many opportunities to do a plethora of things: everything from receiving a supreme education at one of the best public high schools, to participating in sports teams (softball and volleyball), to being involved in the high school fellowship leadership, to playing on the worship team, among other things. The thing is, however, that I can't do everything in the finite period of time allotted for these activities. Moreover, I'm having difficulty discerning whether or not everything I do is necessary--i.e. "understand[ing] what the Lord's will is."

Despite the multitude of opportunities before me, I can't help but feel like the time in my life is slipping by--that I am not using my time to its fullest potential. I am pleased to say that procrastination has become less of a problem for me (at least in terms of schoolwork), but I think my problem lies now in saturating my life with too many activities. I am so overwhelmed that I leave no time to listen to God's voice. It's funny, actually. Before, I also felt like I was letting my life slip by idly, so I took it upon myself to pick up all of these things that would supposedly "draw me to God" (i.e. all these church-related activities). But all it did was overwhelm me with stress, and actually distanced me from God's voice. It's like the third verse in the song: "so you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but it's sinking..." Well, no, actually, the whole song kind of reflects the situation. I love this song.

Please pray for me.

Do you feel like your life is slipping by idly? Here's Ephesians 5:15-17 again:

"Be very careful, then, how you live-- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

stand amazed - 33miles



Good Friday made me reflect on how long I have been a christian. It is funny because I do know that I haven't been a christian in a long period of time unlike the other people at church. Within that time I went through a lot......and it has only been like one year (i think)! Well, one year is only the beginning! hopefully it can be Two years, three years........99 years (if i do live up to that age). The older generation at church is an inspiration because it shows that it is possible to continue this journey with God as a companion despite any circumstances. "let this be the prayer that I speak"....."so that I will always stand amazed."

I don't really know how long forever is
But that's how long I'm gonna give my life
Everything I face that tries to tear me down
No I won't back away from the sacrifice
I won't forget what your love means to me
You're always there to light my way

(Chorus)
When all the lights go down and the world is quiet
No one is around
I wanna be the same man that'll serve you then
Like I serve you now
That my convictions never change
O let my need for you remain
As real as the moment I was saved
So I will always stand amazed

Sometimes my heart desires such selfish things
When the moment comes help me to trust
Something better that you have for me
If I could just hold on to you enough
I won't forget what you're love means to me
You're always there to light my way

(Chorus)

You will be my strength when I am weak
When I wanna give in and not turn the other cheek
Let this be the prayer that I speak
That I speak

(Chorus)

You Found Me

This song (You Found Me - The Fray) is a very meaningful song to me. The first time i heard it, i received mixed messages because i didnt really understand it... But when i discovered more of the meanings behind it and when i interpreted it in my way, it shows me so much... I think a lot of us believe that this world is our own... that we have a right to everything... and sometimes, we feel like God has deserted us at times we needed Him most. When i listened to this song, it made me understand what God actually does for us.

It's like the footprints in the sand parable. God doesn't ever desert us, but he's actually carrying us through every tough situation. We often think, "hey, where'd you go when i needed you? those were my times of trial, but i only see one set of footprints." Little do we know that those were Gods feet when our own two couldn't carry the burdens.

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
It never came
To the corner of First and Amistad

^ in this part of the song, i believe that it portrays our common thinking, that God was never there, and that he wasn't reaching out his had for us. In truth, he was carrying us in the palms of his hands.

In the 2nd verse, it says:

In the end
Everyone ends up alone
Losing her
The only one who's ever known
Who I am
Who I'm not, who I wanna be
No way to know
How long she will be next to me

And then the chorus says:

Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lyin' on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Why'd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me

"Losing her, the only one who's ever known..." When we lose the comforts of life, or the securities in this world, we can't help but think that there's nothing left for us... we have built so much on the temporary things in life. But at the last moment, guess what... God sweeps us up into his arms and carries us... He finds us in the midst of our times of struggle...
But what do we think? we often think "why couldn't you have saved me earlier, so i wouldn't have had to go through these struggles?" But you know what? God knew where we were from the very start...

