Saturday, February 21, 2009

"the motions" by matthew west



hmm.....we were listening to this song during our worship training lessons and some of guys may have heard this song before. Well, this song really touched me and it made so much thoughts run through my mind. When i tried to explain what the song means to me, it came out all mumbo jumbo. I guess for me I need to learn how to produce my speech more effectively by channeling my thoughts in a more mannered way. It actually takes me a while to have a clear idea of what my mind is thinking. I think it is because i look at my thoughts in so many different angles and it sometimes causes contradiction and confusion.

Anyways, I will again attempt to analyze this song. For some reason, this song said something different to me than to the other people. I can see what they are talking about when they said that this song is about not going through our temporary highs or lows or whatever, but like being fully committed and not mediocre? For me it was something different. Whenever I felt depressed or very down, the thought of me being the only real thing in this world appears. It is like I would look around and see all the "happy people." I know it was my mind playing with me because in reality there is no such thing as someone constantly being happy. I think the reason I saw people happy was because I wasn't happy. It was more centered on me like the whole "woe is me" kind of thing. I felt like the "happy people" were all an illusion. It was like how can they all be so "okay"? Why am I the only one so down? Why are these things happening in my life? It seems like it is not happening to them, why? They must not be real......because it does not seem like they are feeling anything but that one emotion. umm ahh I can't explain this. You know how when people hide their sorrows and look cheerful all the time, they look kind of fake no offense. Like the happiness is all surface stuff, there is no depth or inner things going on.....? ok well i tried to explain......but anyways that was how i felt before. I got really angry at myself whenever i thought about this. It is because I know that others feel this same kind of down that i feel, some even feel worse. It was more of like I didn't want to believe that people could relate. I guess it was an act of want....... Wanting pity. I don't know anymore......but looking at the video, there was one scene of an African child ^. I can't imagine what he is going through. I always wondered what his lifestyle was like. Knowing that he may not have parents, may have a disease, may be starving everyday, struggling with a war in his country and being forcefully drafted into it or farming in the hot sun for cocoa beans to make the American chocolate we eat here. Well....there is a lot more. I don't know if that is what he is going through, but I wonder if it is close to what i have typed. I feel so selfish knowing that I think only about myself and letting myself feel those thoughts........

umm well i guess it shows how consumed i get into my emotions. It has led me to think selfishly. In a way I guess feeling down is not such a bad thing. At least it gives me the quality of feeling empathetic towards people. It shows how much I need God. It also shows that I am alive. That I am feeling things that are real to me; I have come to that kind of conclusion because of my relationship with God. All those thoughts and feelings that I have felt before was before I started coming to church. By having God working inside of me and listening to like Mark and the other adults, I realize that tangent things are not real. Although you can touch it, see it , smell it, or even taste it, it is all surface. The surface does not always last. It is all about the prize inside the box. I can't see emotions. I can see emotions being expressed, but I can't literally see emotions itself. It shows that emotions are real and that they are blessings from God. They help us grow and experience so much more in life. I will feel down, but from now on I won't let myself think that others can't relate. "I don't want to go through the motions." I won't let my emotions control me anymore and living my life doing/thinking what it wants. I won't move according to my emotions anymore. well i will at least try XP

"I don't care if I break at least I am feeling something.""Cause just okay is not enough.""Help me fight through the nothingness of this life." "I don't want to go through one more day without Your all consuming passion inside of me."" take me all the way." yeah....those are some of the lyrics. I really like the part "take me all they way." To me, i think of it as God carrying me through the experience all the way and not having pit stops. Like don't make me experience it only half way but fully. Let me think about this and reflect upon it through this long process. Help me through the obstacles of this race and come at the finish line victoriously. Be by my side always.

Yeah.....not sure if this is less confusing than what I tried to say during class. Hopefully you guys understand XD If not, it is okay. I will work on it. Well, i will try =P

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

You are not alone



"Alone" ~Sanctus Real

at first, i was going to post this song just because it was a fun/nice song :]. but then I took a second (then third) look (then fourth) at (then fifth) the lyrics, and i was like, "haha, i shoulda done this a wHILE ago.." and this song is such a distraction from my calculus homework right now, but i wanna post before i forget my thought process xD

on one level, this was my petty attempt to make your heart feel better. not only does the music support the fun emotions, but the lyrics say it too! sometimes when i'm down, i think of this song and for some strange reason i somehow feel lighter... you can make your own observations about that.

on the next, i was thinking about how God does this for us. i am continually amazed by God's everlasting promise that He will never leave us alone. just to reach US, He fought the biggest tide humanity has ever faced..just to be together with us. and when i feel alone, completely alone where i'm just so broken about myself, i listen to this song...am reminded about the tide He fought... and it makes my heart feel better. =]

on yet another level, i think about our fellowship/church/family. wow, God had put us all together, and this is like my song to you, telling you how much i really love you guys. and i have to say sorry and confess to some of you, that in my weakness i have not fought the tides hard enough...i've let the tides overtake me. but thank God, we still have breath, so as long as we do, i wanna cherish everything we're doing together! i say this: i would fight the tide to be with you, God's gift in my life. so when you feel alone...listen to this song...let make your heart feel better

"rainy mondays feel like fridays
when You're/you're smiling at me,
i can feel the.....space....
between us
c
...o
.......l
..........l
............a
..............Philipians 1:3-6, "i thank God every time i remember you. in all my prayers for all of you , I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this that He who began a good work in you will carry it onto completion until the day of Jesus Christ"
...................s
.....................i
......................n
........................g
our love is everlasting"

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Master of Puppets



"Master of Puppets" - by Metallica

Yes, this song is over eight minutes long. And yes, this is yet another song that I am sharing that deals with drug addiction (the first being "Black Balloon," and the second being "Running to Stand Still"). While I am not a drug addict, the concept of addiction-- addiction to sin, in particular-- continues to haunt me.

