Dear God,
Lately I have been very overwhelmed by everything. I don't know how to manage the classes and I'm barely passing them. With college apps on top of that--I'm being crushed, well, I don't know if crushed is the right word, but, you speak the language of the heart, right? so, you know what I mean. I find myself by the end of the day, trying to avoid it all, giving excuses to not do them, to delay doing them. I wonder if I might have taken a bite too big for me to chew. I really want to give up, but the fact that I am still faced with these problems means you don't want me to. If I could just sleep it all away...
What do you intend for me to do? I'm so confused and lost. I'm in all directions. I'm so afraid that I am not following the path you want me to follow. What do you want with me? You still keep me here, fighting, and I'm fighting, but I don't know if I have much strength to. What have you planned for me? Ahh, that must be it, huh?
And this is the kind of God you are, huh? You don't give up on me, and you're so relentless! Don't you know what personal space is? Who asked you to come BARGING into my life? But I need you to barge into my life. Because from the looks of it, I obviously can't handle it on my own.
I hate that you're right and I'm wrong. I hate that everything you plan to happen ends up good but everything I plan ends up a mess, and I hate that you are always cleaning up the messes I make. And I hate that I'm having this stupid tantrum and acting like a child now.
God, promise to hold on to me and never let go.
1 comment:
wow...normally i don't respond this quickly, but your blog post really touched me. I am sorry that you're going through so much. You should've told me this the last time we talked, but you instead asked me about my college life D:
I know how you feel. Senior year was so tough on me. It's funny how today I had dinner with a friend and I told him about the things I went through in senior year. He also could relate. It's crazy how low I felt last year...it was also to the point where I wanted to give up (on life), but I didn't. I am glad I didn't because I am here now in SD. I am actually struggling to trust God with His plan, thinking that if my world started to crumble here in college, I wouldn't be able to or even want to handle it. Obviously I don't know what exactly you're going through, but I know for sure that you're not alone Annie. God does test our faith...so don't give up! He'll help you through it all. Thanks for sharing this song and your heart!!! We shall talk this week. =DD
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