Early morning
The city breaks
I've been callin'
For years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
Ya never send me no letters
You got some kinda nerve
Taking all my world

This song seems to be telling us that "God didnt find us in time..." What i believe that it's actually telling us is that we need to realize that it's NOT God that didnt find us... it's us who need to find God...

mehh...sorry, this is sort of a confusing post... well, hopefully it'll just help you realize how much God has given us, and that WE need to find God...because...

You found me... You found me......

Shipwreck

"Shipwreck" ~Starfield

This song has so many different ways it can speak to you and me..wows. I think i shared this song with a lot of you peoples already, but here it is again :]

because of all the amazing ways i could look at this song i could make this post VERY indepth and long...but i'll let my words be few :]. lately i've been feeling kind of...less than what i wish to be. i've been looking back one or two years, and i notice how i've changed in so many different aspects; and in most of these ways, i wonder "God, how come i can't be/think/act like i had before!" in these moments though, i'm reminded of what i am: a shipwreck that tried to go his own way through the storm. now i'm asking, though i'm just a beggar, for Him to keep working on me...so that with Him in me, I could be who I'm meant to be.


really, i posted this song because i'm really curious to hear what you guys think about this song, and how it speaks to you. if you want to, look up the lyrics; they're really poetic. please comment on the song! have fun guys.

Something To Say

Hey guys my first post for this blog haha. Anyways I found this great song by Matthew West. I don't know if it's on youtube or not, but um... it's a great song, and just reminded me that everyone's life is like a song, or a book, or whatever other cliches are out there. So here are the

http://video.google.com/videosearch?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1ACEW_ENUS320&q=Something%20to%20Say&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wv#q=Something+to+Say+Matthew+West&hl=en&emb=0



lyrics
Wake up, 7:32 AMCan’t believe it’s time to do it over againYesterday,
it took all that you hadAnd
you’re wonderin’ if you’ll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on and let your life be heard today

You got something to sayIf you’re livin’, if you’re breathin’
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin’
You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got itYou got something to say

Yeah, yeahSomething to sayYeah, oh

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening
Well the answer to the question is
You were created, your life is a gift and
The lights are shining on you today, ‘cause

You got something to sayIf you’re livin’, if you’re breathin’
You got something to say
And you know if your heart is beatin’
You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got itYou got something to say

YeahYou got something to sayCome on, come on, yeah

Sing na na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Na na na na na, yeah

Listen up, I got a question here
Would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
Well your life is the song that you sing
And the whole wide world is listening

Oh

You got something to say
And no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
You got it, you got it
You got something to say

YeahSomething to sayCome on, come on, yeah

And the world is listening now
And the lights are shining down
Shining down on you today, ‘cause
You got something to say

So just say it

enjoy the song

Re: Jeremy (or "Hero")

This is a song-response to compliment Neilson's post "Jeremy".
The song is titled "Hero" by Superchick





This is basically a comment in post form x].. Like Neilson pointed out, I think we can all think of someone at our school who just doesn't receieve any friendship, any love, any mercy at all. They are the outcasts-- the ostracized at our schools. I can think of one in my class as well. He doesn't seem to know how to socialize in a way that doesn't make him seem weird. I am one of his only acquaintances who can talk to him.

As Christians, aren't we called to be the ones to love on these people? In our high school fellowship, we've seemed to be doing an exhaustive study on "relationships" and "love". How is love? WHAT is love? (*starts bobbing head to side of neck xD..*) Well, 1 Corinthians 13 has that spelled out for us and how we can demonstrate love for these people. I know God didn't just come down to rescue specifically those who have it all together, or those who aren't socially unacceptable. So the commandment is there: love your neighbor as yourself; but as Christians, how well do we fare in following through with this? I think that this is the real test of high school Christians: stepping out to do what nobody else would for the sake of an unbelievable Love.