I have a very hard time with one particular sin. As depressing or morbid as these lyrics may be, I think that this song does the best job in depicting how this sin is tearing me apart. The chorus and the lyrics leading up to the chorus are especially...sdlkfj

Taste me and you will see
More is all you need
Dedicated to how I'm killing you

Come crawling faster
Obey your master
Your life burns faster
Obey your master, master

Master of Puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams
Blinded by me you can't see a thing
Just call my name 'cause I'll hear you scream
"Master, Master!"

I have let this thing become my master. I have succumbed many times, despite my own will to withstand all temptations. But that's just the thing--I have been relying on my own strength to overcome this thing. But what is my strength? My strength is nothing by itself. With God, however, I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. God, I pray that You'll stand by me and give me Your strength that can beat down anything that Satan tries to throw my way. Help me to rely on You, always.

Gosh, as I'm typing this now, I have come to realize more just how great our God really is. "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." I--heck, everyone--am not worthy of this life I'm given, this air I'm breathing. But the fact that we're living now, that we're breathing, is all because of the gift of grace, i.e. Jesus Christ. I was reading Galatians the other day, where Paul writes: "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us." The latter part of the verse really gets me every time I read or think about it. Much can be extracted from this, but I will just simply say that his grace is amazing. I don't want to continue living like this; I don't want to go on living with every breath I take tainted with sin. I want to breathe worship unto You, as You have breathed life and love unto me. I love You, Lord.

Please pray for me.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

We Are Broken



Hehe, sorry guys... As you well know... i really like paramore... so... here's another one =P

This song, "We Are Broken" by Paramore, stood out to me when i first heard it. I didnt really know the whole meaning behind it the first time, but it made me realize how much we need God in our lives. We ourselves are broken, and we make so many mistakes in our lives. The pre-chorus demonstrates the strength and power of God. "Keep me safe inside / Your arms like towers / Tower over me." He's always there to protect us.

"Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And oh, the promise we adored
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole"

God is the only one with the power to give us new life. As humans, we are always searching for purpose, for meaning, for a reason to live. "We just wanna be whole."

As I researched further into this song (because i like doing that...hehe), i found out that during their Final Riot! concert, they dedicated this song to the children who are involved in sex trafficking. As i went through the song again, the meaning hit me harder than before. These children often dont have a choice, and they've gone through so much. I can't even imagine what it'd be like to have to live like they do. For most of them, and for some of us, the only comfort available is the promise that the Lord has given us, that he can give us this new life, a life of abundance... a life with Him.

Although this song is pretty sad, it is a reality check. At the same time, it is hopeful. It shows us that we need to just get down on our hands and knees to praise God. He has given us so much. We need to just admit our short-comings, our failures, and our mistakes. He has this place in store for us, and all we need to do is accept him... His promise is still there for us. "We just wanna be whole,"... All we need is God.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Miracle of the Moment



"Miracle of the Moment" ~Stephen Curtis Chapman

"He has given us a treasure called 'right now'"
"I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment"

(if you want a full running piece of the lyrics, double-click on the video box, and open the info. there will be awesome lyrics awaiting you ;])
okay, okay, i know that if i blogged about EVERY song i was into for those five minutes, this blog would be flooded with posts by me... xD. but i guess as for this "moment", this song really hit me. i get so caught up with my past, and so anxious about my future...and while all that happens, i'm skimming over the present that God is giving me. it does us no good to think about the "if onlies" because they've already passed. every day, God is giving each one of us a blessing RIGHT in front of us. our families, our friends, our fellowship, our church, our homes, our food...the list goes on and on and on... i don't want to miss the miracle of what God is doing NOW. i won't try so hard to see God's blessings that it stresses me out, but i just need to remember that every breath is another blessing, and as i exhale it should be returning the glory to Him. thank You God for every moment.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

When I Go Down



When I Go Down ~Relient K

"Peace can search me out and find
that i'm SO ready to be found"
"..oh God i love You.."

this song is one of only a few songs that really describe the jumble that goes on in my head. shoot, i really can't control any of my emotions xD. if you talk to me frequently enough, you will find that i am a pretty complicated young man. one moment i'll be really happy, the next i'll be sad and self-pitiful (emphasis on "pitiful"). what is more, i tend to completely overanalyze things..relationships, school, life. but all this time, i really don't have that many external stresses, but all of it is internal and going on in my head. something i kinda wish i could've controlled. so "when i go down", i overthink it...and "i go down hard". but "if only i had fought them..." haha, one person who shall not be named said maybe i'm PMSing, though i'm a guy x]..

really though, it's so easy to forget how very temporary our emotions are. and how God, despite anything and everything we feel, has NOT changed. plus, God has given us so much more than we could ever wish for. heh, so what am i to do? i'm to praise God when i'm happy, praise God when i'm sad, thank God that everything i go through is already written by His awesome hand.

please pray that i'll trust God with all this stuff that's going through my head. and to rid of any unnecessary overanalyzing. thanks =]
sorry for the long post x].. you're awesome for reading it all the way through!