I love the bridge of this song... it poses the question: Am I one of these people who just walk by? I don't want to be...God please give us the strength to love these people we know You died for when it seems nobody else would. "Lets WAKE UP, change the world, our time is NOW"

God bless the last ones...

http://www.ilike.com/artist/Matthew+West/track/The+Last+Ones

I was searching and searching... and they dont have this on youtube! so i found a website where you can listen to it for free... just click "The Last Ones" under Song Clip...(idk if you can listen for more than 25 times, sorry... if i find another link, i'll put it in the comments or edit the blog...)

So... i heard this a long time ago too... it's called "The Last Ones" by Matthew West. This song is really powerful... Everytime i listen to it, it always hits me and means so much. and now...we have a blog to share it on! yay.

Listening to the verses is like listening to a beautiful story being told. About a girl who is mentally disabled, but who is so content with how God made her. "And I confess when I first saw her, I was thinking 'Life's not fair', then she wrapped her arms around my neck, and it all became so clear... God bless the last ones".

Maybe the last ones are the lucky ones
The ones who got this whole thing figured out
'Cause when they go looking for something beautiful
They start looking from the inside out

Sometimes I think we believe that we know so much because maybe we're physically and/or mentally sound. We believe that we know what is happening in this world.. Or maybe, some of us feel like the world is crashing down on us, and we can't see anything in this world that might be worth living for. This chorus, to me, is so wonderful and so hopeful... "cause when they go looking for something beautiful, they start looking from the inside out..." Also, in the 2nd chorus...

I wish we could all be the lucky ones
The ones who've got this whole thing figured out
Maybe the next time we go looking for beautiful we'll try looking from the inside out

There's a message here for all of us, in the last line... See, God has blessed every one of us.. maybe you feel like you're so blessed, and maybe you feel like you're not worth a dime. But here, there's hope, in the presence of God. We all have "beautiful" inside of us, and we all need to search for that beauty inside each other. Our eyes may have a film over them, but we dont need our eyes to have a heart. We dont need our eyes to know God. That's what faith is... that's what love is...that's what beautiful is...

God bless the last ones...

Understanding grace...

I just heard this song on KLOVE. It's a song I've heard often...but today it brought to mind some of the people at our church. The thought that came to mind is that it seems some people, when they mess up, they feel like they have to do something in order to make up for it. The problem is not in trying to make up for it...but the persons continue to make the same mistake...thereby, they're stuck in this vicious cycle of doing the same sin, asking God for forgiveness, and then guilt forces the person to have to do something...instead of realizing that God's forgiveness is complete the moment He says He forgives us. And He has...through the blood of Christ. That I think is what "grace" is.

I guess it's hard to grasp why God would forgive us...even when we're stuck in habitual sin. But He has...completely...when He sent Christ down for us in our place. Our challenge is to really tackle these habitual sins...and one of the primary ways to do that is to let go of our shame and pride/ego and ask a brother/sister in Christ to keep us accountable. That requires sharing our ugly habitual sin with someone. Until we do that though, we will often fall to this same temptation over and over again...because through our own strength, we can not overcome it...but with the accountability, prayer and support of another, a habitual sin can be overcomed.

The lyrics are included in the song...but here it is also:

By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North


Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Jeremy

"Jeremy" - by Pearl Jam

As I was walking home from school this afternoon, I suddenly thought of this song, and I felt a very strong conviction to share this song. This is a very disturbing song with a video that compliments the atmosphere of the song very well. Nevertheless, even in an angst-ridden, grunge song, God has spoken to me.

The high school experience is one that can be socially and mentally nurturing, but it is also one that can be socially and mentally degrading. I will speak of the latter. At every school, there is always the select few who do not "fit in"-- the social pariahs with whom nobody wants to be associated. Not only that, they are often the target of much verbal or physical harassment. I'm sure, as you read this, a few faces will appear in your mind.

Now, I can't speak for all high schools, but at Lowell, at least, I have witnessed the degradation in some of these students. This song is based on a true story of a teenage boy who, after much torment from his peers, went into class one day and committed suicide in front of his teacher and all his peers. It's very disturbing. I don't know much about the story other than that, but it reminds me of a boy I know at my school. For the sake of anonymity, let's call this boy "Bob." I'm sure many have heard of his story already. Basically, Bob, like Jeremy, was ultimately pushed to the brink of madness from the incessant harassment. Rather than being pushed to suicide like Jeremy, however, Bob formulated a hit-list. Now, that is scary.

I had to reevaluate the way I reacted and treated these people. I actually sat next to Bob for the first semester of 10th Grade English. I witnessed first-hand the constant teasing and harassment that Bob endured daily. It was a wonder he kept his composure for so long. But it's like that part in the song:

"Clearly I remember picking on the boy
Seemed a harmless little f***
But we unleashed a lion
Gnashed his teeth and bit the recess lady's breast
How can I forget?"

It's very difficult to type about this subject, and I'm very tired... I admit that I am guilty for having contributed to it all. I'm not proud of it. I try to connect to these people, and if I can't, I don't add on to the madness. I want to be different; I want to be a light. These sorts of things should not happen in a high school--nor should they happen anywhere else.

Be different. Demonstrate Christ's love.

Miracle!

Sorry guys, but here's another Paramore song... hehe. i dunno. i heard this a while back, and i thought it really was meaningful... the chorus anyway, because i didnt read the lyrics for the verses until recently.
Anyhoozits... umm, yea. this song is really meaningful to me because in the chorus it says...

I'm not going
Cause i've been waiting for a miracle
And i'm not leaving
I won't let you
Let you give up on a miracle
Cause it might save you

Hearing those lyrics brings me to the realization that more often than not, we have friends that we feel that we can't bring the message of Jesus to, so we give up on them. Little do we know that that piece of information is the most crucial and influential piece of information they could ever recieve. "I wont let you, let you give up on a miracle, cause it might save you."

We've learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We've tied our pain below and no one ever has to know
That inside we're broken
I tried to patch things up again
To cut my tears and kill my fears
But have I told you, have I?

We're so absorbed into this materialistic and socially driven world that we dont want to hurt anyones feelings or anything so we want to remain in our little comfortable bubble, and we're not able to share ourselves. I think I personally can relate to this song because i need "to kill my fears" and not "run from anything uncomfortable".

I'm sorta rambling, but i guess when i re-listened to this song, and the bridge too, (It's not faith if, if you use your eyes, Oh why) I felt that this really shows that we need to really trust God and put our faith into action. We can't just sit aside and watch our brothers and sisters fade while we're on the sidelines enjoying our little comfortable lives. If we really want this miracle of letting others know of the blessing of a new life, we need to step out there. I know this will be a tough job, esp. for me, but i know it's also necessary.

Also, reading the 1st verse... we've been blessed with this gift, and we've been provided with an opportunity to start over, "beginning with you and i"... beginning with God and I. We have this new life, "hope embraced", and filled with faith. Wouldn't you like to spread the love?

Ahh, sorry, talking a lot. but yea... just wanted to share. thanks for reading. and maybe next time, it wont be paramore, but who knows... they're a good band!

Heaven is hurr NOW

blah, i've been meaning to post this for weeks! maybe even months! one day i was just taking the bus from or to work, i forget but i had this idea stuck in my head very much!
people joke all the time about not being scared to die, cause they'll just say quicker to go to heaven, or even may enjoy the idea of dying and going to Heaven right away. you know, at least i'll be in heaven. better than Earth right? ehh, it depends...
Jesus says the same thing three times in the book of
Matthew 3:2 , 4:17 , 10:7
"Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near."
i think it might have been this passage that i was thinking about...
man this is what i get for not posting this earlier....lose my train of thoughts, well anyways, there is some passage in the bible where Jesus tells us that the kingdom of HEAVEN is here. it's all around you. it's whereever you place Jesus as your KING. so if you go to the bathroom, and acknowledge that in this place, Jesus is still Lord, that's Jesus kindgom right there. that's heaven right there. why are people saying they don't mind dying young or even just joking about it while not knowing that the kingdom of heaven is already here.
yeah this isn't all my thoughts, but i just don't have time to gather my thoughts. i really need to take the be still and know i am God verse to heart. anyways i don't know any song that relates to my heaven thing and all i could think of was this one.

gr...couldnt post the html thingy cause the authors disabled it but here is the link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADZdDWfNzlw

Ocean Floor

"Ocean Floor" ~Audio Adrenaline

so today, neilson and i went for a walk to that "Sutro-" place. it was rEALLY nice. we saw lots of green and lots of blue. it was actually quite amazing to me how everything looked so much greener and bluer today. not exactly sure what it was. anyways...

one of the most aweing thing of that walk was looking out at the huge ocean. it was so vast. my head had to make almost a 135-degree turn to see the extent of the horizon (horizontally :D). (<-- dunno if that made sense..basically imagine looking out at the ocean and turning your head almost a 135-degress and seeing nothing but the blue ocean reaching outward farther than you can see... tHAT's the kind of vastness we were witnessing.) this song popped into my head. probably because it's associated with that giant body of water. that giant body of water though is a very awesome image of what God does to our sins.

"they're all behind you, they'll never find you, they're on the ocean floor..."
"your sins are forgotten, they're on the bottom of the ocean floor"
"your sins are erased, and they are no more..they're out on the ocean floor"
"they're wiped away by a mighty mighty wave, A MIGHTY MIGHTY WAVE!!"

all those things that we feel stick to us and weigh us down beyond anything and everything..God comPLETELY wipes them away! its so amazing. God allows us to have nothing hold us back-- even what we could never touch: our past, present, and future. imagine you, standing and completely weighed down by everything that you hate. from behind you though, a tsunami-wave that's come specifically to take away all of that.. ahh its really cool.

neilson (right next to me): it's interesting. what went through my head was the extent to how deep the ocean actually is. there are parts of the ocean that are so deep that even light cannot penetrate it. that's REALLY deep.

anyways, hope ya'll can praise God somehow with this song. vivian, can you please make a post replying to this song, cuz i know you really like this song and i'd really like to hear what you have to say :]. yeah. kay, see ya'll!

Make It Happen

"Make It Happen" - by Mariah Carey

I should be sleeping right now--I am SO TIRED. But I want to share a song. I apologize for writing something this late; it's not going to be too organized. Who cares?

I am a very big fan of Mariah Carey's music; I especially like her gospel-tinged songs such as this one. It's great seeing someone who is as powerful as Carey is in the music industry singing for the Lord.

Initially, I was going to share this song simply because I liked the feel of this song. Upon further inspection, however, I could see the depths to which this song reaches. I don't know about your prayer life with God, but I can honestly say that mine was very shaky initially. The thought of prayer actually seemed very foolish to me. Growing up watching all these people at church doing the routine bowing of their heads, the clasping of their hands, and of course the falling to their knees made me want to roll my eyes. I saw prayer as a petty attempt to give hope to a hopeless cause. Rather than speaking to God, I saw prayer as a psychological means of attempting to organize and make sense of the many things that go on in one's life by speaking to oneself (or an imaginary being). Obviously, I didn't have much-- or any-- faith in the power of prayer.

Even when I became a Christian, I was still pretty cynical about prayer. It wasn't until the end of my sophomore year or so that I recognized the incredible power of prayer. At that time, my mother came down with a life-threatening ailment: Stevens-Johnson Syndrome. It is a very rare disease that proves fatal to many inflicted with the disease. I was scared. All hope seemed to be lost for my mom: she had just come out of unsuccessful ocular surgery only to be stricken with a fatal disease. It was time to attempt to give hope to a hopeless cause; it was time to pray. As cynical as I was, I prayed daily, even asking the fellowship to join me in prayer. And right before my eyes, I see my mother quickly recovering from such a predicament; I could barely believe it. All I know is that God was at work, and I am forever grateful.

Accordingly, my take on prayer has grown to be much more positive since then. As foolish or stupid as it may seem at times-- like the song says-- "He can make it happen." I especially like the point in the song when Carey belts out:

"I once was lost, but now I'm found
I got my feet on solid ground
Thank you, Lord!
If you believe within your soul
Just hold on tight and don't let go
You can make it happen!"

Don't ever let go of your faith. There is truly SO MUCH power in prayer. For those of you in the high school fellowship, I encourage you to try Mark's "centering prayer" exercise, and really experience God that way. I guarantee that it will be very fulfilling.

"And if you get down on your knees at night
And pray to the Lord
He's gonna make it happen
Make it happen."

"the motions" by matthew west

hmm.....we were listening to this song during our worship training lessons and some of guys may have heard this song before. Well, this song really touched me and it made so much thoughts run through my mind. When i tried to explain what the song means to me, it came out all mumbo jumbo. I guess for me I need to learn how to produce my speech more effectively by channeling my thoughts in a more mannered way. It actually takes me a while to have a clear idea of what my mind is thinking. I think it is because i look at my thoughts in so many different angles and it sometimes causes contradiction and confusion.

Anyways, I will again attempt to analyze this song. For some reason, this song said something different to me than to the other people. I can see what they are talking about when they said that this song is about not going through our temporary highs or lows or whatever, but like being fully committed and not mediocre? For me it was something different. Whenever I felt depressed or very down, the thought of me being the only real thing in this world appears. It is like I would look around and see all the "happy people." I know it was my mind playing with me because in reality there is no such thing as someone constantly being happy. I think the reason I saw people happy was because I wasn't happy. It was more centered on me like the whole "woe is me" kind of thing. I felt like the "happy people" were all an illusion. It was like how can they all be so "okay"? Why am I the only one so down? Why are these things happening in my life? It seems like it is not happening to them, why? They must not be real......because it does not seem like they are feeling anything but that one emotion. umm ahh I can't explain this. You know how when people hide their sorrows and look cheerful all the time, they look kind of fake no offense. Like the happiness is all surface stuff, there is no depth or inner things going on.....? ok well i tried to explain......but anyways that was how i felt before. I got really angry at myself whenever i thought about this. It is because I know that others feel this same kind of down that i feel, some even feel worse. It was more of like I didn't want to believe that people could relate. I guess it was an act of want....... Wanting pity. I don't know anymore......but looking at the video, there was one scene of an African child ^. I can't imagine what he is going through. I always wondered what his lifestyle was like. Knowing that he may not have parents, may have a disease, may be starving everyday, struggling with a war in his country and being forcefully drafted into it or farming in the hot sun for cocoa beans to make the American chocolate we eat here. Well....there is a lot more. I don't know if that is what he is going through, but I wonder if it is close to what i have typed. I feel so selfish knowing that I think only about myself and letting myself feel those thoughts........

umm well i guess it shows how consumed i get into my emotions. It has led me to think selfishly. In a way I guess feeling down is not such a bad thing. At least it gives me the quality of feeling empathetic towards people. It shows how much I need God. It also shows that I am alive. That I am feeling things that are real to me; I have come to that kind of conclusion because of my relationship with God. All those thoughts and feelings that I have felt before was before I started coming to church. By having God working inside of me and listening to like Mark and the other adults, I realize that tangent things are not real. Although you can touch it, see it , smell it, or even taste it, it is all surface. The surface does not always last. It is all about the prize inside the box. I can't see emotions. I can see emotions being expressed, but I can't literally see emotions itself. It shows that emotions are real and that they are blessings from God. They help us grow and experience so much more in life. I will feel down, but from now on I won't let myself think that others can't relate. "I don't want to go through the motions." I won't let my emotions control me anymore and living my life doing/thinking what it wants. I won't move according to my emotions anymore. well i will at least try XP

"I don't care if I break at least I am feeling something.""Cause just okay is not enough.""Help me fight through the nothingness of this life." "I don't want to go through one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me."" take me all the way." yeah....those are some of the lyrics. I really like the part "take me all they way." To me, i think of it as God carrying me through the experience all the way and not having pit stops. Like don't make me experience it only half way but fully. Let me think about this and reflect upon it through this long process. Help me through the obstacles of this race and come at the finish line victoriously. Be by my side always.

Yeah.....not sure if this is less confusing than what I tried to say during class. Hopefully you guys understand XD If not, it is okay. I will work on it. Well, i will try =P

You are not alone

"Alone" ~Sanctus Real

at first, i was going to post this song just because it was a fun/nice song :]. but then I took a second (then third) look (then fourth) at (then fifth) the lyrics, and i was like, "haha, i shoulda done this a wHILE ago.." and this song is such a distraction from my calculus homework right now, but i wanna post before i forget my thought process xD

on one level, this was my petty attempt to make your heart feel better. not only does the music support the fun emotions, but the lyrics say it too! sometimes when i'm down, i think of this song and for some strange reason i somehow feel lighter... you can make your own observations about that.

on the next, i was thinking about how God does this for us. i am continually amazed by God's everlasting promise that He will never leave us alone. just to reach US, He fought the biggest tide humanity has ever faced..just to be together with us. and when i feel alone, completely alone where i'm just so broken about myself, i listen to this song...am reminded about the tide He fought... and it makes my heart feel better. =]

on yet another level, i think about our fellowship/church/family. wow, God had put us all together, and this is like my song to you, telling you how much i really love you guys. and i have to say sorry and confess to some of you, that in my weakness i have not fought the tides hard enough...i've let the tides overtake me. but thank God, we still have breath, so as long as we do, i wanna cherish everything we're doing together! i say this: i would fight the tide to be with you, God's gift in my life. so when you feel alone...listen to this song...let make your heart feel better

"rainy mondays feel like fridays
when You're/you're smiling at me,
i can feel the.....space....
between us
c
...o
.......l
..........l
............a
..............Philipians 1:3-6, "i thank God every time i remember you. in all my prayers for all of you , I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Jesus Christ"
...................s
.....................i
......................n
........................g
our love is everlasting"

Master of Puppets

"Master of Puppets" - by Metallica

Yes, this song is over eight minutes long. And yes, this is yet another song that I am sharing that deals with drug addiction (the first being "Black Balloon," and the second being "Running to Stand Still"). While I am not a drug addict, the concept of addiction-- addiction to sin, in particular-- continues to haunt me.

I have a very hard time with one particular sin. As depressing or morbid as these lyrics may be, I think that this song does the best job in depicting how this sin is tearing me apart. The chorus and the lyrics leading up to the chorus are especially...sdlkfj

Taste me and you will see
More is all you need
Dedicated to how I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master, master

Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me you can't see a thing
Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream
"Master, Master!"

I have let this thing become my master. I have succumbed many times, despite my own will to withstand all temptations. But that's just the thing--I have been relying on my own strength to overcome this thing. But what is my strength? My strength is nothing by itself. With God, however, I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. God, I pray that You'll stand by me and give me Your strength that can beat down anything that Satan tries to throw my way. Help me to rely on You, always.

Gosh, as I'm typing this now, I have come to realize more just how great our God really is. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I--heck, everyone--am not worthy of this life I'm given, this air I'm breathing. But the fact that we're living now, that we're breathing, is all because of the gift of grace, i.e. Jesus Christ. I was reading Galatians the other day, where Paul writes: "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us." The latter part of the verse really gets me every time I read or think about it. Much can be extracted from this, but I will just simply say that his grace is amazing. I don't want to continue living like this; I don't want to go on living with every breath I take tainted with sin. I want to breathe worship unto You, as You have breathed life and love unto me. I love You, Lord.

Please pray for me.

We Are Broken

Hehe, sorry guys... As you well know... i really like paramore... so... here's another one =P

This song, "We Are Broken" by Paramore, stood out to me when i first heard it. I didnt really know the whole meaning behind it the first time, but it made me realize how much we need God in our lives. We ourselves are broken, and we make so many mistakes in our lives. The pre-chorus demonstrates the strength and power of God. "Keep me safe inside / Your arms like towers / Tower over me." He's always there to protect us.

"Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole"

God is the only one with the power to give us new life. As humans, we are always searching for purpose, for meaning, for a reason to live. "We just wanna be whole."

As I researched further into this song (because i like doing that...hehe), i found out that during their Final Riot! concert, they dedicated this song to the children who are involved in sex trafficking. As i went through the song again, the meaning hit me harder than before. These children often dont have a choice, and they've gone through so much. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have to live like they do. For most of them, and for some of us, the only comfort available is the promise that the Lord has given us, that he can give us this new life, a life of abundance... a life with Him.

Although this song is pretty sad, it is a reality check. At the same time, it is hopeful. It shows us that we need to just get down on our hands and knees to praise God. He has given us so much. We need to just admit our short-comings, our failures, and our mistakes. He has this place in store for us, and all we need to do is accept him... His promise is still there for us. "We just wanna be whole,"... All we need is God.

Miracle of the Moment

"Miracle of the Moment" ~Stephen Curtis Chapman

"He has given us a treasure called 'right now'"
"I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment"

(if you want a full running piece of the lyrics, double-click on the video box, and open the info. there will be awesome lyrics awaiting you ;])
okay, okay, i know that if i blogged about EVERY song i was into for those five minutes, this blog would be flooded with posts by me... xD. but i guess as for this "moment", this song really hit me. i get so caught up with my past, and so anxious about my future...and while all that happens, i'm skimming over the present that God is giving me. it does us no good to think about the "if onlies" because they've already passed. every day, God is giving each one of us a blessing RIGHT in front of us. our families, our friends, our fellowship, our church, our homes, our food...the list goes on and on and on... i don't want to miss the miracle of what God is doing NOW. i won't try so hard to see God's blessings that it stresses me out, but i just need to remember that every breath is another blessing, and as i exhale it should be returning the glory to Him. thank You God for every moment.

When I Go Down

When I Go Down ~Relient K

"Peace can search me out and find
that i'm SO ready to be found"
"..oh God i love You.."

this song is one of only a few songs that really describe the jumble that goes on in my head. shoot, i really can't control any of my emotions xD. if you talk to me frequently enough, you will find that i am a pretty complicated young man. one moment i'll be really happy, the next i'll be sad and self-pitiful (emphasis on "pitiful"). what is more, i tend to completely overanalyze things..relationships, school, life. but all this time, i really don't have that many external stresses, but all of it is internal and going on in my head. something i kinda wish i could've controlled. so "when i go down", i overthink it...and "i go down hard". but "if only i had fought them..." haha, one person who shall not be named said maybe i'm PMSing, though i'm a guy x]..

really though, it's so easy to forget how very temporary our emotions are. and how God, despite anything and everything we feel, has NOT changed. plus, God has given us so much more than we could ever wish for. heh, so what am i to do? i'm to praise God when i'm happy, praise God when i'm sad, thank God that everything i go through is already written by His awesome hand.

please pray that i'll trust God with all this stuff that's going through my head. and to rid of any unnecessary overanalyzing. thanks =]
sorry for the long post x].. you're awesome for reading it all the way through!

Carry on Wayward Son

"Carry on Wayward Son" - by Kansas

Heh, okay, I guess this is more of the type of song you can consider "Neilson-style." I really like this song. We have all had times when we turned away from God, pursuing our own ways and means. But even at times when we may seem so lost from God, He will deliver us and bring us home. This song provides a nice reminder of that hope.